Finally admitting things are not going well

[Archie bean]

I've posted occasionally about little issues with Archies behaviour. He's also an avid poster on the norty board with his antics. But today I think I need to fess up that actually I am REALLY struggling with him. To be honest I just don't seem to gave made that wonderful connection with him that I've gad with my other cockers in the past.
He was a bitey nightmare right from day one. He slept for only tiny amounts and seemed to run on ever-ready batteries. Housetraining took forever and he was unbelievably clingy. He's 9 months now and nothing has changed. He bites. He jumps all over any visitors. He barks at anything that moves. He doesn't sleep. He poos in the house at night 3 out of the last 4 nights - a record so I'm sleep deprived too. As I teach private music students it's really important that he greets visitors politely. He doesn't. He jumps all over them and clamps his jaws on their clothes. Nothing will entice him to let go. I use a baby gate and a houseline now but he often refuses to calm down so I shut him in the kitchen where he howls and scratches at the door. Not conducive to concentrating on a music lesson. I've gad to refuse to accept payment on a couple if occasions. I called a behaviourist in but despite lots if careful research, I chose wrongly and less than 30 seconds after entering my house she used a pet corrector spray with no warning.  Archie behaved impeccably while she was there but within 2 days his mild guarding escalated and he bit me.
I've been trying so hard to work calmly with him but yesterday evening he became very aggressive over a chew and thismorning he went fir ne again because I had the nerve to try to get one of my shies out if my wardrobe! He jumped in and guarded the whole wardrobe, barking, snarling and really frightening me.
I just sat and cried thinking for the gazillionth time that I'm not the right owner for him and that I will have to give him up.
Puppy classes were a nightmare - we were almost asked to leave because he was "invading the other pups' space." It put me off classes so I haven't been. I have now realised I need to do something and have enrolled in a training class for beginners which starts a week today. I'm so worried he's going to wreck the class for everyone. I feel so rubbish and that I've really failed him. I live alone and so have noone to help. My previous dogs were my world but Archie feels at the moment like he's just a dog that lives in my house. I so want to make that bond with him.
I'm crying again as I'm typing, maybe i just need to let it out. Sorry for the really long ranty post I think I needed to do it just to admit to myself that things can't go on getting worse like they are at the moment.

[Jan D]

I have no advice at all I'm afraid...I thought I had it bad with Bobby when he snapped at Roxy for trying to take what he considered to be 'his' treat - but nothing at all like this. You poor thing. I know there will be people along who will help but in the meantime I just wanted to give you  one of these 

[jaybee]

Oh Emma, sending you big big hugs 

First of all, you have NOT failed him. Not at all. You have acknowledged there is a problem, and you have enrolled in more classes and come on here to try and do something about it. Failing him would mean never trying anything to resolve your problems. Have you thought about maybe finding another, kinder, behaviorist to come in?

I don't have any specific advice, not experienced enough, but someone will be along to help.

Please don't feel down on yourself. xxx

[8 Hairy Feet]

Oh Emma
Sorry to hear things with Archie
are a struggle, it must be difficult
to manage on your own.
 I really don't know what to say but
someone will come along soon I'm sure.
You are already doing something
positive; you have expressed your
concerns here and booked for more
classes. I think you may need some
moral support for you;do you have
any friends or relatives who might
have Archie for a couple of hours
just to give you a break.
(If you were near me , he could come
to us  )
I'm also wondering if t-touch might
help to calm him down a bit, if you
want to borrow Sarah Fisher -Unlock
your dog's potential PM me and I will
send.
Sending you this :bigarmhug:from
Yorkshire!
steffxxx

[JennyBee]

Big hugs from me, I think a lot of people have moments where it all seems too much, I certainly had times with Brodie where I cried and thought I'd made a mistake. The biting can really get you down, especially when it seems there is no end. And the overexcitement at visitors is something I still have problems with. Can I ask how much training you do every day? I certainly found that if I wasn't doing enough, she could be a lot more hyper than if we had a few short sessions a day (and yes, concentration was a problem and still is, she has the attention span of a flea - I found clicker training was the best for this as it is easy to start at a low level of training and work your way up). It sounds like you are in the middle of adolescence with Archie, which can be a very trying time for any owner. I'm sure someone more experienced will be along soon, but please know a lot of us have been there and it is more than possible to work through this and come out the other side

[lottiescat]

I admire you so much for writing this post . I have no knowledge of your situation but realise that it must be difficult. There will be people on here who can help.  My own experience of a more (difficult ) dog was to increase the exercise ! Harris is now the best dog ever, but it did take time. Good luck.

[max15]

So sorry to hear how you're feeling.  My first thought also was do you have someone who could give you a little break from each other, not sure where you are based but I know we would certainly try to help if you were near us, sometimes it's good to be able to take a step back from situations.  You have admitted things are not going well so I feel sure you will overcome these difficulties eventually with the correct help.  I bet there will be someone with the correct training experience along to offer you practical advice soon.  Big   from us.

[Clare B]

I'm not hugely experienced with dogs, but it sounds like he needs alot of stimulation ... Some dogs do , some not.   I don't know if you take him for long off lead runs, but he seems like a doggie that needs it.... Also If you live alone he needs to be well socialized so he isn't so overwhelmingly excited when your students arrive.  Do you have a dog park near you, do you take him out where he can meet lots of people?
All dogs personalities and needs are different, your Archie sounds like a live wire who needs loads of excercise and interaction.

[Ruby Tuesday]

You poor thing, you've been so brave to write this post. Archie does sound like a real challenge but I bet with the right help you can help him to be the dog that you want him to be.

