CockersOnline Forum
Cocker Specific Discussion => Rescue Cockers => Topic started by: Annette on February 22, 2006, 04:58:08 PM
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Well, after much indecision, we have arranged for Salty to come for a trial visit tomorrow. She is a 3yr old, black bitch currently in rescue because her elderly owners could no longer look after her due to health problems.
She is in Wales, but her carer is travelling past our house tomorrow, so we thought it would be a good opportunity for her to drop her off here in the morning, and collect her on the way back in the evening. She would also be able to home check us at the same time (if we fail, then I guess she will take her to London for the day! :laugh:
Still have many reservations but feel generally more positive about it all now. It's the responsibility of it all that worries me, guess you suspected that from my previous cry for help!
The great thing is that they are willing for us to take her on a 2 week trial basis rather than a full comitment at this stage. I would still feel awful about sending the poor girl back, but I am assured that it will be better for her to get all her disappointments out of the way in a short space of time, rather than us plodding on with an unworkable situation, then admitting defeat six months down the line.
So....do think of us tomorrow. Steve and I are both around tomorrow so we won't need to leave them alone together at all while I do the school runs. And I plan to take them both out for a lovely long walk before lunchtime. It will be a bit later than usual for Buddy, but I don't think I'll have time to do him before they arrive. I will obviously have to keep Salty on lead. Do you think it is better to keep Buddy on or off lead in that case? He can get a bit "barky" on lead, but I don't want to upset her by allowing him to run free while she can't. I don't have a long line so can't even use that.
I'm excited and scared all at once. Guess I'll know much better by tomorrow evening. Could be fun with her bed guarding, food guarding and now lead guarding too! Mmmm! :laugh:
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Wow! How exciting! Good luck! I'll keep my fingers crossed (and Henry's paws!!) that everything goes well!
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The very best of luck to you all Annette :blink: I'm looking forward to hearing how you all got on tomorrow night :P ^_^
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Good luck Annette and Steve - fingers crossed it all works out for you. :blink:
Personally I'd let Buddy off-lead as usual, you can always stick the lead back on him if things are proving problematic.
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WoW!!!!! The very best of luck for tomorrow, I will be thinking of you and I can't wait to hear how it goes! I hope it is a cocker match made in heaven!!!
:luv:
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Good luck, hope it works out and that they both get along ;)
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I always meet up with fosters on neutral territory and usually these days it tends to be in my backyard. I tend to get the other dog into the yard on a lead on their own then just let my two out into yard. What happens with my two is that they prefer to go see the person holding the lead so they can then let said dog offlead and their dog usually goes for a wander while my two snog the person who brought the dog (ask ajs, AnnieG, and MaryP). I found meetings in the house 1st off were a disaster as they would clash in the hallway and get off to a bad start (my two are a bit gobby if you come into the house which can upset some dogs). Once dogs seem Ok I then let them all go in the house at their own pace and sniff around.
In the early days I used to do meetups on the park (which is at the bottom of the street anyway) but often we were pushed for time so the yard seems to do the trick.
Harsh as this may seem but will say it anyway don't overfuss new dog or try to compensate with your dog by giving him extra cuddles.
Also be aware that dogs going into a new house go through a honeymoon period which is why I start off with NILIF straightaway just so they all know where they stand (it can pre-empt any potential problems).
I'd also let buddy off the lead as well, I always do with my two when a new foster comes.
Relax. Nothing in life is perfect!
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Thanks for the advice. I'm not tooooooo worried, really :-\
Penny, I think you know who I'm talking about when I say that the carer is in a bit of a hurry tomorrow, so do you think I should suggest we go round to the field at the off street side of our house for the first meeting? It's just outside our front fence (the house is back to front - all very confusing!)
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Have only just seen this, FAB news, I hope things so well xxxxx
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Hope it goes well. Keep us posted!!
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Aww Annette ...I reeeally hope things go well for you tommorrow ;) ...you are going to make great second cocker parents ^_^...fingers crossed here for you :-*
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Hope it all goes well :laugh:
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All the best of luck today
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Wishing you all th very best. Bet you're really excited right now. I'd be bag of nerves!
Looking forward to hearing how it goes.
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oooh how exciting - good luck, let us know how it goes ASAP !!!!
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She's not here yet! I'm pacing, and so is Buddy who is longing for his walk. She could arrive any time so I can't get him out now. Guess I could do a bit of training with him.....or just look through COL to my heart's content!
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good luck for today
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Good luck from me too ;)
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oooh good luck!
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Good luck annette, i hope it all goes well for you. ^_^
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Good luck - let us know how you all got on :D
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Well, she's here and she's a lovely little dog. Very friendly amd sweet.
But Buddy is a bit too much for her so far. I took them for a walk and they ignored each other but she does trot up to other dogs and people happily.
Now we are back, she has been fed (that was quite an experience!!!) and Buddy went full-on again so that she was yelping in fear (just play barking and other young cocker stuff, but too much for the quiet lady). I tried to sit on the sofa but Buddy got jealous of Salty coming up too. Hard to do NILIF as she has little idea really.
