Author Topic: End of my tether......advice please....  (Read 5083 times)

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Offline elaine.e

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #30 on: October 15, 2009, 09:57:36 AM »
Loads of good advice already, so this is more of a hug and reassurance from me that it will get better. There is no rule that says you must love your puppy whole heartedly right from the word go! There's no rule that says you're a bad person if you have doubts and feel exhausted and frustrated!

Puppies aren't even just hard work. They're life changing, needy, time consuming little horrors a lot of the time and it's very hard to see beyond that and very easy to have loads of self doubt and to beat yourself up endlessly.

I know, because I'm just beginning to come through that stage with 18 week old Louis. He isn't a biter, so I know I've been very lucky in that respect, but he's like a little hurricane in the house and garden, was difficult at night for the first several weeks, still isn't great with house training and is endlessly and remorselessly in my face and under my feet apart from when he's asleep. Added to that, my 5 year old Cocker Spaniel, William, doesn't like Louis and ignores him, so hasn't been much help in keeping the little g*t occupied  :005:

It's taken me until now, so about 10 weeks, to start bonding with Louis and loving him, as opposed to just looking after him. He's suddenly started turning into a responsive little chap, who (sometimes) is on the same planet as the rest of us and wants to fit into the household instead of living in his own little Louis world.

Keep talking on here, because there's so much support and good advice that will help you through  :luv:


Offline supergirl

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #31 on: October 15, 2009, 10:33:08 AM »
As everyone has said - it does get better.  There were times when I didn't like Roly very much, especially when he was intent on depriving me of sleep.  That combined with lots of work deadlines, made me a very unhappy bunny.  Roly would settle at night beautifully, but was a very early riser - anything from 3am onwards.  After a few weeks and being so tired that I could hardly think rationally, a very good friend said that she would have both dogs overnight  (she has outdoor kennels, so Roly howling at 3am wasn't going to disturb her at all).  After a  good nights sleep and catching up on the work that I needed to complete I was a different person - and so happy to see my babies the next day.

So don't be afraid to take some "time out" from the puppy. Thankfully we got his sleeping sorted out a few weeks after that, but not before having a few more odd nights at his Auntie T's.  It also had the advantage of getting him used to/socialised to kennels for short periods of time.  Many people don't think about this until they're actually going away, and it might be an opportunity for him to spend a morning at day care or at a friends, or even a couple of hours at kennels.

We all function better when we're not running ourselves ragged, and a calmer you will be better for your pup in the long run.

Believe me it will get better :D
Misha, Ellie, Roly, Lexi (& Karen)

People who have dogs live longer - it's all the extra love

Offline hedgehog

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #32 on: October 15, 2009, 10:34:11 AM »
So sorry you are finding things difficult, I have had two puppies in the last two years one rottie one cocker, the rottie was much easier than mr Woody the cocker, every time your pup nips you let out a high pitched loud yelp, that is what his dam would have done, also a stuffed kong is a must, we used value pate mixed with puppy kibble also when teething put the stuffed kong into a plastic bag and freeze. Please beleive me it does get better and use a crate to give pup some time out with a stuffed kong, you can serve all of his food rasions like this. Good luck



Offline *Theresa*

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #33 on: October 15, 2009, 11:06:24 AM »
Can't help much but did want to say that fortunately Glen was not that bad for biting etc but he was bad enough at times to have been told on more than one occasion he was going back...one memorable occasion I phoned my OH to tell him I had had enough and tonight the blasted dag was out as I couldn't cope anymore...he just agreed and made all the right noises...not 20 minutes later I phoned him back to ask if we could keep him as we were friends again now....my OH's response 'shocker, I never saw that coming' sarcastic beast.

Glen is now 3 and those days are long behind us and thankfully he has not been threatened with being returned for over 2 years now so life must be better  ;)
Theresa, Dave, Glen and Sally (or their aliases Gwendoline and Scallywag)


Offline buttercup

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #34 on: October 15, 2009, 11:15:10 AM »
You are all totally amazing :clapping: thank you everybody who has posted - the reassurance from you all that our situation is not unheard of and isn't just because I am doing everything totally wrong has been the biggest boost.

