not sure what to do

[xlisax]

we are having real problems with max, he is climbing the walls night and day, driving everyone (especially my hubby) mad we are not talking again because of this, my hubby just cannot tollerate max`s behaviour and has told me it will get to the point where i have to choose between the 2

im so easy going i just take what max does as him and take the easyway out all the time, like when he barks thru the night, my awnser is to let him sleep upstairs with us,(he plays up because he is so clingy with me) but then he is pacing round and round the bed cos he wants to get up on there with me i have no problem with this and love both my dogs to the point that they are my babies

he has told me he cant put up with it much longer, i will not get rid of any of my dogs but i dont want to lose my hubby either we have only been married 4 months, and max was our wedding pressy to ourselfs it looks like he might be on the divorse papers now

not sure how to tackle this as max is a complete pain in the "beep" and has been so hard to train, but i love him to bits

[cdpops]

I am sorry you are having such a bad time, it must be difficult for you at the moment.
I think you have identified the main reason you are having difficulties yourself, as you take the "easyway all the time" it might be easy in the short term but in the long term things are going to get much more difficult. Maybe you need to agree some ground rules between you and both stick to them, if you offer consistency for Max it will help him in the long run. The Learn to Earn/ nothing in life is free programme is a good one to follow. Perhaps a behaviourist might be beneficial as they will outline a programme for you both to follow.
I do hope you manage to resolve you differences.

[suzysu]

Hope you can work things out, must be very difficult x

[dizzymare]

oh dear.  I'm so sorry your'e having problems.  I'm a novice dog owner myself, and dont pretend to know much.  However, in some ways pups are a bit like toddlers and little children.  I think they do need rules and consistency otherwise they just run rings round you.  I know that with children who wake up and cry for attention (or to come in your bed in the night) the best way to deal, is just to firmly lead them back to bed, not give attention, tuck them in, and go.  It may require several attempts for the first few nights, but in my experience, it doesnt take many nights before they learn that they must stay in their own bed.  I think it's maybe the same with doglets, and perhaps you need to be a bit firmer 

I'm sure some of the experts will be along soon to give you some advice, but hope you manage to sort it out

[bev6951]

I am so sorry to read this. I can completely and truly sympathise with how you are feeling   I was in the same predicament a couple of years ago with my labrador alfie.(if you look at my very early posts from last year there are pictures of him) my hubby and alfie clashed pretty much from the word go. We argued all the time and I found myself as you protecting alfie saying at first it was because he was a baby, then as he got older, and was still as 'naughty' just kept siding with alfie anyway even tho at times I agreed with my husband regarding alfies behavoir. He is a chocolate lab and they are quite different from the other colours and all the walks and attention in the world wouldnt make a difference to the way he behaved I just accepted it as being him, my OH couldnt. In the end he said it was basically him or the dog. At this point we also had wilson and for a while it did seem to 'calm' alfie down but not for long and the fact that wilson is such a dream dog most of the time reaffirmed my husbands opinion that it was alfies personality and not our training techniques. The feelings I had towards my husband at the time were kind of how can you make me choose but also a part of me knew he was right and this made me cry everyday knowing that sooner or later something had to give. I love alfie still so much and still think of him every day. We asked friends and family advice and if they knew anyone who would be willing to come round and see if they thought they could offer alfie a good loving home. He left me on the 6th october last year at 11am and I can still remember the feeling watching him drive away in my nieces grandfathers landrover         .  He now lives about an hour away from me and has acres of fields to run on (heaven to a lab) , and my niece does get to see him. He is really happy and I am sure they can give him more than I could on my own. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make and still cry for him and have a whirlwind of things go through my head about what he is thinking and doing. He was 3 and a half when he left me so I know I was just a small chapter in his life and will probably be soon forgotten by him as he lives a happy life with his new owners but I will never forget my alfie.  
In the weeks after alfie left I thought I would feel anger towards my husband after all I had 'chosen' him but now I can admit he was right and rehoming alfie was the right thing for us to do. It was a massively long and drawn out process because we had to make sure we were happy where he was going and also and more importantly he would be happy too.My home is now a happier, quieter (!) and calmer place to be, there were so many things to worry about and think of before (alfie was a big chewer, jumped up on work tops and tables and dug MASSIVE holes given the chance) but there is always a gap, he was a gentle giant, so loving and soft hearted but I cant regret it or it will have been for nothing, I just keep reminding myself that everyone now is alot happier.
Whatever decision you make, make sure you make it for the right reasons and be sure you can stand by your decision after all you, like me, will have to live with it for a long time. I really am thinking of you.  

[PennyB]

How old is Max --- if he's only a pup then you may be expecting too much of him (and also may be overfussing him as well).

