How do I know when it's time?

[HayleyJB]

My beloved cocker is coming up to her 17th birthday.  I adore her but everybody is telling me it's time to let her go.  They also tell me I'll know when the time is right but I don't think I ever will.  She has numerous "problems" but I am of the opinion that they are all manageable on their own and is it fair to put her to sleep for "old age" related stuff? 

She had a spinal op 7 years ago & never fully recovered the use of her back end.  We managed but now she has lost so much muscle mass she cannot get up on her own.  She's been like this for about 18 months and it's a way of life for us now to get her up everytime she wants to get about.  She is weak now and can sometimes only walk a few steps, other times she's ok and can walk relatively normally.  She has a problem with her eyes in that her pupils no longer dilate thus when the weather is like it is (sunny) she walks about with her eyes shut as it's too bright for her and she walks into things.  I know though that come this evening when the sun goes down she will improve dramatically.  She is incontinent but on medication although it's beginning not to work as well.  She gets me up at least twice a night to go for a wee, sometimes anything up to 4 times a night and she does wee (& poo) in her bed a couple of times a week.  We have a very limited life ourselves, we can only leave her when we know she will sleep for a couple of hours. My Mum looks after her for me while I go to work (although I make sure she sleeps most of the time I am away) and I see her at lunchtimes to walk her.  She has lost a lot of weight recently and now weighs less than 10 kilos but we put that down to old age.

Despite all this she eats well and still has 3 (sometimes 4) short walks a day.  We spoke to our vet 6 months ago, he said he wouldn't think we had made a wrong decision whatever we decided to do and if we were prepared to keep giving her the level of care we do then there was no reason she shouldn't carry on.  I am still prepared to carry on but my partner and my Mum are struggling as obviously they don't love her like I do.  Basically she needs full-time care unless she is asleep.

My partner thinks I am being selfish & aren't considering her feelings but I still cannot imagine having her PTS, my guilt would be immense.  It fills my waking thoughts now and I feel like I'm having a constant battle with myself.  I just want her to go peacefully in her sleep, is that too much to ask?

[DarceyTheDog]

Awww poor you and your pooch. It's a terrible decision to have to make but if i was in your position with Darcey I'd care for her as long as I could and she was comfortable unless she had something life threatening I don't think I could have her pts. Maybe it's best to talk to your partner seriously about it. What ever you do you'll make the right decision for your family.

[ClareB]

Having been there myself, I can safely say that you WILL know when the time is right. You will still beat yourself up about it afterwards though; I think it's all part of the grieving process.  With our old boy, we always said the day he stopped eating was the day he was ready to go. He made it to 15 and although physically healthy, he'd had dementia for about a year.

It's not an easy decision to make, but unfortunately only you and your family can make it. 

[maggieann]

It is so hard, but I believe you will know when the time is right. 
I had a similar decision to make with my last Cocker. For a while he had been unable to get up on his own and when he was up, he was wobbly on his legs - I had a sling that I used to help him get out to the toilet. Although he required extra care, I believed his quality of life was still good. I would have carried on caring for him for as long as needed, but one morning I just knew the time had come - he wasn't enjoying his food and he just looked so tired. I took him to his favourite part of the garden and sat there with him for a while, then took him on his final journey to the vet.   

[*Jay*]

  I just want her to go peacefully in her sleep, is that too much to ask?

7 years ago, I lay on the bathroom floor with my old boy every night for a week begging him to do the same thing. I truly didn't think I would ever be able to let him go and I also thought that because I wanted him to stay with me forever, that I might miss the signs (ignorance is bliss so to speak) that everyone says that you will see. He looked at me that Sunday morning and I can't tell you what was different about that look compared to all the other times he had looked at me over the years, but instinctively I knew that look was letting me know that he had had enough. So if you have a strong bond with your dog and you don't feel it's her time to go, then maybe it isn't.

Another thing to remember when people are giving their opinions is that all dogs (and owners) have different tolerance levels as to what they can, and can't, cope with. If my old dog had become incontinent, for example,  I'd have let him go as he was a very clean dog who got so distressed if he ever had an accident in the house. Whereas the 2 dogs I have now wouldn't really care so it wouldn't be such an issue with them.

It really is a heartbreaking thing to go through  

[black taz]

you will know when the time is right.  My collie cross had been poorly for about a month slowly going down hill, then rallying then dropping again.  I came home from work one night and she didnt meet me at the door, the first time ever, and she had weed on the carpet (again a 1st).  THat evening i looked at her and knew i had to have her PTS the next day.  We took her to bed as usual, my OH carried her upstairs, she walked across the bedroom, laid down and sighed her last breath.  It was if she knew i had accepted it was time for her to go.  i thank god i was in the room with her, it was so peaceful.

I would use eating as a good sign, as long as she isnt obviously in pain. 