Nothing has changed in terms of "jaws the mangler" except how I feel this morning. I have seen tips that I will use....already liking the always keeping a toy between me and Ollie....had made the foolish mistakes previously of throwing the toy as a distraction only to find that he would run away for a second and return with a new lease of life to attack!!
I am definitely going to re-read Gwen Bailey and haven't read any Jean Donaldson so going onto Amazon next. 

I think it will probably help when we can get out to puppy classes and hopefully meet so other people who are maybe in the same boat.  Everyone I have spoken to face to face so far is amazed at how nippy he is and amazed that the yelp method doesn't work and were kind of indicating I was either being really weak and he was trying to assert hemiself over me or that he was wrong in some way.....none of them have Cockers though!

This forum is amazing....it has picked me back up since yesterday....can't believe how awful I felt......it really is like adjusting to a new baby.  I have come through that 3 times so there must be hope that I can crack this too.  I am trying to work out putting on pics.... :huh: and have been reading the instructions....as you will see when I finally get one on here....here is truly gorgeous to look at....just as well!

Will carry on reading all the posts on here - thank god I found this forum....a real lifesaver!  :003:

Offline bluegirl

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #35 on: October 15, 2009, 11:53:56 AM »
If you liken having a pup to a new baby, especially your first baby then you will probably look back and think you really wanted the baby but when it came you felt out of your depth and couldn't wait to get some phases over with because you felt like a bad mother and a stressed wreck. Baby number two comes along and you've mellowed, you know what you're doing more and your not so tense anymore, you'll let things ride and seem to enjoy the experience more this time, third baby and you're a pro. If you use your knowledge with babies and realise that you will get through every stage some will be harder than others but you don't actually have a devil you will enjoy the experience much more.
Pups need attention, they need direction, they need stimulation and they need security, all the things little ones require. with your new found knowledge you can make this a more pleasurable experience. I love the puppy stage, and yes it can be a nightmare but I know in 2 mths time from bringing them home those little needle sharp teeth will be dropping out and by 6 mths time my "baby" may be come a big girl and by 12 mths with all the hard work put in I may well start to see a much more settled dog(external optimism). So again not that much different from raising children its the first 12 mths that are the hardest, but unlike children you'll be looking at an "adult" at 12 mths whos toilet trained, can be left, and is independent.
Hope you try all the tips people have given you and you'll learn to love your pup, lots of great dog owners start off like you, but you do have the strength to get through it.

Good luck. :D
Karen, Penny, Logan, Phoebe and Bronte.


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I was going to take over the world but got distracted by something sparkly.

Offline Clover

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #36 on: October 15, 2009, 11:59:33 AM »
Glad you're feeling more upbeat today. It does help to share your troubles and in that process you find lots of us have had the same sort of times.  You must master the pictures, they are essential  :005: 

I'm getting the picture that he is going to look so cute and cuddly that he can't possibly drive his mum to distraction  :005:

Sarah


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Offline Ninasmum

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #37 on: October 15, 2009, 12:06:12 PM »
So pleased you sound so much more positive and happier today.  :D 

Personally, i love the puppy stage, all the chaos and nortiness  :005:  Its so rewarding to watch them grow and develop their personalities.  :luv:


Nina, Jo Jo, Georgia & Alfie

Offline ElaineH

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #38 on: October 15, 2009, 12:28:09 PM »
So pleased to see that you're a bit more upbeat today. It really is amazing how they suddenly change and leave the horrid puppy behaviour behind, although I'm not denying it can be sooooo frustrating and (seems to ) last forever.