What about your OH doing more training with him on a 1-2-1 without you or your other dog --- it can often help to walk dogs separately sometimes especially when you're having problems (get him to do a bit of training with him when he's out and about)

[xlisax]

hiya thanks for all the replys, i was getting a lump in my throat as i read about alfie

anyway after this mornings episode with max i think my hubby will never walk him again, he let him off the lead to play with a stick and max just ran off and would not come back, alan rung for me to go over and help him catch him
when i arrived max was being his usual self just running around eating everything in sight he wouldnt come to me untill he had finished what he was eating.

i have 2 dogs as you know and i trained ellie exactually the same as i tried with max, ellie is the perfect dog, never on a lead, even by the roads, respondes to every word i say, and so on

i dont feel it is anything to do with my tecniques or my failiure in training max as if it was me at fault ellie wouldnt be the well behaved dog she is, i feel it is max and that is how he is going to be i dont want to loose my husband but i also do not want to loose my dog, im crying as i write this, as im sleeping downstairs tonight as we are still not speaking

im stuck between a rock & a hard place..............

the sleeping thing with max was going good, i work 4 nights a week so max and ellie sleep in the kitchen and he does not hear a peep out of him, but on my 3 nights off when i sleep upstairs max barks thru the night, obviously he cant be left to do this as we are mid terrace and my neighbours both sides have moaned about him, specially as he barks during the day when im out too

we have tried leaving him, telling him off putting him on his bed and so on but he just starts barking again and again

this is just one of the many things that max gets up too so when you are faced with all of it being a complete mess it is so dissheartning

[xlisax]

How old is Max --- if he's only a pup then you may be expecting too much of him (and also may be overfussing him as well).

What about your OH doing more training with him on a 1-2-1 without you or your other dog --- it can often help to walk dogs separately sometimes especially when you're having problems (get him to do a bit of training with him when he's out and about)

max is 10 months

[Cob-Web]

i have 2 dogs as you know and i trained ellie exactually the same as i tried with max, ellie is the perfect dog, never on a lead, even by the roads, respondes to every word i say, and so on

i dont feel it is anything to do with my tecniques or my failiure in training max as if it was me at fault ellie wouldnt be the well behaved dog she is, i feel it is max and that is how he is going to be i dont want to loose my husband but i also do not want to loose my dog, im crying as i write this, as im sleeping downstairs tonight as we are still not speaking

Every dog is different, and techniques that work for one, won't work for another 

I think you need to go back to basics with Max - and accept that "your way" of training doesn't work 
I would suggest that before you give up and decide that Max is untrainable, you read up about other techniques and methods and try them out to see what does work for Max.

Very few dogs are "untrainable" - but they are individuals, and need to be treated as such 

[jann]

I was going to say the same, every dog needs a different method of training, what works for one dog doesn't necessarily work for another.

It sounds as though your OH has decided that Max is a lost cause, could you  not persuade him that you need to invest some time in training the right way for Max, maybe with the help of a professional if necessary, ??

  This may sound harsh, and I hate to say this but if your hubby will not co-operate, things will be so difficult for you    then rehoming might be the best possible option both for Max and your marriage. 
I don't think any one would blame you for this at all.
Whatever you decide to do I really feel for you and wish you luck
 Jann 

[xlisax]

ive tried lots of different training with max, clicker training, treat training and so on, none of these i used on ellie, but he just does his own thing more often than not

he can be good, come to me when i call, he sits at every road side, and stays when i put his food down untill i say he can have it, so he is really good some of the time its the sleeping arrangments and the running off when he feels like it (mainly when he has found food) that my hubby has a major problem with

i think im going to work on getting him to be less clingy to me, i hate the thought of having to ignore him thou

i love my dogs so much i just treat them like one of the family, maybe this is where im going wrong, treating him to nicely, but then look at ellie ive treated her exactually the same and she is fine

oh i dont know im stuck but i know one thing is for sure i will not give max up without a fight, as I dont believe this is the right thing for max, or me

[xlisax]

ive also booked max in for castration next thursday and im really hoping this will calm him down too

[CarolineL]

why dont you look at getting a qualified behaviourist in.

If things are as bad that your husband is suggesting you choose between him or the dog your best bet will be to get someone from
www.apbc.org.uk who can show you how to manage Max and get the best out of him  

I would also seriously consider NOT getting him castrated until he has fully grown up. Castration is NOT the cure all for behavioural type problems and it sounds as if Max is just a typical cocker teenager who is trying his luck. Its back to basics, get him on a long line to train and reinfoce his recall

There was an incident on here recently where someone got their dog castrated in the hope that it would cure their dogs 'issues', on seeing a behaviourist about a week after it was done, it was advised that this probably wasnt the best thing to do.

[xlisax]

i cant afford to pay the sort of money they will be wanting 

and why do the vets recomend you get them castrated at 6 months if it is not good for them

im going to go back to basics with him and im going to work on his clingyness to me as that is the reason he barks thru the night 

[CarolineL]

Castration is a really complex issue.

Castration can be good for some dogs who are dominant and who pine after bitches in season.

Castration for dogs who lack in confidence and can be clingy can be a big no no as I believe castration takes away the testosterone which gives a dog confidence, take away the testosterone and you've got an insecure dog with low confidence. (i think thats right anyway)

vets are not behaviourists, vets are there to advise people on the medical issues concerning their animals. Behavioursits are qualified professionals in understanding why dogs/animals do the things they do.

Is Max insured? Most insurance companies these days will pay for behaviourists (mine did - we are with M&S).