Now they are pacing around. Both tired enough to sleep but neither happy tp settle. I'm just off to school run so will leave Steve in charge.
We have her til 8ish I think. Will let you know how the rest of the day goes!
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Well, she's here and she's a lovely little dog. Very friendly amd sweet.
But Buddy is a bit too much for her so far. I took them for a walk and they ignored each other but she does trot up to other dogs and people happily.
Now we are back, she has been fed (that was quite and experience!!!) and Buddy went full-on again so that she was yelping in fear (just play barking and other young cocker stuff, but too much for the quiet lady). I tried to sit on the sofa but Buddy got jealous of Salty coming up too. Hard to do NILIF as she has little idea really.
Now they are pacing around. Both tired enough to sleep but neither happy tp settle. I'm just off to school run so will leave Steve in charge.
We have her til 8ish I think. Will let you know how the rest of the day goes!
So far so good. Its early days yet and I get dogs who won't settle like this the 1st day so don't worry.
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It's bound to be odd at first - for them both let alone you. Try to relax and enjoy it.
Well done!!
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Well, we are back from the school run, and Steve says he had to come downstairs as it sounded like world war 3 starting up. He had just managed to get them both to sleep either side of him on the sofa when we came in so they are up and pacing again.
We tried to make a bit of a fuss of both of them, and it went well for a few minutes, but Salty started to get very agitated. Panting, breathing heavily etc. I wonder whether making any kind of fuss of them is a bit like trying to comfort a dog during fireworks, in that it just makes them think they have something to worry about. So now we are all trying to go about our business as usual. Buddy is asleep on the sofa, Salty is sitting at my feet, but not yet asleep.
Good news is that she seems to like Ben so far, but of course any time she goes to meet him, the Bud gets jealous.
Perhaps we are discovering that Bud wants to stay an only dog? Or perhaps if she would play he'd be ok? Apparently she has been playing with two dogs at the rescue, but has been terrified by 5 terriers! I guess Bud is behaving more like a terrier than she would like.
I have tried to lure her into a sit, but she is a bit stubborn and once she realised the treat was conditional she just walked away!!! Not that she needs any treats really, she looks like a coffee table at the moment, poor love.
I'll keep you informed of any progress! Not much else getting done today.
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To be honest when I have fosters in I leave them to it (I'm in the room though) and don't interact with them too much myself. When Cassie arrived she was shellshocked after two days in the pound and so I just showed her where the crate was and just left her to it. As I said earlier don't fuss them too much (either of them) they don't quite see it the way we humans do and just need the basics. They will move at their own pace.
You can't make an assumption either that Buddy wants to be an only dog on the basis of a couple of hours. Wilf is quite grumpy with the pups that come here for a week or so then he settles down and they slowly become buddies or at least he stops being a grumpy old git.
It can a month at least for a new dog to settle in!
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If (let's just pretend for a while, shall we) she was to stay overnight. What should we do with them.
At the moment Bud sleeps in his crate with the door open, just outside our bedroom door (that is real progress believe me!) and has the freedom to roam around the house but not into our room.
We do have a spare crate in the garage, but not really any room for it to be honest. But I'm sure we can improvise.
Hmmmm. Well, have just spoken to Salty's carer, she (Salty) is staying here for a week! She's driving back to London next week so can collect her if things don't get any better!
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I think that's a great idea Anette - give you all time to really see if it's likely to work or not. Finger's crossed it does.
As for sleeping tonight - what are her normal sleeping arrangements - you might be better to stick to those if poss.
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A crate for Salty may make her feel more settled, even though she may choose where she sleeps ultimately.
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Glad to hear the day has been disaster free ;) Jackson was terrified of Disney for the first few days as he (Disney) is quite boisterous in his play. After a couple of days though, that was that - they were both playing together quite happily like old friends B)
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Extending her stay to a week will give you a much better indication as to if their relationship will work and also how you feel about a new addition. I do hope she settles in well ;)
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Aww Annette, keeping everything crossed she settles in and everyone is happy :blink:
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how's salty now?
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Annette, so sorry I missed this, just wanted to send you my best wishes to, I really hope things work out with Salty, keeping everything crossed for you xx :luv:
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2 dogs pacing again, but they have slept a bit on/off the sofa. Buddy is very jealous at the moment.
We have brought in the spare crate and set it up downstairs. Buddy who hates it is guarding it like it's his favourite place, and Salty has yet to venture inside it. Salty is turning into a bit of a shadow too, so don't know how they (or us) are going to sleep overnight. Don't think Bud will let her share his crate upstairs!!
I am out all day tomorrow, but Steve will be here with them. He may have to bring his puter downstairs to work. Just so he can referee.
Salty just picked up the plastic bowl we have been using to feed her today, and Buddy tried to get it, so she had a bit of a low level go at him. I've taken it away now.