Morgan was a nightmare about nipping and the yelp response from us just made him even more excited. OH got a lot of the attacks, scratches too, I managed to avoid the worst because I think my timing is better and I could side-step out of his attack area just at the right time  ;) Morgan had a thing about sleeves so I had mine rolled up or wore short sleeves, OH didn't and then complained that Morgan had ripped yet another sweater  ::) ::) (mind you, they were all only fit for the bin anyway before the puppy arrived  :lol2: ) Time Out in the kitchen behind the gate saved our sanity. It seemed harsh, to put our puppy away from us but he really didn't like it at all and eventually he started putting 2 and 2 together!

It's difficult to keep your sense of perspective, especially if your nights are disturbed, but hang on in there, we're all there with you!
"Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends"  Alexander Pope

Offline laurenollie

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #39 on: October 15, 2009, 12:42:10 PM »
I've not read all the replies on this but I'm sure they are all along the same lines!!!

When we got our Ollie all i could say in the first 2 weeks was 'i'm goning to send him back to the kennel!' I hated every minute and as he was our first dog was not expecting how hard work it was!!

But now i could not imagine life without him.

Ollie was a bit if biter still mouths sometimes when we play. we used the toy to distract and if that didn't work he got put in his cage to be ignored and have some time. he's only 10 weeks so a baby so it will take time to sink in! Just take 10 deep breaths and try to carry on and then post on here!!

L&O x

Offline Sheryl

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #40 on: October 15, 2009, 12:45:40 PM »
I know how you feel   There were days (if I wasn't such a good, kind and patient Mum ph34r) that I could happily have launched Lyla into outer space and given her a packed lunch and a hearty wave goodbye!!  In fact there still are days like that!!  I think it becomes like a see saw with some pups so just hang in there until it tips into the good side.
Sheryl, Holly, Kali, Baby Lyla and Angel Chloe

Offline johndoran

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #41 on: October 15, 2009, 02:20:25 PM »
Bonnie Boo was our first dog and nothing and nobody could have prepared us for the whirlwind that just came and dominated our days and nights. My OH really was at the end of her tether. what we couldn't see at the time was that she was only a baby and  we should have been a bit less uptight about things.I really wish I had found COL before having Bonnie she was over the initial puppy stage when I discovered this forum. It has helped me tremendously through all the teenage years and offered advice on a range of things i new nothing about. So hang on in there it will def' get better
Bonnie Boo -A heartbeat at my feet

Offline JennyBee

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #42 on: October 15, 2009, 02:40:59 PM »
what we couldn't see at the time was that she was only a baby and  we should have been a bit less uptight about things.

I agree with this.  One of the things that stressed me was that all the puppy books I read didn't mention this wonderful part of puppyhood and all seemed to show rather relaxed puppies being little :angel:. Once I learned that what I was going through was normal (I must have read that Ian Dunbar article at the top of the puppy board about 50 times :005:) I began to relax and that's when things started to change for the better. It also helped to realise that the mouthing was an incredibly essential stage that would benefit us greatly when she was older :blink:.

I am glad you are feeling better today Buttercup, looking forward to seeing photos of your little pup - posting them seems quite complicated at first but once you get the hang of it it's really easy :D

                              x In memory of Barney x

Offline williamsmum

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #43 on: October 15, 2009, 02:47:16 PM »
Glad to hear you're feeling so much more positive today. I was just on a German Shepherd website, reminiscing about my old dog, Max, who is no longer with us. Looking back, he was so AWFUL.. he went back to the breeder twice because I couldn't cope, but luckily she had the sense to realise I would be back! He turned out to be the most wonderful dog I have ever owned. It doesn't happen overnight, but it WILL happen. Good luck!

Offline JaspersMum

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Re: End of my tether......advice please....
« Reply #44 on: October 15, 2009, 03:52:41 PM »
Of my four, Jasper is the most laid back person loving dog you could imagine.....

You can't even guess what he must of been like at just a few months old - he was re-homed twice by the time we got him at 9 months old.

It does get better  ;)

Jenny - owned by Jasper, Ellie, Heidi, Louie & Charlie