Author Topic: feeling I didnt say goodbye..  (Read 2676 times)

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Offline millyann

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feeling I didnt say goodbye..
« on: July 24, 2022, 10:23:04 AM »
I put Carlo to sleep on Wednesday.  He was almost 13 and had lymphoma - he was fading, getting sleepier and stiffer, picking at his food. I knew the end was coming and with a heavy heart I'd booked him in for Friday morning.  We were planning to sit quietly with him on Thursday evening, saying goodbye, just being with him, processing it. But he went down hill very fast suddenly and Wednesday morning I could see he was dying - confused, lethargic, unable to drink. It was heartbreaking, I felt I couldn't let it go on another minute- I just rang the vet and took him down and they put him to sleep in my arms. Now I am devastated that I didn't really say goodbye - they asked me if I wanted some time but I just wanted it over, I didn't want to be hanging around at the ( very kind) vet where he always hated going. I sat with his body for a little while and then I went home - it seems so sudden and shocking. I am devastated. He was the sweetest dog and feel I let him down but not saying goodbye properly. I will get his ashes back and then we can have a little moment with the family maybe. Has anyone else been through something similar and have anything to share?

Offline bizzylizzy

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Re: feeling I didnt say goodbye..
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2022, 12:06:01 PM »
I‘m so sorry to read this. Having to say goodbye to our beloved companions is heartbreaking, when and wherever it happens and nothing really every prepares us for it even when we‘re expecting it. Its rare to be able to plan it and I can fully understand how you’re feeling but you clearly had no other choice and made the decision based on what was best for Carlo, not on what was easiest for you and that‘s what you need to keep reminding yourself of. He left you while you were holding him in your arms and that would have reassured him and given him comfort, a prolonged goodbye might even have distressed him.
You shared a good life with your boy and you were with him and stood  by him right until the end. Its hard at the moment,  as any of us who‘ve said goodbye to our dogs will know, but once the initial shock and pain has eased a little you‘ll be able to remember him with smiles instead of tears. Be kind to yourself, hang on to those memories and dear Carlo will always be there with you.
 Sending you  :bigarmhug: , run free and happy over the bridge dear Carlo!

Offline Jaysmumagain

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Re: feeling I didnt say goodbye..
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2022, 05:24:03 PM »
Milly Ann

I really was drawn to tears when I read this, it is heart breaking and so very raw to me as I have an old boy.  But I have to tell you 'the what ifs' have gone and I can honestly tell you that you did your very best and in the end that is all we can do for our beloved doggies. You had hoped for more time and I can understand that, sadly sometimes events are out of our control and your decision was based on your love for Carlo and the pain you could see. 

You ask has anyone been through something similar and for me I can remember only to well the heartache that some 15 years later flooded back to me when I read this, I have seen and lived with lymphoma in my beloved Jay, he was 11 when I lost him to this dreadful illness, the pain that stopped you even comforting him, and my needing to stop his pain and the devastation that it brought to my life.

You loved your boy and he loved you - how could you not make this decision out of the love you had for him.
The pain is raw and words of comfort will not help but you must think of the love and memories so painful at this time, and as Jayne says you will remember him with smiles instead of tears.

I now I fill face this soon again and I hope I am as brave as you and to can not let my boy suffer.

Be kind to yourselves - your boy is free from the pain and he had someone who loved him and will always to so.
Cocker kisses and cuddles just make my day!


You are always with me darlings Jaypup and my precious Oliver you are so missed

Offline ejp

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Re: feeling I didnt say goodbye..
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2022, 07:58:50 PM »
Oh dear love you, it's heartbreaking.  We lost one of ours just after surgery, she died in the vets without us.  After that we had our boy pts after a sudden cancer diagnosis, and it happened really quickly.  He had been getting old and creaky, and then it suddenly became very obvious there was a big problem.  He went in for tests and we discovered he was riddled with cancer.  We had a little time with him, but he was out of it on meds, and I asked for him just to be allowed to go. 
You made your choice for Carlo because you love him and put his needs before yours.  I completely understand your pain and feeling of loss.  You are not alone in this, many of us have been down this road, and there is no easy answer.  Please do not reproach yourself, you say that you saw the change in Carlo, and that is why you changed your plans.  It was right for him, even though it pains you, a hard choice for the right reason.  Please take care of yourself.

Offline Mudmagnets

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Re: feeling I didnt say goodbye..
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2022, 09:23:06 AM »
So sorry to read your post about dear Carlo

Sad to say,sometimes circumstances force our hand, I lost Smudge in 2013, he got very ill very quickly and was admitted to the vet hospital with multiple organ failure, he spent the afternoon and night there, but lost his battle early the next morning, so I was not with him - but I don't think to be honest that he would have known either way.

We all have different ways of dealing and I like to think of Smudge enjoying himself on Bigbury Beach where we used to visit when on holiday.

Take care of yourselves

 :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug:
Remembering Smudge 23/11/2006 - 3/8/2013, and Branston 30/8/14 - 28/10/22 both now at the Bridge.

Offline MIN

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Re: feeling I didnt say goodbye..
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2022, 04:54:29 PM »
I came home from work and found my border terrier dead.  to this day i don't know why.  I beat myself up because i wasn't there when she needed me most.  Your pup knew you was there and that would have made him happy and content. To him length of time did not matter, you sent him on with love  :luv:

Run free and fly high my beautiful Gemma
2011 - 2023 

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