A year ago today was one of the worst days of my life.
Toffee wasn't actually my dog, she lived next door, but I looked after her every day whilst Barbara, her mum, was at work and she came out with me and Ellie at weekends, so I was always known as her second mum and I couldn't have loved her more if she had been mine.
Toffee was a rescue dog. For 6 months she was tied up and kicked every time she made a sound. Consequently she very rarely ever barked. When she came to Barbara she was completely shut down and terrified. With time and patience she developed into the most loving and gentle cocker spaniel you could wish for. but when you looked into her eyes you could see that she would never completely forget her past.
I had been on holiday to Devon for a week and when I got back Barbara told me that Toffee had not been well. She had been sick and there was blood in it, Barbara had taken her to the vet and she was being treated for a stomach upset. She was quite lethargic but one of the side effects of the tablets was lethargy so we were not too worried. She managed to greet me with a very waggy tail though.
The next day Barbara was working but text me very early to say that she was worried about Toffee and would I go and see her to see what I thought. When I went in she was very lethargic, she came to me but when she sat down she could not stop her front legs from sliding down and her gums were very pale. I rang Barbara to say I was worried and then I rang the vet and rushed her there.
The vet could see she was much worse and referred us immediately to the nearby veterinary hospital. It only took 20 minutes for us to get there but when I lifted Toffee out of the car she completely flopped against me, she had no strength in any of her body. I thought I had lost her then.
They took her from me immediately and came back to tell me that her red blood cell count was only 12 and they suspected Autoimmune Haemolytic Anaemia. My heart sank, I had read about cockers on the forum having this and knew it was serious. Her mum was sent for and by the time she arrived Toffee's red blood cell count was down to 9 and further tests had shown that she also had a form of leukaemia. She was so so poorly. They brought Toffee to us and she managed to lift her head and wag her tail before she was helped to the Bridge. She would have been 7 years old the following week.
When I rushed Toffee to the vets that morning I had never for one moment thought that she would not be coming home again. I thought that the worst thing that could happen was that she would be kept in for tests.
I wasn't able to post about Toffee on the forum when this happened, the pain was too great to even write about it. A year on pain is still searing through me to relive it. I loved that little dog so much and it was just so unfair, she had been through so much cruelty in her little life and now that she was so happy her life had been taken from her far far too early.
I hope you are having fun at the Bridge Toffee. You are all well again now and I am sure that there are endless puddles for you to jump into, lovely soft grass to roll in, lots of friends will have been made and there will be lots of gravy bones and marrowbone biscuits to eat. Look after your big sister Honey and my Sophie for us. One day we will all be together again and we will have the biggest cuddle ever.
Your mum and me love and miss you so much.
