Hello from another newbie!!

[badgeralbert]

Hello everyone,

Just thought I would introduce myself, it may be a bit long, sorry!  I stumbled across this site looking for cocker breeders and reading up on cockers in general, why?  Well, here goes ...

Just over 12 years ago I got my first cocker spaniel, Badger (middle name Albert!) a lovely blue roan boy.  He lived with me on my own and went to my parents over the road who looked after him whilst I went to work.  He accepted my now husband and when he was 4 accepted our first son no bother whatsoever, although I made sure he was always involved.  We now have 3 children, 8, nearly 6 and 4 (in 2 weeks).  He has been excellent with all of them, he has remained the loyal, playful dog he has always been and he has never been pushed out as the children came along, to me he was and still is my first baby!

However, he has been blind (cataracts) and deaf for some time now but manages great with this, it has gradually deteriorated over the last year and he gets around by smell, he has a great nose!  He is never jumpy when stroked, he is the most beautiful dog anyone could ever wish for.  His temperament and everything is excellent, he has always had a naughty streak in him, but thats just his personality!  He hasnt been out for a walk for about 2 years because he doesnt want to go, he wont go out of the front door, I think it makes him feel insecure.

A couple of weeks ago he seemed to me to be in pain, walking backwards and going around in circles along with toileting on the kitchen floor.  The vet said his time had come but I couldnt bear them to do it and told them I would have to make another appointment, he was shaking like mad, he knew where he was.  I brought him home and he was back to his old self, he sleeps most of the time, but I can live with his blindness and deafness and he can too, we dont move the furniture around and hes fine. I rang the vet and explained that he didnt seem to be in pain anymore and she agreed he may be ok for a little while longer. Anyway, he stopped his walking backwards, etc but I dont suppose it will be for long, he was doing it again this afternoon.

He seems to lose his bearings sometimes, as if he is going a little senile.  I cried for 2 days constantly when I took him to the vets, we have had such a happy life together, I will never find another dog as loving and great as what he has been to me and my family, he has been so loyal.

Anyway, now I have found this site I will probably be back most days, I find it really comforting looking through all the posts and threads on these boards.

I know his time will be up soon and it will be the worst time of my life, and no other dog will be able to replace him and the times that we have had together.  I wasnt going to get another dog because I cant handle losing them, but I think I have decided now that we will.  That is a hard decision in itself, I feel like I am not being loyal to him.

Sorry for the long first post, I have tears streaming down my face typing it, I suppose it is the reality of it writing it all down.

Thanks for listening

Sarah
x

[Nicola]

Hi Sarah and welcome to COL, your boy Badger sounds like an amazing dog and I'm so sorry to read that he is not doing so well just now. It is truly the hardest thing to do to make that final decision, I had to do it for my GSD Sasha who I had before my working cockers and it broke my heart but I knew I had to do it for her sake, I owed it to her to let her have the same dignity at the end as she had always had in life. There is a very apt phrase which always sticks in my mind when I read things like this 'better a day too soon than a day too late' ... I wish you and Badger all the best for this difficult time and there is always plenty of support here on COL, we all understand how much our dogs mean to us 

[barb]

Hi Sarah, Welcome, you'll find plenty of support here, we all know where you're coming from.
I believe Badger will tell you when it's his time to go, my previous beloved dogs have.
Just one thing I said to myself while reading your post (& having a little weep )
Is it possible for a vet to come to you when the time comes, Badger might feel more comfortable in his own surroundings and it would be a loving, peaceful way for him to go.
Take care we'll be here when you need to talk to folk who understand!
Barb and Pippa

[Neacy]

Hello Sarah,

Welcome to COL, I am so sorry about Badger , it is the worst part of having a dog that you love so much and you have to make that choice, you will get lots of support, help and advice on COL.

I had to have my last dog Ben pts and I had the vet come out, it was so much better, Ben was with people he loved, he was not stressed out and I felt so much better for having him pts in his own home, even though I felt guilty and had so much pain and heartache, and did nothing but cry all the time the vet and the nurse were here, but looking back I'm glad I choose this way.

I know how you are feeling and it is the worst feeling in the world, so stay strong, we are all here for you.

Take care, Denise and Harvey xx

[emilymae]

Welcome to COL Sarah,   So many people here seem to have been through the same thing.  We lost Tilly in January, and were absolutely devastated.  Within a few weeks we had Emily, and yes we did feel disloyal, but I have to say she has really helped us. I think Barb is right, Badger will tell you when the time is right, and although it is truly heartbreaking, it is also very peaceful and dignified.  We were able to hold Tilly all the time, and she was very relaxed, we also spent time with her afterwards to say thank you for being such a loyal little friend. All the very best Sarah, stay in touch with people on here, everyone is so helpful, and it relly does help to talk to people who understand.