Think we have an exciting few days ahead of us.
Oh, they are both on the sofa now. So sweet. Well it would be if either of them was willing to acknowledge the other.
Still, as someone said, at least we have had no disasters yet. They may well learn to be friends.
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Sounds like things are going Ok so far. Buddy is used to being the only dog but I am sure he will grow to like her. At the end of the day he would probably be the same wether it was a puppy or an older dog ;)
I wouldn't pander to him and just ignore his jealous behaviour. The fact that she's a bitch and older than him tells me she'll have him wrapped around her paw in no time >:D
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How did it go last night??
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The settling down routine was a bit different, but they settled. Buddy upstairs as usual, Salty on sofa.
We heard two brief spats but they sorted themselves out.
I tried feeding them both in the kitchen this morning, one one end, one the other (it is only small though). Buddy does a good sit and leave so I got him in position, Tried the same with Salty, holding her collar, and put hers down first, then Buddy's. Went ok for a second or two, but Buddy literally inhaled his in his rush to get to hers. She on the other hand is a s,ow, messy eater so he was desperately trying to get to hers. We lost any control over him at that point so dragged him into the lounge and shut the doors. But we knew the doors don't close well so he just barged through. Think we will need to keep them very seperate as it seems they are both food guarding at the moment. I threw away what she didn't eat immediately because Buddy would have just got it.
They then behaved very badly, BOTH very possessive of us!
However I just took them out on the field where they ignored each other for a while until another dog came up to us. He doesn't usually play at all, but Salty started trying to get him to play :o
When Simba lost interest, she allowed Buddy to play and I locked the extending lead and let them at it. It was great, they had such fun. We must try to improvise a long line for the rest of the week.
Then Bud went into the river for a drink and Salty followed him! BUT she is too fat to climb out, so I tugged on the lead to give her a hand and the collar slipped off, so I had to climb down the muddy bank, kneel in the mud and haul her out!!!!
Still, I managed to get the collar back on her and we are all fine now, but back in the house they are ignoring each other again. Early days.
Must say, at first I was thinking that she definitely wasn't going to be staying, but now I'm back to having a more open mind about it. I know it's early days but first thing was so much NOT fun, I didn't want to have to be coping with that for ever. Guess I'm also a bit stressed by the busy day ahead of me (all planned before we knew Salty was coming, obviously)
Thanks for thinking of us, keep the advice and encouragement coming please.
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Sounds like all is going well to me! :laugh:
For the food thing, I would put Buddys lead on and save a little of his food back and stand on the lead so he can't get to Salty's food and train him to remain seated or at least stay away from her bowl. When he does this feed him from the bit you have saved!
Eventually you should be able to feed Salty and ask Buddy to wait then give him his a bit later so they finish together.
Jessie is a Dyson when food is around but we have trained her to come away from Saffi's bowl when she (Jessie) has finished (they are fed in the same room), Jessie eats so fast and Saffi doesn't, so to make sure Jessie doesn't have 2 dinners and Saffi gets 1 ::) we had to go thru this process.
Now Jessie finishes her dinner and comes into the kitchen or living room (wherever people are) to see what else she can get....cos it is always better than more food lol.
I am sure things will settle down soon....Salty will soon have Buddy feeding her grapes and wafting her with a big leaf ;)
Cheers
Jane
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Must say, at first I was thinking that she definitely wasn't going to be staying, but now I'm back to having a more open mind about it. I know it's early days but first thing was so much NOT fun, I didn't want to have to be coping with that for ever. Guess I'm also a bit stressed by the busy day ahead of me (all planned before we knew Salty was coming, obviously)
Good to hear that it seems to be going well; its interesting to hear your experiences, as they will help me make future decisions ;)
As I understand it, most co-habiting dogs, no matter how well they get on, tend to have the odd spat; so although I am sure it will settle down between them, I think it would be rare if you get to a stage when they never to fall out ::)
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Annette - it does sound like things are going in a positive direction. Do keep us posted on how thigns develop over the coming days ;) :blink:
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This evening's walk was a disaster. We have improvised a long line for Salty which she enjoyed, but she kept having a really nasty go at Buddy who yelped a few times. All incidents seem to have been provoked by Salty.
She loves other people and other dogs, but is getting very possessive of us, and both Buddy and Salty are very jealous at the moment. Buddy is kind of sulking and choosing to be anywhere she isn't. It's hard to watch and I am just hoping it will get better.
We are going to try the feeding advice tonight. Will let you know!
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hi annette, just catching up on all your news, sounds like you are having fun!!!!! aaaaah still have my fingers crossed that everything with Salty and the lovely Buddy goes well, its early days, sounds like you are just having to iron out a few creases!!!
Best of luck for success with the Buddy/Salty bonding xxxx
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:o OMG - how have I managed to miss this?????? Well done you for giving Salty a try, I really really hope it will all work out!!
