Author Topic: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!  (Read 3663 times)

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Offline Landers

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Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« on: November 14, 2019, 10:09:27 PM »
We have an almost 6 month old puppy and I am really struggling to get him used to being on his own.

He was doing fine up to around an hour in his crate but any longer than that and he barked and howled. He isn’t destructive so I started letting him have free run of the kitchen but that didn’t go much better.

I don’t have to leave him for long but I do need to be able to leave him sometimes. For the last couple of weeks he seems to be getting worse. After around 10 minutes he barks and howls and alternates between pacing around and sitting forlornly by the stairgate I have at the kitchen door. He doesn’t usually make a mess but this evening I had to leave him for just over an hour and he did a wee even though I took him out before I left.

He has plenty of walks, training and games so should be physically and mentally tired. He won’t touch any treats such as kongs that I leave out but will rush to them the second I get home. I don’t make any fuss coming or going. I’ve tried the radio but it didn’t seem to make any difference.

This week I’ve tried going back to leaving him for just 10-20 minutes at a time but I’m unsure how often I should be doing this and how quickly I should be able to build it up. Other people have said to me their dog did similar and then it suddenly just clicked and they calmed down. But he seems to be getting worse not better and I don’t want to have some extreme SA case on my hands.

It’s getting me down now as I feel so housebound all the time and can’t get anything done.

Does anyone have any tales of hope they can share with me?


Offline Mari

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2019, 10:26:55 AM »
So sorry to read this, I know how difficult separation anxiety is. We struggled with it and it was a nightmare. But I came home the other day and found my cocker sleeping in my bed. Even though it's been years since we had trouble with real separation anxiety, seing her so relaxed when home alone made me tear up. So thankfully there is hope  ;)

I do think however that the only fool proof way to get over it is to start over. Get a dog sitter or try to get help from friends or family. Because every time you have to leave the dog for an hour or any time period that triggers the anxiety you sabotage all the good training you've done. So for the next weeks or months I would advise to do all you can to make sure you only leave the dog for however long he can tolerate.

I had to start with just walking out the door and coming back in again immediately. It took us a long time to work up to minutes, and then some more time before we could even consider an hour or more. I used all the tools I could think of. Kong, DAP diffuser, radio, lights on, webcam connected to my phone, dog sitters. Everything helped a little bit, but the training takes time.

My dog has never been very comfortable home alone, but she did stop being scared with training. She went from scratching the door and howling to eating her kong and then snoozing near the door. I've always had to make sure I don't stress before I leave her alone. I had to change from someone who was always running late to someone who had things ready and could leave the house without a fuss.

I don't know if you wanted tips or just hope, so I guess this is a mix, sorry. But I know the feeling of being trapped in the house and constantly worrying about if it's ever going to get better. It did get better for us. And my dog is pretty neurotic (and so am I if I'm being honest :005:) so I'd say there is hope for everyone, hang in there!

Oh and btw, good idea to try without the crate! I moved houses when my dog struggled (for different reasons) and it helped with the separation anxiety training. Obviously not suggesting you move  ;) But I think sometimes the space we leave them in can become a trigger and changing rooms can potentially be helpful.

Offline Gerryjane

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2019, 11:32:43 AM »
So agree with Mari. It’s the training that is key which means never letting the dog become distressed but always staying under threshold. 😀

Offline lescef

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2019, 01:57:43 PM »
He is only six months old so  he is still a baby really. I should think you still have to build it up slowly and yes, I agree that he has to stay under threshold.
I did see this on another dog training site. Basically,  give  something like a kong, give it in one room but you go and sit in another . The dog is then making it's own choice, kong  or you !   The idea being they choose  the treat and it builds up independence.  Maybe he associates a kong with being left?  If so, that method might work as you are still around.
Might be worth incorporating into your training. Good luck!
Lesley, Maddie and Bramble

Offline Landers

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2019, 06:16:53 PM »
Thanks Mari, yes hope was what I was after! But tips gratefully received too. That must be lovely to finally see yours relaxed and snoozing.

That’s a good idea about leaving a treat in another room. But wouldn’t he just go and get the treat and bring it to where I am? Or do I close the gate to leave him with the treat but sit within eye shot outside the gate?

He was doing so much better so I’m not sure why he has regressed. I must have pushed him too far.

I don’t really have anyone to help with him unfortunately, so have to leave him sometimes. Last night was parents evening and my husband was away (he travels a lot and works long hours) so I had to leave him. I bring him to as much as I can such as football training, cross country meets etc but we skipped swimming lessons for weeks so have just started back to that as still have to pay for it.

I’m so confused hearing about people who get a puppy and take a week off to settle it in and then leave it all day with just a dog walker or someone popping in halfway through the day. How?? Really??

The good news is he is happy being left with my husband or even with one of the kids in a room with him if I’m upstairs. So although he is definitely most attached to me he is fine with other people too.

Does it really undo everything to go over threshold sometimes? I just don’t see how I can avoid that some days.

Offline bizzylizzy

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2019, 07:20:53 PM »
He is only six months old so  he is still a baby really. I should think you still have to build it up slowly and yes, I agree that he has to stay under threshold.
I did see this on another dog training site. Basically,  give  something like a kong, give it in one room but you go and sit in another . The dog is then making it's own choice, kong  or you !   The idea being they choose  the treat and it builds up independence.  Maybe he associates a kong with being left?  If so, that method might work as you are still around.
Might be worth incorporating into your training. Good luck!

 I watched a training video on a similar them, - the treat or kong or whatever is only used when the dog is left, so that it becomes something really special. I haven‘t actually tried it because fortunately we‘ve not faced the problem, but it seemed a very logical method! Best of luck!


