Rescue cocker Molly (formerly Vale) not coming to partner

[mrcocker]

We have had Molly now for 2 weeks. She has settled in well, however, after my partner returned after a long weekend away, Molly will not come to him or near him. When we first got her, she came to both of us, it seems 4 days away and she now seems petrified of him, this has been going on for a week now.

We have tried spending time trying to lure her with treats, especially before tea, but to no avail, she gets excited and you can see she wants the treat but will not take it from him.

I can get her to sit on most occasions prior to feeding. She has come along way, but this set back is proving difficult, especially at feeding times and when OH wants to take her out for a walk. Molly will run around the garden, eventually settle in her bed before the lead can be put on her. Our other cocker Charlie patiently waits while this fiasco plays out.

Does anybody on the forum have any tips that we can use to improve her trust and bond them. I guess we just need to carry on as we are and be patient.

BTW we got Molly, a former ex breeding girl from Many Tears.

[BabyB]

Other than what you're already doing, I can't think of anything else to help.
Hopefully someone will come along soon and give you some advice though 

[ladylola]

Aw that's such a shame.

Guess time is the only solution, wonder if getting your OH to throw treats towards her gently without speaking to her.

[jennyspin]

I know this might sound a bit funny but have you thought of putting one of your OH's worn jumpers or shirts, etc with his smell on in her bed and seeing what happens? I know it isn't exactly the same but one of my girls wouldn't stay with her pups until I put one of my worn tops in the whelping box with them. Perhaps it would get Molly a bit more used to his smell and will know that he won't harm her. Good luck and well done for giving her a wonderful new forever home x

[mrcocker]

Thanks everyone for advice, we will try anything and everything ...

Molly is doing great, apart from this 'issue', it does really upset me though
as I don't like to see my OH stressed about situation, but Molly also, as
she is a gorgeous dog 

We have been very fortunate so far as:

a/ there has been no howling at night or 5am.

b/ toilet training improving, for some reason she loves to leave
    'presents' on upstairs landing, so a baby gate is helping.

c/ separation anxiety is coming along, if Charlie is calm so is
    Molly. We have managed to leave for 3 hrs.

d/ Charlie was jealous to start with, he now licks her etc ...

I will leave one of OH's smellies with her now 

Fingers crossed
x

Please keep advice coming, thanks everyone!

[Ninasmum]

I know this may sound silly but it could possibly be because your partner went away for a few days  and this in turn made her anxious & unsure of him 

Give it time & i'm sure things will settle down.    Perhaps you could get your OH to feed & walk her on their own sometimes, to hopefully make the bond stronger. 

[clairep4]

Sounds like she's just very unsettled and apprehensive, which is understandable in the circumstances.

What I would suggest is that you ask your partner to sit down with a handful of treats. He shouldn't look at Molly at all and should turn his head to the side (a strong calming signal to her).

Then get him to throw a treat to Molly (so she's not having to approach him initially), and repeat this with them gradually being a bit closer to him (might need to break it down into 3 or 4 sessions, it's about building up her trust and confidence).

Gradually you should be able to get her to come that little bit closer, but your partner should still not make eye contact.

When she's coming close enough, get him to hold his hand out with a treat in it (again, face turned away and no eye contact).

Repeat this a few times and he should gradually be able to make contact with her (ask him to use the back of his hand as this is less threatening, and stroke either her sides or her chest).

I would also say if he's going to put her lead on, if he crouches down sideways on to her and uses a similar technique (no eye contact and letting her approach him, being really nice and quiet and calm with her and possibly just giving her a few treats on the floor whilst he puts the lead on) then this should help her confidence. If she's running away and he's effectively chasing her (I know this isn't his intent  ) then that will just make her more wary, so you need to give her a bit of control in the situation so that it's her coming to him.

Hope this helps - sounds like you're doing a fab job with her 

[mattys mum]

Hi

Just to say you are doing great with molly already.  I can see where you are coming from we have had 'fun' with Matty who we have now had for 4 weeks.  He was scared of the doors, dark, lead, car, etc and the only one he was comfy was at first was me.  He was particularly scared around my husband - we have mainly had me and my son do most of the things with matty and my husband has come along for the wlaks with us and ignored matty, eventually giving matty the treat everytime he came back to us, we sat outside in the garden alot again OH stayed really low with treats in his hand and if matty came near he first threw one near matty or held an open hand out and waited.

Yesterday was the first time matty actually went to my OH first time all by himself - he greated him when he came in from work - my husband has given him a love whenever poss and my OH was soooo excited because matty came to say hello!

Keep going with rescues it hard to tell why they are afraid of what they are afraid. 

Finally it has taken 4 weeks and many attempts to workout how to stop matty waking and howling at 4am (i SHOULDNT COUNT MY CHICkens its only been two nights of ok sleep) so as they say patience and not quitting gets us there in the end

Good luck with Molly she sounds lovely

[Hurtwood Dogs]

Bless her, it's still very early days for her my rescue didn't really settle for about 8 months and she'd been exposed to a lot more of a normal life than most rescue breeding bitches.

Other than what you're already doing, I was going to suggest similar to Claire in terms of playing down his interaction with her. My Weim hates face to face eye to eye contact, she also hates 'fuss'. She likes standing next to me and leaning on me she also responds much better to quiet handling and words the less excitability the better as far as she's concerned and she's much more interested in people who are quiet and ignore her. So Claire's less 'full on' contact suggestions might work for your OH if that's Molly's problem and help her gain her confidence around him

Good luck, you're doing really well with her

x

[mrcocker]

Thank you everyone so much for sharing your experiences and offering advice...

It feels that we're not alone with our difficulties, I'm sure my OH will be relieved
too. At the moment, there are smelly t-shirts around the place, hope we don't
get any visitors 

I will suggest to Keith to play a back seat role at the moment and techniques from
Claire.

Many thanks will keep you posted ...

Fingers crossed!

Bianca

[mrcocker]

Hi Everyone,

Just to let you know, my OH & Molly are now getting on alot better!
It's still early days but considering a week ago Molly wouldn't go
anywhere near him, things are definitely improving, even if it is bribery 

The lack of eye contact technique worked a treat, also did the smelly t-shirt
advice. We do need to step up her recall and 'stay' command esp hard when
cooking. I was thinking of getting a whistle, we also have alot of 'Me or the dog'
DVD's kindly sent from Molly's ex-foster carers that we must watch.

One morning my OH had his dressing gown on (that I often wear) and my slippers?
Molly came dashing over to greet him, when she looked up, she soon scurried
away, as it wasn't me. Bless her, still early days ....

Her timidness is improving, we are sprinkling on her food CSJ 'Calm Down', which
seems to be developing her confidence and personality, has anyone else tried it???

Many thanks

Bianca

[jennyspin]

Hey Bianca, that's great news! Well done all of you for sticking with it and doing so much for Molly! Give yourselves one huge pat on the back! Best wishes with your continued successes 

[EmmaA]

Fantastic news 

[Ninasmum]

So pleased to read your update.    Hope Molly continues to grow in confidence with you all. 

[angie68]

Carry on doing your good work.   Molly will definately grow in confidence as she already is making such good progress. 
Angie & Connie