[seaangler]

you will know when the time is right.  My collie cross had been poorly for about a month slowly going down hill, then rallying then dropping again.  I came home from work one night and she didnt meet me at the door, the first time ever, and she had weed on the carpet (again a 1st).  THat evening i looked at her and knew i had to have her PTS the next day.  We took her to bed as usual, my OH carried her upstairs, she walked across the bedroom, laid down and sighed her last breath.  It was if she knew i had accepted it was time for her to go.  i thank god i was in the room with her, it was so peaceful.

I would use eating as a good sign, as long as she isnt obviously in pain.  

Sorry started to read your story...And filled up.. will wright later...

[HayleyJB]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts & opinions.  It is a very difficult time for us all at the moment, Jezzie is a lot worse when the weather is hot & bright which isn't helping things.  I know she isn't in any pain and while she doesn't have the quality of life she had when she was young I do believe she still enjoys her limited life.

IMO it is the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, I made it with her Mum 7 years ago and it broke my heart.  I stayed with Misty till the end and while it was hard I felt I owed it to her.  I will do the same with Jezzie when the time comes.

[Ninasmum]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts & opinions.  It is a very difficult time for us all at the moment, Jezzie is a lot worse when the weather is hot & bright which isn't helping things.  I know she isn't in any pain and while she doesn't have the quality of life she had when she was young I do believe she still enjoys her limited life.

IMO it is the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, I made it with her Mum 7 years ago and it broke my heart.  I stayed with Misty till the end and while it was hard I felt I owed it to her.  I will do the same with Jezzie when the time comes.

My heart goes out to you both    I do think you have your answer in that sentence. 
Jezzie will tell you when its time & because you are her main carer i would wait until that day.   
Thinking of you both 

[Holly Berry]

It is such a hard decision to make and I am in tears reading your post.

I have had to make the decision several times and each one has been different. Each time though although the guilt is enormous looking back I knew it was the right thing to do.

For me the sign has been quality of life, if they can no longer enjoy life, something I believe is reflected in the way they look at you, or in uncontrollable pain then its time.

Dogs only know quality and not quantity  

[Robbie34]

It's a very difficult decision to make.  I was fortunate insofar as my last two Cockers were very ill, and the decision was made for me.  However, the oldies can be very high maintenance, but as long as they have a quality of life then it's a "no brainer" as far as I'm concerned.

My older dog, Charley, is almost fourteen, and he is high maintenance.  He is blind and deaf and has a heart murmur, but he enjoys his walks and has a good appetite.  Although he is hard work I wouldn't even consider having him pts.  He's been a lovely dog, and he's given me a lot of love and pleasure, so it's essential that I re-pay him and care for him in his old age. I dread the day when I may have to make that decision.

[Penelope]

Years ago we had a little yorkie named Meg.  She was only 7 but caught a really nasty virus and was very, very poorly.
She was at the vet's in their intensive care and we went to visit her every night.  She was always pleased to see us, but so very sad.  Every night we said goodbye to her not knowing if she would be there the next night.
On the Thursday she gave me a "look".  I too cannot describe it, but in my heart of hearts I knew she was telling me that it was time.  However, the vet had one new drug he wanted to try just in case - and I agreed, thinking it just might work.

All these years later I try not to dwell on it, but I still beat myself up about it because Meg died that night, alone at the vets.
He rang me in tears on the Friday morning to tell me she was gone and I felt desolate and so guilty that I hadn't been there with my little girl.
Having seen "the look" I will never make that mistake again, and if one of my dogs lets me know it is time, I will do what they wish.

However, in your case, it must be so very hard.  I sort of believe the old adage, "better a day too soon than a day too late" as you would not want your dog to suffer......
But......

I really feel for you and hope you know when the time is right to do that last and possibly most important thing you can do for your old dog.
 

[Jonnydog]

It's such a hard decision to make, but like the others who have posted here, I'm sure he'll tell you when he's ready. I went through this earlier in the year with Jess, and it was a look she gave me that made up my mind. We went for a little walk, shared a fillet of fish and then went to the vet's. I fed her biscuits while we waited and it was both dignified and heartbreaking at the same time.

It's a wonderful kindness you can do for him that we cannot do for our human loved ones.

I hope his last days are filled with all that he loves and that you enjoy them together. 

[lynnruby]

You will know........she will tell you.

We went through this at the end of January this year. Our lovely old Ben just looked at us as if to say "I've had enough, please let me go"

 

[Poppsie]

Trust me you will know , we knew with our precious Poppy is was the hardest thing we have ever had to do and if you have ever seen some of my other threads you will know that 2 years on I still struggle without her and Pebbles   Pebbles was different though I never thought that when she went for her op that we would be told she had cancer Pebbles was 14 and Poppy was 13 yrs and 4months old.
Its hard VERY hard but you have to think of her quality of life, only you know your own dog and how she is coping whatever you decide we are all here for you to give you comfort and support take care love Dianne x x x