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15. Presented you with a cat turd from the litter tray when you came round for supper [/quoteI love this one!!!Jean, was it worse because she is usually well behaved?
Rolo is a little turd.. literally.. it was his birthday, I was on a hike with a friend rolos breeder and her posse and my lot. she and I were going to a garden party so we took the dogs out before we went.. we were up on a rock in a forrest and we got stuck as so many trees were down with the gales so we had to turn back. got back to her place with plenty time to spare and I was going home to have a bath and get ready to party when she asked me to have a look at her hedge she had just clipped..... so down I sauntered and rolo raced ahead leapt the dyke and dissapeared.. Oh no she gasps hes gone into the septic tank!!! with all the rain we'd had and flooding, her tank soakaway thing had overflowed and the little turd was up to his eyes in kack!aw noooo ... I was roaring at the little turd to get out of it which he did and then came gaily romping back to me just deelighted with himself.......gerrroffame Im skirling as I waggle my wellied foot at him ..he gets the idea all is not well and decides to take his stenchy ar$e back to the car WHICH I REALISE IS OPEN!!well... you lot wont believe this but yelling like a fishwife to get the bleepity bleep away from the car I ran as fast as i could and I beat the little turd to the car... thank the lawd, I slam the boot shut just as he hurls himself towards the car.. so he bounces off the door leaving a rolo sized turdy stain and he then slinks underneath the car. by this time my "friend" I use this term loosely .. caught up and was apologising profusley for the fact that her over efficient bowel happy family, family products are all over my dog. her husband was coming with the dungsucker from the farm she promised me ( he uses it for the slurry tank) "not bleepity bleep soon enough" Im roaring... anyway with her assistance .. well it was her excrement.. she helped me catch the little beast and with a bottle of fairy liquid and a garden hose he was power washed. well I flung the lad and co into the car and skeddadled home. took dogs to croft and stuck them in run just as heavens opened..great for giving the boy another shower not so great for the garden party anyway we went, I got stuck into the gin and tried to de traumatise myself! and do you know? with all that fertiliser he didnt grow an inch!! he should be 6ft tall by now. and pepper is not a goodie goodie either..okay... I actually think this may have been the worst....rolo as yet unborn... pepper and liath and me visiting my kind farmer friend who always provides a gin and a solution to most problems. ( in this case he caused the problem)he had a rabbit in the garden... not a pet... and he wanted rid of it.....Pepper was called upon to sniff it out with her sidekick liath... mr farmer was poised with the popgun ready to shoot ... pepper investigated every shrub, tree and plant.... this is a big garden they open to the public every so often for red cross... anyway .. back to the tale of woe...no rabbit... like peter rabbit he was off after sampling mr macgregors cabbages..home to mummy....But pepper found where he was coming in so triumphantly mr macgregor ( not real name) and myself blocked up entrance hole and decided to have congratulatory gin.. in garden in glorious sunshine.... popgun restored to gun cabinet securely locked away.well we were sipping away listening to birdsong... this chappie also is a butterfly/moth and bird enthusiast so I get a nature lecture along with the gin...bye the bye pepper and liath who had been lying panting at my feet decided to wander round the garden... its enclosed so I wasnt worried and just left them to bimble about. then all hell broke loose ......another hole was found in the drystone dyke by the pepperoni wobble bottom with a wee cheeky rabbit popping back in for pudding!! the two dogs leapt the dyke to see if they could get it from the other side and landed on ... the OUTFLOW FROM THE SEPTIC TANK!!!! AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgh!!!I watched in horror as dainty lil Lee pranced across without breaking the crust pepper went belting in after like a rhino after a poacher... straight through it .. down to her armpits in thick stinking sludge.....my friend stood haplessly bye gaping in horror ( but still clutching his gin) as pepper then heaved herself out of the fatty clay like substance and launched herself back over the dyke to see if the rabbit was in the garden..well we legged it as she kept running up to us .. the smell !!! indescribable. I was forced to catch her (PUKE PUKE )and tie her to the steading. we washed her with fairy liquid and the hose...IT WOULDNT COME OFF!! it was like fat it had stuck to her. home we marched and she had about 8 baths with warm water. still stinking. used tomato ketchup... still stinking! one week later she was still smelly .especially near radiators!! I eventually got shampoo from vets in a white bottle and after a few washes it eventually went awaythey dont sell it now and I never got its name.when we visit mr macgregors garden now I always make pepper lie under my seat..........the horror of it all still haunts me to this day..
Oh yes! That and the rotting porpoise, or was it a whale?