Good luck, and piccies soon please.... (when you manage to get them both calm and content.... :P)
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How has today been. Sorry, just caught up, but am very interested to see how things are going.
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Our two still fight quite a lot - pin each other to the ground by the ears, etc. Indie can also get very jealous, but if we try and separate them, they miss each other! :luv:
Best of luck with Salty.
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just catching up Annette...how are things today...sooo hope it works out for you all ;)
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Salty is a really lovely little lady. :luv: She has some rather bad habits such as begging from the table and counter surfing, but I'm sure they could be sorted out in time. She also food guards, bed guards and barks at every noise outside the garden, but we're kind of used to that with Buddy (the barking that is, not the guarding). Her bark is a real high pitched squeal too. It's so funny when she and Buddy kick off together because he has a particularly deep bark for a cocker. The bin men said it sounded like we had a "lot of dogs in there" yesterday. Feels like that too, sometimes.
We still have some significant doubts. Firstly, that she and Buddy will ever form a good relationship. I fear that at best they will learn to tolerate one another, and that isn't really what we were looking for. Secondly, we fear that we may not be a 2 dog family after all. Thirdly, I do think she might be a lot happier as an only dog. She loves a fuss and lots of attention from humans.
Tonight, things have taken a slightly sinister turn. We were told that she had growled at a 2 year old grandchild. But were thrilled that she has been absolutely fine with our 8 year old Ben. Tonight though, when he went to kiss Steve goodnight, she went ballistic. So much so that we had to hold her collar when he kissed me. After he went to bed OH and I tried a kiss with the same reaction. I don't know how to deal with that, but it is worrying that she is becoming so possessive of us after such a short time.
I really hope we aren't screwing her up even more by keeping her here for the week when there's a real possibility that it won't work out. I spoke to the lady from the rescue today, and she knows how we are feeling, but I have yet to let her know about this human guarding if that's what it's called.
We go from one decision made to the other several times a day. I must say that I feel quite tearful when I think of sending her back, but we have to think what's best for all of us, and it would be best if she found her super forever home sooner rather than later, so if we have serious doubts that we can make it work, we should make sure she gets that as soon as possible.
:'(
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Aww Annette .. I cant offer any advice as have no experience but want to send you lots of supportive (((HUGS)))...think you can only go with your gut instinct ;) Please dont feel bad if you have to let her go back...you have done your best ;) ...hope things improve for you all xxxxx
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Hi Annette!
I've been offline for a few days and have just caught up with your thread. I don't have any advice to offer other than what has already been given, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you all and hope it goes well (one way or the other). It sounds like she and Buddy have a bit of adjusting to do. I'm sure they'd get there in the end though (Molly absolutely HATED Brodie initially!). You certainly have a lot to think about though, you have to feel certain that she won't put Ben at risk (but then perhaps a few days hasn't been long enough for her to want kisses??)
With regards to Salty and Buddy fighting, as long as it's supervised I'd let them get on with it :blink:. Sounds like they have to get the pecking order sorted out. My 2 have never fought but when they playfight it sounds so savage that you'd think they were killing each other. Eventually you get to recognise real aggression from warnings/play.
Hope to hear how things are progressing. Best of luck. Speak soon. x
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Tracey - she wants kisses, she's all over us. Keeping them off us is a bit of an issue.
No, the guarding was when Ben tried to kiss his dad goodnight! Then when Steve and I kissed. (Anyone want contaceptive advice? :laugh:)
We are just leaving them to the fighting, just watching to make sure it doesn't go too far. It's been very short spats only so far, but getting more slinking and growling stuff now. Don't know whether that's moving in the right direction or not. It's all centred on us and our attention though (Oh, and food of course!!).
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Annette, Salty's behaviour is really worrying - especially in such a short time. I could be wrong, and I'm sure a more experienced resuce person will correct me, but I'm pretty sure that the guarding you've described usually comes when they get comfortable with what's their's - which is why many aggressive dogs don't usually display this type of behaviour the whole time they're in rescues. Having said that, and having a dog with fear aggression / resource gurading myself, her behaviour may be amplified because she's not yet settled in.
It's really difficult when you get a second dog. When we got Bramble, we got her to keep Millie company. In our minds, they would cuddle up together in their basket and stuff. The thing is, dogs have a very different view! Millie tolerates Bramble (and Bramble loves Millie). They will never have the relationship we'd hoped they would - but that's our fault, not theirs - our expectations were not theirs.
I wish you luck but urge you to act on your gut instinct. This sounds like a potentially dangerous dog to me and nobody would blame you if you can't offer her a perminant home.
Good Luck!
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Tracey - she wants kisses, she's all over us. Keeping them off us is a bit of an issue.
Cassie was very much like this but I would often ignore her or just let her have 5 min then no more, and then cuddles her myself for 5 min later on so she still got cuddles. As time went on though she stopped being quite so insistent (she was only here a couple of weeks or so).
It still really is early days and it can take months for a dog to settle properly. It can take time to build up a new relationship even when you get a new pup.
