Conflicting signals....

[Karma]

This is something that's been niggling at me for some time - it's nothing terribly serious, but I just thought I would see what other people think...

Honey has never been a very "huggy" dog... and we've always respected that.  When she is pleased to see us, she likes a good fuss, and will jump up to stand on us for fuss and kisses... but for relaxing she very much prefers her own space...
She will sometimes lie near us and tolerate a little fuss, but will normally give up and find a quieter spot if we push it!!!   

So we try to limit any fuss to just a couple of strokes, then leave her in peace... however a lot of the time she will "demand" we continue... tapping her foot, pushing her nose into us and generally making herself known until we fuss her - but she never looks like she is enjoying this fuss...    Likewise there are times she absolutely adores a tummy rub... but other times she will ask for a tummy rub but really not enjoy it (it's not just submission, as if we give a little rub and leave her be, she will again begin the whole demanding we continue - it's the same little noises we get if she wants to play, or feels we haven't given her her share of the pizza crust  and she will kick out her legs at us etc).

Now while I would love to be able to fuss her all the time, and enjoy the cuddles she allows us to have, it is more important to me that she is happy with the level of attention she gets, so I don't understand why she demands attention she is unhappy with, or what we can do to convince her she doesn't need to do this... 


She really is a complex little animal!! 

[milly]

That's a difficult one, my dogs have either been independant to the point of happily accepting strokes/cuddles if offerred but not particuarly seeking them, or in the case of Paddy OH ends up wearing him all night as he wraps himself around him (encouraged by OH of course).

When she pushes you further for strokes or tummy rubs and she looks like she's not enjoying it, maybe thats just her personality and the nature of her expressions, if she wasn't truely enjoying it I don't think she'd push you for more.

I imagine we can all think of someone who looks miserable yet is happy/miserable if that makes sense, i.e. they don't go around grinning but are content with themselves never the less.

Sounds like one for Mark to answer.

[Top Barks]

Any attention can be better than no attention, even if it is not that pleasurable.
Remember that some peoples ideas of punishment can even be reinforcing to the dog although it maybe is not that pleasant.
The fact that honey solicits your attention must mean there is some part of it that is reinforcing for her, even if she doesn't enjoy it as much as you'd like.
Mark

[Karma]

Yeah, it makes sense... it's just she pushes it soo much that she then gives up and goes somewhere else...
As I say, it's not a major issue - just part and parcel of trying to understand what makes my little girl tick!! 

I really enjoy understanding more and more about dogs - while I enjoyed our dogs as I grew up, there were so straightforward that it really was just about having a fluffy companion about... I think I have far more of a bond with Honey simply because she is so complex and intelligent - it really inspires me to learn more and try to get a better understanding!!

[Top Barks]

you don't do so bad!

[Karma]

you don't do so bad!

Thank you! 

But it always pays to try and do better - am booked on a T-Touch workshop next month, so hopefully I can use some of the techniques I learn there to help Honey enjoy our attention in a more positive way! 

[clairep4]

I think it's great that you can read her signals of being uncomfortable with being petted at certain times    She's a lucky girl, I come across plenty of clients who have no idea that their dogs are uncomfortable with certain things and just keep going.

I find often with TTouch bodywork you can find out very quickly which areas are more acceptable for the animal - in a different way than just stroking them, because often with stroking they will kind of put up with it out of habit, but TTouch is more like having a conversation with them as you listen and respond to their subtle little signals.

So to find out what areas she's happy (or not) with, what you could try is using the back of your hand/fingers, make a very light circular touch (you should be moving the skin rather than just going over the fur). Just do one circle and then move your hand to a different place (can be an inch away, so you can work in lines down her body, or you can just be random about it).

Watch for the following possible signals that she's not comfortable:

- closing her mouth (if it was open)
- holding her breath
- stopping and looking at you
- turning away from you or turning to face you (depending on her starting position)
- sitting down (if she was standing)
- if her eyes were nice and soft (with semi-closed eyelids) and she suddenly opens them

All those little signals are her talking to you and you can fairly quickly work out a kind of map of where she does or doesn't like to be touched (obviously move away from those areas when she tells you). You could then focus on petting her in the bits she does like (or if you wanted to work in a TTouch way you could pet the good bits but occasionally dip into the trouble spots - a quick stroke there then move back to an area she "likes").

Take lots of little breaks while you're doing this little discovery adventure with her, so that she knows you're not going to relentlessly keep fondling her  although tbh it sounds like you're already doing that really well already