My first thought was also does he get enough exercise? Training a dog with loads of excess energy is doomed to failure. Also, what diet is he on? Sometimes a change of food can help. I think he may be going through the terrible teens and this is often a time when you have to re-iterate basic training.

Whereabouts do you live? Maybe someone will know of a trainer who they can recommend. I hope that the class you've signed up to will be kinder than where you went before. We help at a training club and if someone has an issue like yours, we offer extra help. That is what you are there for after all! I think you may need to go right back to basics with him.

Lots of luck. x

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

Aww, I wish you lived closer so I could at least offer to baby sit him for you to get a good nights sleep.

You could go to your lessons and always speak to the trainer at the end, see I'd they'd do 1 to 1 sessions with you.

*loads of hugs from me and Charlie*

P.s. It also sounds like you could do with a holiday x

[elaine.e]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low and demoralized . I'm on my own most of the time because OH works long term contracts abroad so I really understand how much more difficult it is to cope with a challenging dog when you're on your own and have no respite.

My first thoughts on Archie were his age, diet, exercise and stimulation.

Age - Archie is a teenager and likely to be more challenging now than when he was younger.

Diet - What is Archie fed? Diet can have a huge impact on behaviour.

Exercise - Is Archie getting the right amount of exercise? Are you able to take him for a walk including off lead time before you start teaching your students? I try to make my walks a mix of relaxation (can be just sniffing and pottering around, meeting other dogs, trotting or running about freely) mixed in with a bit of focussed time doing some training and maybe some games. The training and games help them to focus on me. The rest of it is relaxation time for them simply to be dogs and chill or run or sniff.

Stimulation - If Archie is getting very hyped up each time a student arrives at the house he might be overstimulated and on a permanent adrenalin high during your working hours. I don't know how many students you have each day, but I wonder if his inability to cope with visitors to the house is either the root of his anxieties or a big factor in them? I have something similar with my 2 year old Cocker, Louis. At the moment I shut him in the study when visitors arrive and that seems to calm him down and make him feel more secure.  That obviously doesn't work with Archie at the moment though and I don't know what else to suggest.

I know other posters have suggested that Archie might need more exercise and stimulation, but I wonder if he needs to learn how to focus and then how to switch off and relax. He sounds like a dog who hasn't found his off switch yet, bless him.

I wonder if finding a good behaviourist and having some one to ones would be your best way forward? I had to pull Louis out of training classes because he was so disruptive (noisy, reactive, unable to focus). I tried again a couple of times when he was a bit older I but had to stop again because he couldn't cope and neither could I because I felt such a failure. Your experiences with Archie at training classes sound so much like mine with Louis that I'm worrying that you and Archie will find it difficult to work in a class at the moment. Please don't think that's a criticism from me, it's a genuine concern. Maybe you could have a one to one with the trainer before you start the new class?

[karen488]

Sorry, I too can't offer any advice but just wanted to say well done for posting. You sound like a very willing and caring cocker owner and where there's a will theres a way 

[lisalh]

  :bigarmhug:I dont know enough about dogs and dog training to offer you any advice but just wanted to let you know how incredibly brave I found your post, would it be possible to put him in kennels or have someone stay for a night or two to let you get some sleep, once you have had a break I am sure you will be ready to tackle whatever he decides to throw your way next and this is not to say you havent got very real problems just that being so tired cannot be helping you xxx

[dawn]

 

I have many challenging times with Henry. He's another spaniel that doesn't turn off, and I'm sure I couldn't manage lots of visitors and classes with Henry around. I have support from my OH, and one day a week at doggy day care, which gives me a break. Anyway you could get a break yourself on a regular basis? I know I couldn't manage myself on my own.

In fact, after a day of being pulled off my feet with him on the lead, I 'm thinking of extra one to one training myself! I hope you find some solutions soon. xx

[Jonnydog]

Poor you Emma - so sorry you're at the end of your tether. It's so hard with a dog sometimes because you can't raeson with them! 

Diet and stimulation do sound like something to think about. Do you use a crate for Archie? It sounds like he might be over-stimulated and need sto learn to chill. Maybe he could learn to be crated when you have a student. It might help with the night time pooing as well. Also, he's young yet, and might well calm down when he comes out of the adolescent stage. I've noticed a big difference in Penny since she had her first season. She seems to have become more of a lady and less of a puppy if you see what I mean. She's about three months older than Archie.

Dogs pick up very quickly on our body language and if you're relaxed, they're more likely to be. If you're always anticipating trouble, it's really hard to be relaxed, I know. Could you maybe try to find a time when you and Archie are at peace ( evenings watching tele?) and think about all the things you love about him so that he picks up on the good vibes, then try to recall that feeling when, say, you're out walking with him on the lead so that your body language transmits relaxed.

Does archie enjoy a bone? I've found working away at a bone a very good form of exercise for my dogs. They get a lot of contentment from chewing and as he's an only dog you shouldn't have guarding issues! You might also want to review his diet.

As others have said, one to one training might be an easier option than classes, especially if Archie's reactive to other dogs. Penny's very barky at our classes if a strange dog appears, or one she's a bit nervous of. She also barks at delivery men, postmen, boats sailing past, helicopters and unusual noises! And I think she's quite chilled for a cocker...

Try not to be too hard on yourself, and you're certainly not a failure. Archie's obviously a lively boy who's juust trying to see how far he can go right now. Lots of support from the lovely people on this forum will get you through this.

Hugs from us
Di