Its not unusual for rescues to be clingy whatever their background, dogs who come from multi-households can be like this as can dogs from only households. Even those from loving homes find it difficult as they have to immediately fit in with a new possibly very different regime, which is why it takes time for owners and dog alike to settle into an acceptable routine.
I always take the approach that any new dog will be clingy so I deal with that accordingly, if they're not then its a bounus in that direction.
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Some dogs come with baggage and we're not always the ones who are ready to deal with this for a variety of reasons (e.g. our circumstances, experience, confidence, etc. aren't right at that time). It doesn't make us bad owners or neither does it make the dog in question bad either.
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Then when Steve and I kissed. (Anyone want contaceptive advice? :laugh:)
^_^ ^_^ ^_^
We don't have that problem, I sit on the sofa with the dogs and Ian sits in a different room! ^_^ ^_^
Seriously though, it seems like she's been with you a very short time for her to be acting this way. Poor wee thing sounds really insecure. :-\
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Some dogs come with baggage and we're not always the ones who are ready to deal with this for a variety of reasons (e.g. our circumstances, experience, confidence, etc. aren't right at that time). It doesn't make us bad owners or neither does it make the dog in question bad either.
Very well put Penny.
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I'm sorry that I have given the impression that Salty is aggressive. I fullt understand that she is insecure, in the space of 2 weeks she has left her lovely home, gone into a housefull of 15 dogs, 5 of which were terriers and gave her a hard time, then been brought to us.
We took on board the advice about not fussing either of them, but in practice it was very difficult. We tend to all sit on the sofa when we want to watch tv for instance, and Buddy is allowed up for cuddles which we all love. When Salty arrived we allowed them both up and were careful to have a hand on each dog or neither dog, if you see what I mean. But I think that was still wrong. However trying to get them both off the sofa was a full-time job and destroyed any quality of life for all of us.
So today, humans are banned from the sofa and we have improvised various chairs from around the house for us. They are now welcome to the sofa together, and are totally banned from the chairs (which has always been the case). For the few minutes we have had to sit in the lounge this morning, it worked pretty well.
The two dogs have been playing in the house this morning, which is great. But you should hear the screeching noises from her! She does this whenever she is excited, so we aren't worried about it apart from our tolerant neighbours who might be pushed to the edge over this. It's VERY loud.
Today, we have to decide whether we are in fact capable of settling to own two dogs at all. In our research we noticed that some COLers found it easy, some found it hard. And I suspect the issue has more to do with family/human dynamics than the particular dogs. We have real doubts over this for us. If this is so, then I deeply regret messing with Salty's head in this way, and if she is returned to the shelter we will not continue looking for a companion dog for Buddy.
I am so upset by all this, that my sense of guilt is threatening to affect our decision. I have to keep in mind that this is why this was arranged as a trial. Just so that we wouldn't struggle on for months, then end up re-re-homing her.
For any of you following this thread with an interest in taking on another cocker please believe me that I think she will make a perfect pet for someone. There is very little wrong with this dog, she is fantastic. A few behavioural issues, but I think they are all relatively minor. Her recall is improving (I think that goes with the clinginess, but you see there's a good thing coming out of even that), and we have been trying to teach her some basic commands. Today's feeding frenzy was much better too,
All of the negatives here have been to do with the mix of Salty and Buddy (which might resolve in future, who knows?) and this major issue of whether we should be a two dog family at all. I wish there had been some way to know that before we took her on this trial. I suppose she will be better able to handle it than an ex-breeding bitch that we were originally looking for.
We need to do some serious talking and thinking here. Thank you for all your input. And I'm really sorry. :'(
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Annette - you have nothing to be sorry for. You are giving this your best shot. If it doesn't work out then so be it - you tried and tried hard, and it would be better for all if Salty went to another home if it's not going to work out with you.
There are a vast number of reasons why two dogs will or won't work out some is to do with the human dynamics other is to do with the temperament of the dog/s concerned.
Just one thought - is it worth trying to get a behaviourist in to observe and see if they think you can work this out?
In the end don't let your emotions get in the way of your final decision. Easier said than done, but try to look at the true practicalities and "bigger picture" If you feel you would all be happier as a one dog, ie Buddy, family then so be it. There is nothing wrong with that decision whatsoever. If however you do feel that you could stick it out with Salty then again - go for it - nothing wrong with that decision either - but only you can decide. You see how you all are together and know how much grief etc you can take.
It's a bigger person that admits it won't work than someone who buries their head in the sand in the vain hope that things will get better.
Good luck in whatever you decide and you do know you can always come to COL for support.
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Hey Annette don't be silly. It's very very hard to adjust to a new dog joining the household - I always get stressed and upset, usually cry quite a bit :laugh: have a few rows with OH, and then everything starts to settle.... I always feel I've done the wrong thing - and then the dogs start to get on,and I realise its the right thing.
