End of my tether. Please help.

[murph8]

Hi all,
I am really struggling with Alfie at mo to the point where im thinking a dog isn't for me. I know that sounds really awful but the stress i'm under with him has left me totally worn out and my consultant re my heart problem has told me that something needs to give cos it's having a negative effect on my health. It's not that he is not totally adored because he really is and a very happy chap but he's so full on that i just don't feel i can cope.
We have literally stripped the house of anything other than the chairs we sit on as he will grab anything and run off with it and wreck it. It didnt bother me before because of teething etc but know its got ridiculous and hes wrecked eveything he can. When i tell friends they laugh and say how cute but i don't find it funny anymore. Am constantly shouting and chasing him and now even my eldest daughter says she wishes we hadn't got him cos she hates how im always stressed. Me and hubby always rowing about it too. The decking and rest of garden has been chewed to bits and spend so much time in tears.
It's a horrible situation to be in becausse we adore him and don't like the idea of re homing him as we don't know how they might treat him.
Im looking at him now, currently chewing one of Finlays books and i don't have energy to get it off him.
Please don't think bad of me cos like i said he is treated like a king and i love him to bits but don't think im cut out for this.     

[maddy74]

aahhhh,  I cant really offer you any advice as we have a 14 week old puppy and today up to now has been the morning from hell, she has had a toilet roll cardboard inner, the toilet roll and done an andrex pup with it, then as I took that off her she picked the scrunchie sponge thing off the bath, 2 socks and a slipper. Its hard isnt it? Hopefully someone who has an older dog will be along shortly to offer you some advice, and they have been through it and come out the other side. My little bundle of mischief is now sitting next to me looking like butter would melt.... Grrrr.... Its hard work isnt it? 

[stuffster]

First of all, big hugs to you!! It is REALLY hard work at times, having dogs; but it DOES get easier as they get older, honestly.

It sounds like you need a really good behaviourist to give you some tips for dealing with Alfie and his contant chewing (and if you find one, can you pass me their details cos I need one too  )
If you try that, and manage to get his destruction under control, you will probably find you wont find him as stressful to have around.

How much exercise is he getting per day? Are you giving him brain-stimulating games to play too (because cockers are very clever and need to be challenged)? If he is tired out after a nice walk and some other stimulating games, he will hopefully have less energy left for destroying things!

[Geordietyke]

Just wanted to send you lots of    I do know what you are going through.  When Odie was younger, he had me on edge and in tears many times (but for different reasons to you).  I was so stressed and felt helpless at times.  BUT it did get better as he grew older. 

Saying that, he still has his norty moments (which cocker doesn't though ).  He WILL chew or run away with ANYTHING left in reach or on the floor so we've had to retrain ourselves not to leave anything in reach of him or he'll snaffle it.  Of course, as soon as it's happened and you're running after him or getting all frustrated, it sends him signals making him more hyper and manic so it's just a case of controlling your body language/responses to him and keeping everything out of reach! 

Really hope things improve for you all because having a dog is so worth it

[henryjack1dogs]

Firstly you should not feel bad about feeling like this - especially if it is affecting your health.  You and your human family have to come first!    I have always had dogs (cockers) and currently have Max whoes 13 Months.  The last year was tough, totally forgot what it was like having a puppy again and this time having 3 children as well.  Max is very highly strung, chews everything, loves his walks and recovers within 10 mins and is full on.  In the evenings he doesn't settle!!!!!!!!  It is bloody hard work!!!  Your not alone and some days you just wonder - what have we done.

How much exercise is he getting, stimulation, I know I need to spend more time wearing Max's brain out.  Any ideas anyone!

Good luck and I hope someone comes on with lots more advice for you.

[miss holly]

Hi  there

Just wanted to say that I understand how you feel and also to say it DOES get better  - here are some some simple  things we did.

For example, we got several baby gates from Freecycle to limit movement around the house.We also used a crate - which really helped

 Have you tried giving 'Kongs' covered in cream cheese and filled with carrots to entertain Alfie?

Hope you feel better soon.

[jessandme]

This is so hard, I do sympathise.  I too have had a lot of health issues since we got Jess (now 11 months) and it has been very difficult indeed at times.  

At 7 months old (have I got that right?) your Alfie is becoming an adolescent with all the 'interesting' behaviour traits of a teenager.   The only good bit about it is that the chewing due to teething is about to stop - any time now!  There is a second teething phase which is noticeable in some dogs around 10 - 11 months old, but apart from that, the teething is done with.  

The annoying bit is that if you do chase after them when they've got something they shouldn't, the thing instantly takes on much higher value for themm, and they also have the added fun of playing 'chase', so they are going to want to do it even more.  So chasing is a bit counterproductive.  Very hard though, we have both had to become very much tidier.  

