*Millie stands up and waves to the rest of the group*
"Hello. My name is Millie and I am a 16 month old Cocker. I know I look gentle, well mannered with a healthy outlook on life, but the thing is, I have a dark secret.
The truth is, well you see" *Millie looks nervously around the group*
"The truth is I'm a closet POO ROLLER!"
*a round of applause from the group*
"What my owners don't realise, is that there is a great deal of expertise and knowledge to Poo rolling - its not just some flimsy wayward teenage streak that's not going anywhere and means nothing. It's an art!
For example, there are several types of poo that I class, as an artiste, worthy of my rolls.
The first and foremost is horse manure: this is by far the sweetest smelling of all the poo's you can roll in. The fresher the better, and the fresher it is the further it goes and harder it is to remove. Also because of the size of horse manure you can give yourself 2 or 3 coatings to be sure you're not missing anywhere - I can get really engrossed in horse manure, to the point of being oblivious to anyhting else, especially my owners voice.
Secondly there's fox poo. This is quite a sticky, foul smelling substance and generally provokes an instant reaction, if your owners don't catch you doing it (which in itself provokes an instant reaction!), because of the smell. It usually provokes a retching sound from my owners, swiftly followed by them sniffing me all over to find the actual patch - I think they really like it. Bird poo is excellent, a swift roll and it's applied, no need to re-apply several times like horse manure. Its also good because if you're not caught in the act you can usually continue to wear your masterpiece for a good few hours.
Finally, I like dead things. They're great for rolling in, so many unusual smells and lots of different textures and things to get stuck in my coat, like feathers, blood, you get the general idea.
Now for techinique - I like to sniff really really well, I tend to turn in circles as I sniff to ensure that I get the best smelling part for apllication. Then once the best smelling part is found, it's important to wiggle your bum in the air and kinda do the 'hokey-kokey' going up and down up and down until you have aligned the best smelling section, with the optimum place for application. once you're down there let all your inhibitions go and soon you will feel at one with nature.
from my personal perspective I think its incredibly important, and I have no idea why my owners are so shocked at the natural skill with which I apply the various natural camouflage substances I find - afterall I am a cocker, a gundog by nature, by camouflaging myself I am increasing my chances and ability at sneaking through undergrowth undetected.
Although usually once I have finished applying I am told that I could be smelt a mile off - I'm not sure what this means!
So, fellow closet poo rollers, please share your tails
with Poo Rolling Cocker Addicts (that's cockers addicted to poo rolling, not people addicted to cockers who poo roll! "
