CockersOnline Forum
Cocker Specific Discussion => Behaviour & Training => Topic started by: Leo0106 on September 10, 2017, 02:32:38 PM
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Hi all again,
I posted recently about my delightful (cough) adolescent pup Leo who has just hit 10 months.
Firstly I must say I am so grateful for the support I recieved and am feeling so much more positive and we are making tiny bits of progress every day.
It suddenly dawned on me today that Leo is about to have a BIG change in his life. His beloved daddy will be going away with the military at the end of October for 4months.
I'm hoping to maybe have a little bit of support from this group so that I can be as prepared as possible.
So a bit of background, Leo loves daddy, and that sort of sums it up. Daddy goes to work at 7 and comes home at 5, when he's out he OK, but he knows exactly when he is due home and starts pacing and finding toys to greet him with.
When daddy leaves the room he whines and cries until he returns, daddy doesn't give him any attention if he has cried but Leo doesn't care, as long as daddy's back in the same room.
Leo does push his luck with daddy but daddy is just as consistent with me, he is seen as a bit of a playmate I feel! (I'm the strict and boring one who's home all the time!)
So anyway, the questions I have:
1. Is there ANY way to prepare him for losing his dad for that long? You can't exactly explain where he has gone and that he will be back. Do I start to try and distance daddy from Leo by taking on roles that daddy would usually complete? Or do I let them enjoy each other as much as possible before he goes?
2. When daddy returns in march, do I change anything? Let daddy continue where we left off or take charge and let daddy settle back in slowly?
3. He's going away over winter, currently I walk Leo in an area that I wouldn't feel comfortable walking in the dark, do you think having to change Leo to more road walks round the block will be a huge issue? Or shall I man up and take a panic alarm with me and do the usual walks?!
4. I work from home,never ever had issues with leaving Leo at home to go out and he will be left for 4hours no problems. The first few weeks daddy is gone do you reckon I should carry on as normal and leave him if I need to or shall I plan my diary to ensure I am at home fully for a few weeks so he knows I'm not going to leave him as well?!!
I know it sounds as though I may be being protective but I observe Leo with his dad and the love he has for him is huge ! I can't help but think he is going to struggle and want to deal with it in the best way possible!
If any other military partners have any experience of this I would love to hear from you!
And again any advice is greatly appreciated.
Many thanks
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We have never made " arrangements" for changes in home life. doggy loves you just as much as daddy and he will adapt to just having you. Our Gemma loves her dad even though dad is strict but she has never pined for him when he is not at home. The one thing I will say is do not walk where you are uncomfortable. Find another route. We used to have a nice secluded lane but " what if" was my constant companion. you spend to much time thinking the worst so dog walking becomes no longer enjoyable and a chore.
Chill out and make the most of your time together while your partner is there. you and Leo will survive. ;)
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Thank you MIN! Very reassuring. I hope he won't pine, it worries me that I can roam the house and Leo won't bat an eyelid but my OH can nip to the toilet and Leo acts as if the world is ending! Haha
My main concern is that he will develop separation anxiety, although he won't be left any longer than he ever has before as I always get the dog walker in if I'm gone longer than 4hours.
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Totally agree with Min! I wouldn't worry too much about separation anxiety but I would try and keep your departures and arrivals pretty low key. If you make too much fuss reassuring him when you leave, he'll suspect there's maybe something to "worry about". I'd advise just carrying on as normal, if you try to overcompensate for the fact that Dad's not there, he'll soon cotton on and you might well find you'll develop a problem.
Best of luck and remember we're all here if you need to let off steam while hubby's away! Make rhe most of Leo while you have him to yourself, no doubt once Dad returns, you'll be totally invisable again!! :005:
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Well I can't really answer your question, Ollie is 9 and was always use to us both being at home either one or the other, when I worked he was never left a whole days as MIL came the two days I worked full days for a couple hours, Ollie has never been in kennels as MIL comes to ours or he come with us in UK. He is very much mine - but loves his Dad too.
About 5 years ago OH started to travel each week and can be away 2 or 4 nights each week. Ollie takes it in his stride and I am sure Leo will. Firstly his Dad's things will still be all around and he will probably decide he is going to take extra care of Mum.
Finally and I swear this is true, Ollie knows when the phone rings in the evening that it is his Dad....and yes the phone is but to his ear and he does his cocker wobble tilts his head and then blonks himself down while I have my chat.
I think your little man might just do a bit of wandering around and sitting by the door - but he will soon settle and I will be waiting for your posts, as I am sure it wont be long before he realises that Dad is on the other end of the phone or on skype.
We are here for you so any wobbles and you can come here.
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Thank you guys! Means a lot to have people who are happy for me to unload on if needs be!! I currently live 100miles away from my support network due to moving for OH's work! And the typical response to me having an issue with Leo from my family is 'oh he's a baby! He'll grow out of it!'
