Litter sisters and jealousy

[Mina]

Hi all,

I was after some advice (sorry for the long post)…

I have two litter sisters, 3 years old. Mina has been with us since 8 weeks old while we adopted Daisy a couple of months ago from the breeder where she had been since birth. Daisy came with some behavioural problems mostly due to lack of training, the worst of it being anxiety especially when going out for walks but we are slowly getting this under control.

My main problem now however is that both girls are quite jealous of each other. They manifest their jealousy in different ways. Daisy will push Mina away from me and hubby whenever we are cuddling Mina or giving her any attention. If we call Mina, it is always Daisy who comes to us first. Daisy will wake up from deep sleep if we try to even whisper any niceties to Mina. If we are on the sofa with Daisy and Mina approaches, Daisy will growl. Mina, on the other hand, will not push Daisy away if we are cuddling her. She will just stare at us from a distance with an unimpressed look on her face, then let out a long sigh and turn her back to us.

When it comes to feeding time, as soon as I bring out the girls' bowls Mina plonks herself down in the middle of the kitchen floor and stares at Daisy with a mean look. Daisy usually then retreats in the far corner of the kitchen and avoids Mina's stare. As soon as they are eating though, they are fine. Similarly, when it's bedtime and we go upstairs (they sleep with us in the bedroom), if Mina is in the bedroom first she will sit down in the middle of the room to wait for Daisy and give her the mean stare. Sometimes Daisy will not even enter the room until Mina has taken herself off to bed. Other times, she tiptoes around Mina and hides behind a chair in the back corner of the room until we all go to bed. If Daisy is in the room first and Mina comes in, Daisy will growl at Mina and Mina either ignores her or stares back at her, which is when we usually put them both in their beds to avoid things from getting more heated. They have so far never gone for each other, thankfully.

It's only been a couple of months with Daisy around but there has not been any improvement in the situation. I am wondering if anyone on here has (had) similar issues and if you would have any advice on how to at least avoid this from escalating, which is my biggest fear at the moment. The girls generally do not interact much, apart from a fleeting moment some mornings when they have just woken up and Mina might "wash" Daisy's face (which Daisy does not really appreciate but just about tolerates), and some other rare moments when Daisy is feeling playful and she throws herself on the floor for a little roll and Mina might come and lick her face for a bit.

I would love for them to get along better, I guess it is too much to ask that they be best friends but it would be nice if they enjoyed each other's company at least some times!

Thanks ever so much in advance!

[Gerryjane]

I’m no expert on this but I would certainly feed them in separate rooms and pick up bowls as soon as finished. Limit chances for any resource guarding as much as possible.

[lescef]

Hi. I understand your problem. I have two girls age 8 and 7.  They only tolerate each other and although it is said dogs don't do jealousy I would say my younger one does!  (Guarding I suppose because they feel insecure)
In fact she's sat next to me now growling at the other one who is just sat by the window so I'm going have to move her.
We didn't have an easy time when they were younger. We had phases when one would go for the other, but never drew blood. It is important not to let them practice the behaviour and also to protect the one being picked on.
You say you've only had Daisy a couple of months so it's still early days and the fact they can lick one another must mean there is hope. Mine wouldn't tolerate that at all!
I would recommend getting some advice from a positive behaviourist as they can see your situation first hand and will give you tips. Try not to show your anxiety when there's trouble as they pick up on it. I tend to sigh and distract them now but it's  taken me a few years to get to that state of mind. Good luck.

[Mina]

Thank you very much to both!

I am feeding them in different parts of the kitchen where they can still see each other, so I agree it is probably better to do it in different rooms altogether. I will do this from now on.

I am well aware that I should not get anxious when the girls bicker but it's hard to stay calm and I know I need just as much "training" as they do to get this under control!! It will take some time I think, we'll all learn as we go. I have been trying to distract both when they get worked up and often it does work, so will keep doing this. Finding a decent behaviourist in our part of the world is unfortunately almost impossible. I wish it was an option as I am not an experienced cocker owner - these two are my first - so I will have to rely on the advice on this forum (which has been invaluable ever since Mina came home as a puppy).

Thanks again! 

[Gerryjane]

You can get advice from experienced and up to date trainer/behaviourists ... some are also Vets, in the Facebook group Dog Training Advice and Support. The issues you describe will surface with any breed not just cockers. I got invaluable advice with my reactive and difficult golden retriever.
You join and look for the info you need in their units section .... loads of good science based info. If you can’t find what you need you post a question and one of them will get back to you. Hope that helps. They also help to find local force free trainers if necessary. 

[Mina]

Sounds good Gerryjane! Thanks, I will look this up!