Author Topic: Finally admitting things are not going well  (Read 4479 times)

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Offline Evadee

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2012, 06:33:50 PM »
You must be exhausted  :bigarmhug:

I don't have any advice I'm afraid but I do just want to say that you have taken a huge step forwards by posting this and now you have opened the doors to support and advice.

I don't know how you cope on your own, I'm not sure that I could  ph34r

Others have said Archie is a teenager and at his most rebellious stage and I think things have just peaked for you and they will get better with consistency, the right advice and some more training.  

Can recommend 1-1 training wholeheartedly if you find the right trainer (we had a few months with Tia going once a month).  I think classes might not be best for a while you will just be putting more pressure on yourself and Archie.

Our little angel boy Jake who was the perfect puppy is now almost 8 months and is really pushing the boundaries, so I can definitely vouch for testing times when they become teenagers.

Like I wrote above, I think things have just peaked for you, but both you and Archie can get through this with the right support and advice.

Sorry I can't offer any real advice or help  :bigarmhug:


Offline Lily Pup

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2012, 06:42:08 PM »
Gosh, you've got a lot going on with him  :fear2:    :bigarmhug: 's

At least you've recognised it and can now move forward to try and sort him out.  Where do you live?  I'd quite happily doggy sit or bring Lily and the others around to play with him and give you a bit of a time out  :D.

Offline Patp

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #17 on: May 03, 2012, 06:55:56 PM »
Hi Emma,

First of all  :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug:

Secondly, parts of your message, could have been written by myself!!  Jinley has reduced me to tears on more than one occasion and I often feel that I have let her down.  Getting ready to go to work or even for a walk is a nightmare and ends up in tugs of war with boots, socks etc.

The strange thing is, before the power of the internet etc, I had many dogs that seemed to be well balanced, well behaved individuals that were a joy to own (with not a puppy or obedience class attended)!  I think sometimes, there is a tendency to assume you have failed by comparing yourself and Archie to others and their experiences.

I would also say that IMHO one owner who is consistent in her rules is much better than having a OH who does not agree or practice the same rules!

There will be plenty of great advice given on here to you and as has been said before he is probably picking up on your stress.

Just sit down, write down what some of the problems are and put them in order of priority to solve.  Then pick one at a time and work on it.  If you could start of crate training that would be great.  I bought a whelping pen rather than a smaller crate for Jinley and we are working on her using this for time out at the moment.

Lots of  :luv: :luv:

Pat




Offline karenl

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #18 on: May 03, 2012, 07:44:01 PM »
sorry to hear of the difficult time you are having, i am somebody else who easily could have written parts of your post. our Amber was to say the least challenging when she was younger and i had many tears over her biting , growling unpredictable behavior, she too would guard certain things and i was at my wits end for many months feeling that i had failed somewhere along the line, i am going to cut this short and just sayhang in there as we did with her , she is now two and a half and for the last 6 months or so she has calmed down so much and is now a very loving well behaved dog most of the time. much of the things she did i think was because of my lack of experience but i learnt to ignore a lot of the things she did wrong and in time she would give up, we have a little trouble with high value treats but she doesn't growl or snap at us now she has accepted us sitting near her and just keeps an eye on us and she will leave the treat if we want it back,we nearly parted with our dog on quite a few occasions because it got that bad but we still have her and she is doing so well now, it must be so hard though when you are on your own, good luck.

Offline Karma

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #19 on: May 03, 2012, 07:51:52 PM »
Firstly, it's not a case of "admitting" anything - not all dogs are straightforward, and it sounds like you haven't had a great deal of appropriate support from those you have paid to help you.  :-\

I think the training class is a great idea - it will give you and him something to focus on together.  It's unbelievable to me that you were effectively thrown out of puppy classes - we have occassionally had pups come to puppy class who are so anxious that the trainers have offered to arrange some 1:1 support instead, but generally we work with the pup to get them to the point where they *can* participate in the class... to just send you away seems ridiculous.