Offline Mari

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2019, 07:25:03 PM »
We had setbacks too, felt like it was not helping at all in the beginning. And we've even had a few times years after the worst of it when she had shorter periods of being anxious again. Luckily it didn't take as much training to get her out of it the other times.
"They" say it ruins the progress if you push them by leaving them too long. I am not sure. I'm guessing it depends on the individual dog? I remember being super by the book in the beginning. But then when she could handle 20 min or so I believe is when I started to sometimes leave her for longer from time to time. Like you said, it can get really difficult to avoid it. And I also feel like we got to a point in the training where I was being too predictable and anxious myself. So for us I think it helped that I just had to risk two hours and let us both see that we survived it. Maybe someone with more experience with dog training knows. I am guessing with some dogs it only slows the training down, maybe others regress more? But if the anxiety is getting worse, then maybe now is a sensitive time for whatever reason? If I remember correctly they are a little emotional and scared of "ghosts" around the time they reach puberty. I am guessing that can complicate home alone training too? I don't know, but sometimes there is no way to avoid leaving them, all we can do is our best. I think most of us follow the "recipe" most of the time, but then have to break the rules and hope for the best on occation...Sorry I'm not more help, I only have my one worried cocker for reference. My experience with all anxiety related issues is that you train and see very little progress. You make some mistakes, but try to to everything perfectly as much as possible. And then one day, when you are about to give up, it starts falling into place  ;)

Offline lescef

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2019, 08:22:55 PM »
Hmm.... I had a Google and found  something. Yes,  it's suggested you leave them behind a gate but once they are settled and licking away, open the gate and give them the choice to stay put or follow you.  ;)
Lesley, Maddie and Bramble

Offline Landers

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2019, 10:33:41 PM »
It’s interesting things improved around the 20 minute mark as he is usually fine for around 20 minutes so I’m hoping that as his threshold isn’t super low and he is still young that we can turn things around again quickly. I had to leave him once for 3 hours as had no choice and he just sat silently by the gate waiting for me. I would obviously prefer him to relax enough to sleep but at the moment I would definitely be happy with silent waiting!

He is in general a very chilled and calm puppy, no crazy cocker at all. He is getting much better at not being my shadow when I’m at home. So I keep hoping he will just improve but I’ll keep trying with the training anyway.

Offline lescef

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2019, 02:46:19 PM »
I just remembered today how Bramble was as a puppy (she's seven so quite a while ago now!) Although she didn't have SA as such, as I was retired and home nearly all day, she followed me everywhere and wanted to be where I was. As she didn't do it to my husband or daughter,  our trainer did say she needed 'weaning' off me and I had to crates her for a session every day so she didn't become even more attached to me. I think it made her a bit better!
You get a dog to keep you company but then have to make sure they can be independent!
 She's only this last year stopped following me everywhere and sleeping in her basket. Getting old now.  :o
Lesley, Maddie and Bramble

Offline Digger

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2019, 03:12:25 PM »
Hi there.
Just a thought- Have you tried leaving him in a different location in the house?

We had a bit of an unfortunate firework incident the other night (Dog popped out for a wee just as a firework exploded overhead). She was shaking. Luckily we were there so she was fine but the next night she heard some more and I noticed that she ran straight into the house and made a beeline for 'my' seat on the sofa- she seems to see that as a safe place.

If your dog is very attached to you maybe you could let him choose where he goes when you leave him.
Or- give him an old jumper of yours that you have worn and not washed, to comfort him.
Our previous dog had that and would snuggle into it if he ever felt worried.

Hope it gets better for you. He is a very young pup still so there is plenty of time to modify the behaviour by trying different things.

Offline Landers

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2019, 07:34:52 PM »
Thanks both. He has free range now if the kitchen when we are out which is quite a large room and has a utility. He has a couple of favourite spots but doesn’t go to them when I’m out. I’m thinking of buying a really snuggly bed to leave by the gate for when I’m out and could pop a top of mine in it too.

We can’t fit a stairgate over our stairs hence keep him constrained to the kitchen so he can’t roam the house.

Offline Jenn_Rooney

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2019, 01:41:29 PM »
Bonnie never really  had separation anxiety as we did a few tests were we stayed in the house and put her in a pen for 15 mins and there wasn't a peep out of her. Our trainer said separation anxiety usually occurs as soon as you leave the room. Bonnie just gets bored very easily and ends up chewing things  :005: my only suggestion is what worked well for us was to get bonnie puzzle toys with treats in them and a frozen Kong and also we had her in a pen as well that she could roam about in so I don't know if that is something you had considered. We both work and I am home for an hour in the afternoon and it lets us know she is safe and the house isn't torn to pieces lol. Again I agree work up to it a bit at a time if you can we started with bonnie when she was very young so it for her used to it for an early age. Good luck with everything!

Offline Landers

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2019, 08:54:55 PM »
Thanks Jean. I do use kongs, lickimats and puzzle feeders. He tends to be happy to occupied by these when I’m upstairs but not when I’m out of the house or at least not for as long. I’m going to keep trying this week with building up the time.

Offline Gazrob

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Re: Separation anxiety - tales of Hope please!
« Reply #14 on: November 19, 2019, 08:26:07 AM »
I recommend putting him back in the crate and starting over. Leave him daily just for short periods at first then gradually leave him for longer periods. He may howl and whine for a while but he will eventually stop. After a few months once he gets used to you coming and going you won't need to put him in the crate.The main thing is don't give in or you may end up having real problems.