I've always made sure 'goodbyes' are not exaggerated so he is used to this and currently he is ignored when we arrive home until he sits off of his own accord. Then he is greeted.
I have the vision that my weekly contact with partner will be Leo sat in front of the web cam hahaha
I think I had a panic today because Leo didn't see my partner this morning before we went for a walk, other half was being lazy and still in bed when I returned and Leo sat at the bottom of the stairs for half hour haha.
Thanks so much again all
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All great advice given. Just let us know where you are in the UK and go on plenty of COL meets x
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Where is best to find the COL meets? I know there is a thread on here but didn't know if there was a Facebook page too? I live in Peterborough in cambs
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Where is best to find the COL meets? I know there is a thread on here but didn't know if there was a Facebook page too? I live in Peterborough in cambs
I am from Peterborough. Left this year to live in Wales.
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It's great that you are thinking ahead and I'm sure it will be fine. As others have said, probably best to keep things as normal as can be. My other half works away (not as long as 4 months) but can be away for a week at a time. This morning the OH left and Oscar was the the bottom of the stairs (6am)! Whimpering as he saw OH putting his bags in the car. He then comes up to the bedroom as I was still sleeping and has a little cry (it's actually little sad to hear him cry). Then it's breakfast time and he forget and is fine again.
I don't generally tend to FaceTime OH with the dog as he tends to get a little sad/ start sulking! Then if we start to play or food is involved he seems to forget he was upset and carry on.
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Thankyou James+Carly. Leo is not too bad when daddy leaves in the morning, he doesn't like it but he knows that when he leaves, he's about to go out for a walk with me so he recovers quickly.
We got OH's flights through yesterday and he will be leaving for his flight at 10pm, meaning I'll take him at 9ish, Leo's normally settled and in bed by then so my plan is for both of us to say good night as we usually would and then I will try and act as normal in the morning... Maybe some longer walks to keep him distracted the first day?! I think the first battle will be when he usually comes home from work, Leo always starts searching around for a toy to greet him with about 5 mins before he turns up on the driveway!!
I'm not sure if we will be able to facetime when he's out there as it's quite remote so this may be a god send as I do feel he may get confused hearing him etc... But I also don't want him to forget him!
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Where is best to find the COL meets? I know there is a thread on here but didn't know if there was a Facebook page too? I live in Peterborough in cambs
The meets are not formally arranged. It is just down to members to set them up if they want to.
So, if you want to try and arrange one in your area, you just post in the meet up section and see what happens ;)
Good luck. I hope Leo adapts well when your OH goes away. Maybe try some new activities with him and vary his routine from what it is now if you can, might distract him from what he normally expects. And, don't worry, he is not likely to forget him in 4 months ;)
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Thankyou joules, I'll certainly try seeing if any is local for a meet!
Yes I think I will mix and match his routine a bit.... Distraction may be the best technique initially!!
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If you do organise a meet, let me know as I live Letchworth, which isn't too far from Cambridge ☺️
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Ah that's great to kno, hopefully we could plan for somewhere half way between us both!
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Yes that sounds like a great idea! Although even though Oscar is nearly 2, we still keep him on a long line in the park/fields as his recall and 'park etiquette' isn't the best (the little monkey) >:D
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Ah that's very reassuring haha as we tend to keep Leo on a long line when he's somewhere new aswell, recall is good but his manners with other dogs are not quite there either haha
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Hi all,
So daddy's been gone for a week now. All was going beautifully, Leo was a little unsure of himself and wanted lots of cuddles for a few days. He also runs to the door and cries everytime he hears someone outside but other than that it was all going well..
He has daddy's t-shirts in his bed which he is carrying everywhere.
The clocks have changed and I'm not sure if it's the time changing or a delayed reaction but today and yesterday he seems to be struggling. He's been crying at 4am (has never woken us up in 10 months of having him)
He is CONSTANTLY attached to me.. won't leave my side.
But more worryingly he actually looks a little stressed. His eyes look different and slightly red and tonight he's going to the front door at every single sound.
Any ideas? It breaks my heart a little and as I'm still adjusting to it myself I'm worried that I will react wrong
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the clocks changing upsets my dogs routine. its a pity we can not adjust their body clocks. I do not think the longer nights help either.
I wonder if you add your teeshirts to " dads" pile and then sneakily take dads away from him. Do not worry about him forgetting his dad because he wont .
it has only been 1 week (although i should think its feels longer) so still early days to readjust bless him
Just had a thought while reading your winter coat post. there is a item called a Thunder Shirt. they help with anxiety. there was a post on facebook about you making one out of a bandage. wondered if you could do similar with dads teeshirt .
Also look up Adaptal collars and plug ins.
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Hi MIN many thanks for your post. I do worry that he will forget him Haha!
Great shout with the thunder shirt, we actually have one already.. didn't think to use it but might try for the next few days to see if it chills him out
Many thanks