I woul firstly recommend taking Archie for a full check at the vets - and specifically insist on a thyroid blood test - as it is always wise to rule out a physical cause for his behaviour difficulties.
I would also recommend finding a (better) behaviourist - perhaps if you post where you are people on here may have recommendations for you.  I could easily understand you being reluctant to do this after your experience with the person you found, but guarding behaviour especially can be very complex and it is very difficult to advise on this over the internet.

Having said that, a few things could help in the meantime (and at the very least will do no harm).

As others have said, getting the balance right on exercise, brain-work and relaxation can really help.  I'm not sure what exercise and training you do with Archie, but I would recommend several short training sessions a day (this can be just 5 mins here and there, and you can incorporate some training into walk time as well).  At this point keep the training simple and stress-free...  Likewise a couple of brain-games would be good - "find it" is a good one (and you can again do this on walks as well as in the house).
As far as learning to switch off, this may help = http://dogscouts.org/Protocol_for_relaxation.html  

I would agree with the suggestions to try crate-training Archie if he is not already crate-trained - it may well help with the toiletting problems and will give him a safe place to retreat to.  Introduce a crate very gradually, and make it a fun place to be... I can go into more detail on how to do this if you are interested.

Finally, I would recommend hand-feeding Archie for now - this can really help with guarding issues, and certainly improves the bond between dog and owner.  And I know it is easier said than done if you are not sure what he is likely to guard, but try not to leave anything about that he might guard.  If he has something he shouldn't, don't tell him he shouldn't have it, but tell him how clever he is and encourage him to "present" it to you.  You may have to start with swapping for a really high value treat, but in time you can train a retrieve and encourage him to bring all kinds of stuff to you for a reward (which may be a treat, but also could be praise, a game etc).

Also agree with previous posters who have mentioned looking at diet, and that he is at the age where he is likely to be most challenging - Honey's guarding issues with other dogs appeared during her adolescence.
Remembering Honey. Aug 2007-July 2020

Offline JulieM

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #20 on: May 03, 2012, 07:56:10 PM »
Sending you some  :bigarmhug:

Hope you have a better night tonight and that things improve really soon for you.


Offline cangrejo

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2012, 07:56:40 PM »
 :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug:
Rosie, Charlie & Dexter xxx
Charlie 31/12/09
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Offline cdpops

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #22 on: May 03, 2012, 08:01:48 PM »
 :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: no advice , just wanted to let you know I have been through similar, I have cried myself to sleep on many occasions,  things improved immensely with help from an excellent behaviourist.
Hope you get the help and support you both need soon.

Offline Dozy bird

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #23 on: May 03, 2012, 08:16:03 PM »
I'm so sorry you are finding things hard going at the moment and also that I don't have any good advice to give you. However I did want to say that you haven't let him down in any way intact the opposite because you are trying to solve the issues that you have.
I'm sure you'll find a way and before long all this will be behind you.
 :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: to you

Love Sally. Xx


Offline dal55

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #24 on: May 03, 2012, 08:20:53 PM »
I so feel for you.   Karma always gives good advice so I, for one,  would put into practice as she  advises.
In sayning that  I had a one to one trainer with Cassie re chasing pheasants ,birds etc and found the advice he gave and all the residual advice invaluable.
 Don't feel a failure. I truly think that most Cocker owners have some form of problem especially when they are pups and personally I  am thankful that I found this forum. I'm sure if you could read back all the posts, that most of us have experienced the same as you in some form or other.
Cassie went thru a "terrible Twos" and was a little terror and now ..... well ...she is a little terror but loveable !!!!!!
Hang in there kid !!!! XXXXX

Offline Ben's mum

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #25 on: May 03, 2012, 08:39:08 PM »
Well done you for admitting you are struggling - its not easy to do is it  ;) I was there with Ben several years ago now and didn't have the knowledge of COL members to advise me.  It can be soul destroying as you are supposed to love your puppy and have endless hours of fun together, but the reality can be very different they are not all like the Andrex puppy all the time.

You have already had good advice form Elaine and Karma in particular. Like you my first attempt at a behaviourist was a real let down as she told me to stop Ben from being 'dominant' and even suggested the dreaded rage! Ben was just horrible as a pup and did all the things you describe, he used to just explode with temper shrieking, growling and snapping I used to dispear as everyone else at training had complete angels.  Ben improved greatly once I started to work differently with him and also gave him things to do with his brain to wear him out, like all his meals and treats given in treat balls. 