If Jess does run off with something, we've found the best option is to head very conspicuously in the opposite direction, calling her as we go - going into the kitchen and opening the fridge, making sounds of 'oooh, what's this?'.  Jess will follow to see what we are up to, and it is then usually quite easy to swap whatever it is for a little piece of chicken or sausage.  (My husband has a theory that she is training us to do this, in order to get more treats out of us. Hmmm....    )

And I would really recommend doing some obedience work, if you can manage it.  Jess gets more tired out from this, than from any amount of exercise.  

[black taz]

i can sympathise with you.  I don't know how Taz made it to a year old - in comparison with my other dog he was a nightmare.  I can assure you though it does get better, but you have to put time and effort into it (more so with a cocker!).  mental and physical exerise are essential for a young cocker - if you don't find something for them to do, then they will entertain themselves.

Could someone take him for a few days to give you a break and time to regroup and plan how you can manage his behaviour better.

Obivously if in the long term keeping him is going to be detrimental to your health, then i don't think anyone would think badly of you.

All i can say now, is that Taz is coming up to 4 years old and apart from a few recall issues (which i manage by avoiding certain places) he is the perfect dog.

Good luck

[murph8]

Thanks for understanding.
We do lots of training with him, have bought games to stimulate his mind (which he's amazingly good at) and he goes on two quick 15 minute walks with my daughter and a long walk with me once a day where he is allowed off lead. He's out for the count in the evenings so i know he's getting enough exercise. I've put so much effort, time and money into him that i feel like i've almost exhausted all avenues and its me that is not made to have a dog. 

I think what's upsets me most is that i can't do even the simplest of tasks without him 'there' and causing trouble. It's not just the destroying and running off with things that is the problem; he's very excitable and spends a lot of time jumping and squeeling. Also dragging so badly when that recently after a long weekend walk, the back of my hand became very swollen and bruised. He jumps up onto dining room chairs and eatss any food that may of been eft for a nano second. You have to be so quick with him.

He has literally become my whole life and have to watch him constantly. Just returned from hospital and my heart trace has become more worrying. 
I had such high hopes when we got him and i knew it would not be easy in the beggining but this is starting to feel like an endurance test and im failing.  I'm not enjoying him and yet i totally adore him and love my evening cuddles with him. I start every day on a positive but come teatime i'm shattered and fed up.

[Geordietyke]

Do you use a crate with him?  I've used one for Odie from day 1 as he has always followed me everywhere (still does, even to the toilet ).  He's now 15 months old but if I have to do something without the need of a cocker to keep an eye on too, I pop him in his crate.  It gives me respite and allows him to chill as well.

Of course you have to put your health first, but if you feel you really can no longer meet his needs (or your family's) and it's stressing you out too much, you may have to decide on whether to rehome him.   If you do, it's best to try and find someone who understands the needs of cockers so he can be assessed properly.  I hope however you can work through it, and I send you my best wishes at this very difficult time.  Lesley

[murph8]

Thanks, yes we do crate him but he yipps terribly when away from me which is testing. I do have stair gates to stop him to a degree but of course with his yipping it is sometimes easier to let him in. Lesser of two evils i suppose. Have recently found out that disease i have means i have life expectancy of 41-50 and im 36 so guess the stress of that doesn't help.

I love him so much and the thought of never seeing him again devestates me. I would have to know where he is and that he's being treated properly. Despite the trouble i'm having he is so full of love and quite the celebrity in my village. 

[Emma3]

  so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time.

One practical tip for redirecting their chewing that I picked up from our obedience class instructor:

Get a handful of smelly treats/ half a tennis ball with peanut butter smeared in it. Roll it up in an old towel and tie in a knot.

I've not tried it myself (touch wood, bella's not much of a chewer) but she said it worked with her border collie. Said that if dog loses interest before getting the treats to make it a bit easier for them so they do get some reward for chewing the towel.

[Ben's mum]

So sorry to hear that things are tough for you at the moment, it must be really difficult to be faced with such a serious health condition and trying to cope with such a lively pup as well.

thinking of you

[Sarah.H]

It seems from your post that your daughter and OH don't see his behaviour as much of a problem as you do? Maybe if that is the case they could take more responsibility for him, feeding him and keeping him entertained so he isn't always under your feet? Also being tidier and keeping bedroom doors closed until he's a bit older?
Have you trained him to fetch? Encourage and reward him for bringing things to you (as it sounds like he's going to get them anyway) so that's the game rather than him running off and destroying things. But also make sure there are suitable things for him to destroy also  .
Do you give him something like a kong or a chew when you leave him in the crate?
 

[PennyB]

Its more than likely he needs something to do with his brain - clicker training is ideal for this and the person doing it doesn't have to expend much energy either.

Lets face it this is how they sometimes train assistance dogs - you can even get him doing some of the housework if you want.