Everyone has different ways of coping, and just because she might not be the right dog for your household doesn't mean that there isn't another one that would be. Or perhaps a puppy, with a clean slate would be better for you, there is nothing wrong with that - and don't let anyone make you feel there is.
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No-one on here has, Penel. I feel we have had terrific support from our COL friends with more experience than us.
Maybe I have "issues". Eeek!
If Salty was the only dog here we would be raving about her. Honestly, she's lovely. I'm crying buckets!
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Have not got nothing to add to the advice given Annette, but just wanted to let you know that you have loads of support and good wishes here whatever you decide. A dog will only be happy if the owners are happy! Please don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about.
Remember Bayley, well look what has happened to him! Lynpate was in exactly your situation and everything has turned out wonderful for Bayley.
Loads and loads of <<<<hugs>>>>> to you.
xx
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If Salty was the only dog here we would be raving about her. Honestly, she's lovely. I'm crying buckets!
Awww Annette (((hug)))
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It's very very hard to adjust to a new dog joining the household
Hi Annette ,
I was just about to say the same thing. One more being in the house will of course change things for everyone a little bit, dogs and humans. As I've said elsewhere on the forum, after two weeks I was all for taking Jack back, :o but we (perhaps I) got past that moment.
You must have wanted another dog for you, and not just for Buddy? This may have altered in the reality of having two there. That's OK - as you say better you know now!
If the two dogs are playing, then that's more than Tia and Jack have ever done! ::)
Tia still barks at me if I cuddle with someone, but we think it's quite cute. Peggy is now barking if the children fuss Tia (but only in the kitchen?!? :huh:)
Good luck with the decision making! I think it sounds like the dogs are moving forward a little. :blink:
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Annette, I really feel for you. I was the exact same when Jackson came and he and Dallas took an immediate dislike to each other. I was in tears many a night over things and decided on quite a few occasions that Jackson would have to go back. But then I would see little things between he and Dallas that would make me think that things would be ok in the end. They were tiny baby steps but they were there and that gave me the incentive to carry on. It was easier for me in the sense that I was already a multi-dog household but I can truly sympathise with your dilemma. Even though things didn't go according to plan with Jackson, it hasn't put me off taking on another rescue (well, it did at first but I'm over that now ;)) so even though Salty may noit stay with you, it doesn't mean that you can't try again in the future. That is the whole purpose of trials - you can't really tell if two dogs can co-habit unless you try so don't feel bad. Just think of it as giving Salty a wee holiday ;)
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Hi Annette
Sorry have only just caught up on this thread.........
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It sounds like you are doing wonderful with Salty and the doubts you are having at the moment are quite normal when you take on a rescue.....we all feel we have done the wrong thing initially and maybe let our own animals down in some way.... the problems you are encountering sound normal too and usually get ironed out in time when the newcomer becomes established then it's like they have always been here......
But if you feel she is not right for your houshold them at least you tried......I am a fatalist and if it's not right for Salty now then she has to go back for a reason ,in her case because the right home will be round the corner if not yours......
Please dont feel guilty about this and whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and her........
Best of Luck
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Tia still barks at me if I cuddle with someone, but we think it's quite cute. Peggy is now barking if the children fuss Tia (but only in the kitchen?!? :huh:)
I should have said we ignore this, and it has lessened greatly over time, and so are doing the same with Peggy!
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Hi Annette, I've only just caught up with this again, its a fast moving thread. I echo everyone, there is nothing to be sorry for ;) I wish you every luck with whatever you decide, and whatever it is you do decide, it will be the right thing for Salty and for Buddy and for all of you ;) ;)
Sending you all lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Hi Annette.....I was so sorry to read about your problems with Salty but I'm sure whatever you decide it will be in both the dogs & your family's best interests.
I'm also a bit of a fatalist & believe what will be will be!
It is a difficult decision; when we have our friends Cairn Rooney to stay it always upsets the equilibrium between the dogs & although he's a dear little chap I'm usually quite relieved when he goes back home & things settle back to normal again!
Best of luck with your decision what ever it is. :-\
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annette - i echo everything everyone has said here - and you have nothing to feel sorry or guilty for, trials are trials and it's far better if salty went back at the end of the week (IF it doesn't work out) then re-homing her in 6 months time. whatever the decision, it will be the right thing for all of you i'm sure.
....and if the trial doesn't work out it would not be because of anything you or your family are doing - (and what you are actually doing is a fantastic job, really admire you ;))
hugs, and support vibes!
helen
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On reading this thread I'd just like to say that patience and time is required.
You have our support and I am sure everything will turn out fine.
Regards
Donna
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Aww Annette..sending you lots of BIG (((HUGS))) xxxxx
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Annette,
I am no expert, and really sympathise with your situation, I have considered taking a rescue myself, so am reading your postings with great interest.
It all seems to be happening so quick. Try not to despair, you will need time to see how things work out, both dogs are craving for attention, and will go through times of jealousy.
Don't be too hasty in your decision. You are doing a wonderful thing. I hope it works out for you .
