Author Topic: Need some help and support :)  (Read 2022 times)

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Offline hihelloitsnina

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Need some help and support :)
« on: May 25, 2020, 01:57:34 PM »
So if you have read some of my recent posts, you’ll have seen we were moving! Chester has settled very well in many parts, sleeps until 9am now!!!! We still have the crate but we do not shut him in it and he much prefers that. The one thing we are struggling with is leaving him. Now we aren’t actually having any reason to leave him just now (part from shopping) due to my partner working from home. I still go out to work and he’s totally okay when I leave etc. So we have begun practice leaving him, we after his lunch time walk put him in the living room with a Kong and then shut the door and we then pretend to shut our front door as if we are going out (so he’s used to it when we actually leave) then we hide In the bedroom! For the first 5 mins, he’s ok completely distracted by Kong then he begins to cry or bark a little and sniffs at the door, he paws the door, he doesn’t howl/cry/bark constantly but will normally do one then wait 30 seconds then again then be quiet for a minute then again etc. We wait until he’s quiet to go in and get him, but this has been consistent for the past few days. Few questions:

(Little background, he could left for between 4-6 hours in our old house and was completely fine, was very rare we were ever out that long but he settled fine, obviously this is a big change for him so we totally understand that)


1. Should we go right back to the start and train him like he is a puppy?(if so tips!, what I did when he was a puppy was try to build him up but he continued to cry then one day I had to leave and had no choice to leave him and from then he was okay)
2. Do we ignore him when he cries barks howls and wait it out to see if he stops or will this scare him?
3. Do we try with the door open and a baby gate in the hall (so he cannot stand by the main door for when we come in etc)
When we enter back into the room he’s pretty excited but within seconds is over it and goes to play with his toys or lies in bed.

Any advice would be fantastic. It’s been rather frustrating as I’ve done this all before and now feel like I’m at stage one again, I do understand it is a huge change for him and don’t blame him at all, we just don’t want him howling when he’s left, we just want him to be just as confident as he was!

Thank you so much in advance for all support! Also to add, we think may be rushing things and it’s best to build up his security in the house first but think we’re just anxious about getting called back to work! We are trying today to start using the Flitting game

Offline bizzylizzy

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Re: Need some help and support :)
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2020, 06:55:18 PM »
Hi again!
I think your point 1. is the clue.  :shades: .I‘m wondering if you‘re worrying too much and Chester‘s actually picking up on that and that‘s making him more insecure? You say when you had no choice but to leave him,  he was ok and to be honest I think he might well be now. I suspect that even when you‘ve pretended to leave the house, he probably knows you‘re still there, they‘re very astute little wotsits!
My advice would be to try and just carry on as usual now as if you were still in your old home. Pop in and out of the house, for various lengths of time, even a few minutes and just completely ignore him when you go out, as if you would if you were just going into another room. Avoid any sort of goodbyes - we all have a tendency to feel guilty about going out when we know we‘re going to be gone for a few hours (me included!) but all the „be a good boy, I won‘t be long“‘s   just tend to reinforce the fact that something‘s up and makes things worse.
I watched a video recently where it was suggested keeping one particular favourite toy for when you leave the house which the dog never has when you’re there! The idea is to entice him with it - not teasing but just to make it mega interesting but then give it to him when you go out. The idea is that he associates you leaving with something really good and that he ONLY gets when you‘re not around. I‘ve never had to do it  ;), but the thought behind it sounds logical, it might be worth a try.
I‘m sure Chester will be fine, he‘s probably just picked up on the stress of the move and also your anxiety, try and keep to a routine as far as possible and carry on as normal and he‘ll settle back down. Best of luck! Let us kniw how it goes!



Offline rubyduby

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Re: Need some help and support :)
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2020, 07:45:03 PM »
Have to say 4-6 hours seems a long time to leave any dog

Offline hihelloitsnina

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Re: Need some help and support :)
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2020, 03:56:08 PM »
Hi again!
I think your point 1. is the clue.  :shades: .I‘m wondering if you‘re worrying too much and Chester‘s actually picking up on that and that‘s making him more insecure? You say when you had no choice but to leave him,  he was ok and to be honest I think he might well be now. I suspect that even when you‘ve pretended to leave the house, he probably knows you‘re still there, they‘re very astute little wotsits!
My advice would be to try and just carry on as usual now as if you were still in your old home. Pop in and out of the house, for various lengths of time, even a few minutes and just completely ignore him when you go out, as if you would if you were just going into another room. Avoid any sort of goodbyes - we all have a tendency to feel guilty about going out when we know we‘re going to be gone for a few hours (me included!) but all the „be a good boy, I won‘t be long“‘s   just tend to reinforce the fact that something‘s up and makes things worse.
I watched a video recently where it was suggested keeping one particular favourite toy for when you leave the house which the dog never has when you’re there! The idea is to entice him with it - not teasing but just to make it mega interesting but then give it to him when you go out. The idea is that he associates you leaving with something really good and that he ONLY gets when you‘re not around. I‘ve never had to do it  ;), but the thought behind it sounds logical, it might be worth a try.
I‘m sure Chester will be fine, he‘s probably just picked up on the stress of the move and also your anxiety, try and keep to a routine as far as possible and carry on as normal and he‘ll settle back down. Best of luck! Let us kniw how it goes!

Thank you so much!! We are still having some issue. I’m not sure if you had any experience or any advice - is it best to ignore when crying and howling?! He’s still just crying and howling when we’ve been testing leaving and it’s bizarre cause he’s just never done this before! We are not sure if lockdown has played a big part of this and cause my partner has been! Think we are just going to bite the bullet and go out for a while on Sunday and just hope he settles!!

Offline bizzylizzy

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Re: Need some help and support :)
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2020, 08:40:57 PM »
Hi again! Its a hard one really, I certainly wouldn’t suggest leaving him to howl and cry for ages as I don‘t think, if he genuinely is distressed, it would solve anything, might even make things worse. However, - it might be that he does settle as soon as you‘ve left, - is there anyway you could set up something to record if he‘s making a noise? Perhaps borrow a baby phone ?( There are special video systems available I believe, although I‘ve no idea what they cost).
If you find he‘s settling down pretty quickly, then I‘d tend to say just leave him and see if there’s any improvement but otherwise it might be advisable to ask a good trainer or behaviourist. Does he get a lot of attention from your partner? Just wondered if he gets used to being „ignored“ for longer periods while you’re home, it might not be such a dramatic difference for him when you’re not there.....just a thought :huh:
A friend of mine has said her dog has become very clingy since she‘s been working from home, so it could very well be that‘s the cause.
Don’t know if that‘s any help, but I do hope you can solve it.....best of luck!