[ellie doodle]

Hello Sarah. Sending big hugs to you and Badger from Ellie and me
I had a Cocker Boy called Toby when I was growing up, he was so part of our family, and when you are a kid you don't think of them growing old. But it did happen to Toby, he basically just got too old... not one thing was wrong with him, he was just old. Every night I would kiss him goodnight, hoping you would just drift off to sleep in Cocker Heaven, where it will be forever fun. However, he didn't, bless him, he woke every morning, sometimes with another ache or pain, until finally I had to make the decision. It was the hardest thing in my life, not just the decision, but also the doubt afterwards. However, I can honestly look back and know that it was the kindest thing to do, for the love of my Toby. With an understanding Vet, support from family, and the huge circle of friends that will listen and always be there on COL, it ain't easy, but you can draw strength, ease the guilt that you feel, and remember all of the good memories that you have.
I wish you and your family well, Sarah, I too have tears streaming down my cheeks, but do you know, some of them are tears of pride and humbleness for the people we are and the dogs that we love.

Joanne      

[badgeralbert]

I'm back already!  Thank you for the lovely replies.  I am quite a strong person until it comes to Badger and I go to pieces.   I have tears down my face again reading your replies.  Thank you it is supporting.

I stopped working when he was 3 and now work from home.  I live in a tiny village in the countryside and the children go to school on a little minibus (because they choose to, I would take them), he had always come to the school bus with us to see the children off to school until the last couple of years when he wont go out.  He has pride of place on the settee (and always has had) we have to sit around him but at the moment he cannot get on there and is on the floor.

When I took him to the vets a couple of weeks ago and brought him home I made an appointment to go back the next day but I was in a real state, had to get my mum down to look after the children and make them some tea, I had gone to pieces.  He wasnt showing signs of pain anymore so I rang them the next day and cancelled the appointment and asked to speak to the vet.  She rang me back when she came in and I told her all about it, and also told her I would be unable to make that "journey" with him.  So when the time does come the vet will come to our house, at least I have some comfort in that.

I do believe he will tell me when the time is right but believe he hasnt as yet, although it wont be long, could be days or weeks, I have my eye on him, he is the love of my life.

Anyway, tears still streaming down my face, thank you all for your support.

[louis mum]

I lost my Louis in October, going through the exact emotions and turmoil you are now. I too am now in tears reading your post as I know just how heart breaking it is watching them and wondering how much longer you will have them with you. 

All I can say is that you will know when it is time. At one moment you will just instinctively know.  My heart goes out to you it really does. 

We got Alfie 6 weeks ago, and yes I thought I could never love him  but I do.  He has helped me so much since Losing Louis, I was in a bit of an emotional state right up until Alfie came home.  They allow you to focus on something good, dont get me wrong I miss Louis terribly and have a cry frequently, but this little munchkin is now here and keeps us smiling with his antics. 

I too discovered this site when Louis was poorly and the support you get from here is unbelievable, you know you are not alone in how you feel. 

Keep posting, there will always be someone to listen when you need it most.

[Clover]

Hugs to you and your boy Badger.  Its a heartbreaking decision to make.  The vet came out to both my girls. There was just 15 months between losing Clover to losing Amy, they had happy lives and made our lives very happy. I think you know when the time is right, and the apt saying that Nicola quoted is right.  Thinking of you, keep strong.  Sarah

[badgeralbert]

Well, he is not very good today at all, seems to have gone right downhill.  I will see how he goes tonight.

He has been lying in the hall nearly all day, sometimes asleep and sometimes looking uncomfortable.  I would like to come down one morning and find him peacefully passed away.  I know the time is very near.

Thank you for all your kind words of support. 

Sarah
x

[louis mum]

I am so sorry.  Keep strong for your boy.  I really do hope it isnt his time yet. 

[sarah25]

Welcome to COL

So sorry to hear about Badger
You will fnd lots of surport & help here
x

[barb]

Just wanted to send you some comforting hugs, we're all thinking about you
Take care
Barb

[emilymae]

Hope you have a good night with your boy Sarah   

[bev6951]

I just want to echo all the words of support that others have posted and send lots of hugs for you and your amazing boy ((( )))