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Not much to add really accept for what everyone else has said ;)Remember, it was only a trial ;) and if things don't work out you have done what is right for you and your family ;)
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aw Annette, i've only just seen this thread. Hope things are looking brighter tonight. Have you tried taking them for walks seperatly to see how they react when the other one isn't there ie would they look for each other or mope? If it doesn't work out for you and Salty does go back, at least yoiuknow that this thread and all the advice generated through it is being of use to people who are also thinking of taking on a rescue dog. I really do hope it works out for you all and well done for trying.
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Och, Annette. I really feel for you (and all the family!). Can't give any advice as I know you'll make the right decision as a family. Don't beat yourself up about it, have faith that whatever choice you make will be the right one for you AND Salty. Sending you lots of positive vibes and ((((hugs)))). Let us know how it goes. x
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Hi Annette
No words of wisdom from me. I just wanted to let you know that I really feel for you, this was only a trial and you certainly are pulling out all the stops to make this work, you shouldn't feel guilty atall, I have nothing but admiration for you and your family :luv: If it doesn't work out it certainly wasn't because you all didn't try its circumstance way beyond your control, whatever you decide, you did your very very best and that I am sure we all have much respect for you for.
Take care and sending you all a cuddle xxxx
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Ditto what everyone else has said, you really are trying your best so try not to beat yourself up, whatever decision you make ;)
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Thanks for all your support.
I think we now know that we shouldn't have 2 dogs. We have been so happy as a 1 dog family, but didn't fully appreciate just how easy Buddy is to live with, and how much extra would be involved in trying to have another fit in.
I this particular dog was staying, we would urgently need to get lead walking sorted (for both of them - they are both awful, and worse together!), or we would never all be able to go out together except onto the field. But we really do not have the time to do this properly. And there are lots of other issues which would need to be sorted out (with both dogs, up to a point) which again will take a great deal of time, and 1:1 with each dog. I don't think we can deal with that adequately, and things could slide out of control.
Also, they have not played nicely at all today, but lots of nasty stuff. We are not intervening as so far neither has hurt the other, but it is serious fighting rather than play. Even out on our walk they didn't play, but Salty did go for Buddy when she saw he was nearer to me than she was.
Both are quite unhappy today. Buddy's tail hasn't wagged all morning :'(. I think that this might just be a step on his way to taking subordinate status to her, but as we now know she's not staying I am getting a bit worried that it might permanantly damage his lovely personality. Do you think it might? Part of me thinks it might also be good for him in some ways, but I don't know.
Salty did have a go at another dog this morning who was getting nearer to me. That's probably just another sign of her insecurity. I do think all of these problems could be ironed out by someone with more experience/time than us. And probably either with her as an only dog, or in an experienced 2 dog family.
We have had some fun in all this. Part of our walk takes us through a sports field, and every morning (until today) Buddy has grabbed the long line trailing from Salty's collar and led her all round the field. She has seemed quite happy with that too. It was lovely to watch, and I wish I'd got a video of it. And they have had some lovely shoulder to shoulder cocker play on the fields. The noise levels don't matter much there!
She is SO LOUD!!!! You know how they sound when you tread on their feet? That's how she sounds when you get ready for a walk, when Buddy and she play, when you go to feed her etc. And still a screech, but slightly different, whenever anyone walks past the house.
Oh, and she chases cats!!!!! And she's much stronger and more determined than Buddy. She nearly pulled me over yesterday (and those of you who have met me will appreciate just how strong that is!)
Anyway we are trying to contact the rescue now and hope to be able to arrange to drive her back to Wales this week if possible. We really want her to be advertised on DP asap, so that she can move on quickly. I would love to offer to keep her as foster carer, but I actually think that might do more harm than good at this stage.
I'm planning to try to get one out without the other later, so that they can have a break from each other. They are a bit like tormented souls at the moment.
I'm still a bit upset, and we will all miss her so much in many ways, but we will all relax too. And we'll be able to get back to being the cuddly family we are ::)
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Yesterday was Buddy's first Gotcha Anniversary, and we couldn't make a fuss of him (you don't think we spoil him a bit do you? We don't really).
We'll celebrate his first walk instead.
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Lots of love to you Annette and family I know that wont have been an easy descision to make xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Aww Annette - from what you've said it sounds like you will all be happier if Salty goes elsewhere. Maybe in a while you will feel that you can fit another dog into your lives, and perhaps you did ought to go the puppy route again - they are time consuming but it might be better for Buddy to have a friend with no "previous" !
I hope Salty finds her forever home soon,
Happy Gotcha day to Buddy !
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A brave decission Annette - but the right one for all of you I feel. If I'd have got Bramble first, there's no way I'd have ever been able to deal with Millie and her behaviour issues!
As I said in my previous post, I got Bramble because I thought she's be company for Mills and that they would cuddle up and play together....the thing is......Millie didn't have the same idea!
At least you know now that Buddy is going to be best as an only dog.