Why don't you ask Top Barks about registered and reccomended behaviourists near you or within travelling distance as having the right person can make all the difference.   Please don't give in, it does get easier I promise you - Ben is the light of my life although he still has his moments at the age of 9  :005:  but I have learnt how to respond (or more accurately how not to respond!) and he is a joy to have around.

Offline Archie bean

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #26 on: May 03, 2012, 09:23:19 PM »
Oh my gosh, I don't know where to start. I am feeling soooo overwhelmed with love and support. Thank you ALL so much. You have had me in tears again but this time for a much better reason. I have just got back from an introductory talk at the training club - without dogs this week. They seemed very positive and helpful and I feel like it might actually be a good thing to focus on. If it doesn't work out at least I know I will have tried. I am feeling much more positive already.  :luv: :luv: :luv:

I have printed off your replies and am going to settle down tonight and have a good read of them to digest it all. I wish I could answer you all individually but I'll try to answer some of the main queries. Firstly, I'm in Devon just outside Exeter so if anyone can recommend a behaviourist in the area I would be delighted to hear from you. I think the guarding is the most serious issue as it is beginning to escalate and I think that will need to be addressed on a one to one basis.

I had him checked by the vet just in case and all was normal - phew!

He has two walks off lead every day. One 45 mins and one 20 - 40 mins depending on my teaching commitments. We do short training sessions 2 or 3 times a day. He is actually really good during them, it's just in "real life" that he's a little  >:D He does lose interest really quickly though. At least once a week we go to a park by the canal that is full of other dogs (he meets some dogs in our village but sadly the two he used to play with regularly are no longer around - one moved away and the other was very sadly run over by a car :'( ) It is difficult to walk him off lead at the park though because he goes crazy when he meets people. He jumps all over them and also has a habit of chasing the bikes which also frequent the park.

He doesn't have a crate. He had a soft, travel one as a pup because he goes to my Mum when I am out performing at weddings or concerts. He never saw it as a safe haven, rather a chew toy! It has since been completely destroyed so perhaps a proper crate may be the next step.

I changed his diet from Royal Canin as i read it can cause behavioural problems. He refused all other kibble and as he was weaned on a mix of naturediet and the RC I just moved to just the naturediet. He has since moved to Wainwrights wet food because he prefers it (he's not a food fan at all to be honest) The Wainrights is all natural with no nasty ingredients. He is still on the puppy version so maybe I should try the adult one? He will chew on a bone for a little while but he growls horribly if I so much as move a whisker so I tend not to give them to him.

I realised that I hadn't actually been away from him for some me time since i have had him. The only time I've been away from him, I've been working. You are so right. I need a break soooooo I have arranged with my Mum that she will look after him next Tuesday while I have a girly shopping day with my best friend. I can't wait.

Well, I seem to have done it again and posted a novel :005: Once again thank you soo much for all your fabulous support. I will keep you posted on how we are going. It might be a long raod but sometimes you have to take a really long, tiring journey to get to the most beautiful places.

 :luv: :luv: :luv: :luv: :luv:

Offline Evadee

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #27 on: May 03, 2012, 09:30:25 PM »
I have just read your latest post up to the point when you mention that you are just outside Exeter.  I'm messaging you details of a behaviour/training lady in the Cullompton area (not sure which side of Exeter you are though).

Offline KellyT

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #28 on: May 03, 2012, 09:33:44 PM »
big hugs Emma  :luv:
Sometimes just knowing you aren't really alone in how you're feeling, or where you're trying to get too is a massive relief :) x
Kelly & the 3 muskaspaniels x

Offline *Jes*

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Re: Finally admitting things are not going well
« Reply #29 on: May 03, 2012, 09:52:21 PM »
Hi
Don't know if this is of any help, but wondered if you had a mypetstop in your area?  I went to my first training class there with my girlie and noticed that they had a trainig class for problem dogs, think it was called Growlers, but it appeared to be for disruptive dogs.  this might help ease your anxiety of you thinking he might spoil the class, to know other people had problems too with their dogs!  Anyway, just a thought.
Jes