Well done for trying your best for Salty.
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Sorry things didn't work out as you had hoped but at least you tried. I'm sure the right home will be out there for her somewhere :-*
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Good luck Annette - I'm sure Buddy will get over this episode very quickly and Salty will soon find her forever home. It is the right decision - well don for making it. ;)
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Brave decision, but as Pammy says the right one. At the end of the day you are supposed to enjoy dog ownership, it's no fun if they aren't getting on or you feel it isn't right for you and your family. I am sure it won't be long before she finds a new home ;)
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Aww this must have been a difficult decision for you Annette (((HUG)))...I'm sure Salty will soon find a lovely new home ... big well done from us for trying ;) xxxxx
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Hi Annette,
Sorry I haven't been on sooner - I have had password issues!
I think you have made a very brave decision and well done to you and your family for trying so hard. When we had Charlie for the Christmas week, it really made me realise how hard it is to deal with a dog that you haven't trained yourself.
I think Daisy would have been perfectly happy being an only dog and she still hates Woody! So, don't feel bad for Buddy, I'm sure he is perfectly happy. Oh, and he will forget all about this incident within a few short days - especially when you have his 'gotcha' party with jelly and ice cream!!! :005:
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Sorry things didn't work out for all of you, but I don't think you could have done any more. Well done for trying ;)
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Not sure how I missed the update :-\
Annette, can only echo what the others have said, sorry it didn't work out and hope Salty finds her forever home soon, you did your best hun xxx
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She's still here. We are trying to arrange for Steve to meet up with the rescuer at the Severn bridge tomorrow, but haven't heard back yet.
Things have been a bit tense today. Their only interaction has been some very real fighting with her hanging onto Buddy's lip or ears. Only short spats, but all day, on and off. She would definitely be top dog, but Buddy's not going down without a fight! We are pretty much open plan so not easy to keep them seperate. I was just settling down this evening to make some calls to new potential customers when they started up at full volume. Had to put that plan on hold for a bit as Steve was out!
Out on our walk this morning they totally ignored each other. We met up with a lady and a dog. Salty went over as friendly as ever, but then started getting cross with this other dog when he approached his walker. Very possessive.
Poor thing is very insecure now. Seems very tense and anxious. I do hope she finds her perfect forever home soon. Do think she needs someone experienced though. Quite a lot of training needed. She is very bright though (smarter than Buddy the Baffled!)
This morning I had planned to walk Salty up to school with me, then come back and take Buddy out for a ball chasing time on the field. Ben put a stop to that by coming down late after much nagging (he was playing with his Lego Star Wars - the current passion!) in his jeans and hoody >:(
By the time he was in his uniform and ready to leave we didn't have time for poop scooping walks up the road!
Hope to go with plan A tomorrow, but then if she's heading back to Wales tomorrow there probably isn't the same need. Hey ho!
It will be good to be able to cuddle up and relax again.
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Salty has left the building.
I am relieved but also very very sad.
I do think we did our best while she was here, but don't feel that we did our best by having her here to start with. But we did sincerely believe that we wanted two dogs, and as you know we wrestled with that decision for some time before she came.
You are right, I should stop beating myself up about it, but I do guilt in a big way!
I really can't tell you all how much I have appreciated your advice, kind words, encouragement and help in all this. It's been a really tough week for all of us here. A real roller coaster with bits of fun and sadness all mixed in.
Hopefully we have learned more about ourselves and will more appreciate what we have in the future, hopefully the rescue will be able to use the extra knowledge we have been able to pass on about Salty to find a super new home for her, and hopefully we will all be able to move on now with no regrets (not sure about that one though!)
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
:'( :'( :'(
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Bless you Annette. You did the right thing. She probably picked up alot on your anxioness as well. How is Buddy feeling? Top of the world probably ;)
I'm sure she will get a wonderful new home very soon. Luckily the cockers don't seem to stay too long in rescue. I do hope her new owners think about changing her name though ph34r :P
Well done for trying. xx :blink:
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(((Annette))) I've been reading your posts about Salty, but didn't post anything as we are about to go down the road of rescuing a cocker too ~ your experiences have given us some pointers, so for that I thank you. I am sure Salty will benefit in the long run from being with you, at least now they have a better idea of what her needs will be and of what her character is like. Please don't be sad, you gave her a home even if for just a little while. Now you can focus on Buddy, perhaps he will miss her for a bit? but lots of walks and cuddles will cheer you all up.
annie j
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Hi Annette,
You made the right decision and if you hadn't tried How would you have known if it would work.............
Good has come out of this ........... like you said the rescue have more knowledge about Salty's needs that will help them find the forever home thats waiting round the corner for her......
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hi annette,just caught this i have sent you a pm
lyn
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sending a big hug, you've done the best thing for all concerned, and you're so right - the rescue has got a wealth of information for rehoming salty now, and she will be happier in the long run ;)
ps happy belated gotcha day beautiful buddy!