I am so very sorry for your loss katiebiks (and others that have replied/posted in the last few days). I can't say I know how you feel as I've never met you and I'm not you, but I can say I have a good idea of what you are feeling.
I lost my second dog at approx 10 and a half. He wasn't a spaniel but was a smooth fox terrier. What a character he was. He was the most stubborn little soul, determined and bloody minded! But so loveable and gentle and fun at the same time. He was bought as our family dog two days after my birthday.
When he was lots older he used to walk to the top of the drive and then refuse to go much further and we had to really almost pull him along on his bottom!! He was quite over weight at this point, but still a very active chap.well I got up one morning to find him paralysed down one side of his face - a droopy lip and eye. his stomach had also begun to swell a little. I thought he had had a stroke. The vet that we saw wasn't one of my favourites at the practice we used back then, but we trusted him none-the-less. He was more concerned about his stomach and any internal complications than his one sided facial paralysis. He asked us to book him in promptly to have an exploratory op to check out the abdomen swelling up.
To this day I wish that I had listened to that nagging little doubt I had - I really thought he'd had a stroke and those animals should never be put under anaesthetic at that point. But the vet kept assuring us that it wasn't a stroke and that the abdomen was more serious.
So we booked him in for surgery. The vet performing the surgery phoned whilst he was under, to say that he had a large abcess/growth on his spleen and to remove it meant to remove the spleen. They recommended this was done, and so it was removed. We were given special food for him and the vet said only to have the said food, no tit bits or any treats etc as he said he wouldn't be able to cope with them.
He wouldn't eat any of it that night or the next morning, so he was back into the vets that day (23rd) and they gave me a different food for him. He still wouldn't eat that. Any he did try he threw up. We had been told to sugar his water, which we did but he wasn't too interested.
We had him back in to the vets on the 24th and it was the same vet we saw originally and at this point he said he really needed to be eating more or something and he actually said to offer him anything we could - he actually told me to "give him some chocolate" even, if he isn't eating the food!!
I knew it was bad then, When a vet told me to give my dog chocolate!
So he struggled along to Christmas day, then boxing day but he was getting weaker and he wasn't himself at all. On boxing day night he collapsed in the lounge and wet the floor as he had tried to get up for the toilet but couldn't hold it or move properly. He was distressed and I slept downstairs on the floor with him. At about 2.30am I called the vet on call (this time it was my favourite vet from the practice). She met me at the vets at about 3 and she said she was surprised to see how downhill he had gone since I had described his condition on the phone just half hour earlier, we had him put to sleep there and then. He went so peacefully.
We returned home and we buried him a couple days later.
This is the first time I have really discussed this, and we are now 10 years on.
I did not want another dog and we decided against it. A few months later and to my surprise I was beginning to miss the prescience of a dog around the home and I felt like I was ready for another. But not to replace Bru. I can't quite describe it.
Anyway 8 months later we got our new furbaby who is now also 10!
I'm sorry to have rambled on but, I did want to make a point - that is that......
I still feel incredibly guilty even over 10 years later, about how we lost him. Just over the course of a week or so, and such a distressing time, and at Christmas too. I think that guilt which I can feel right now writing this and the story of him, made my feelings of loss even more painful. I always wonder "what if?" I hadn't gone ahead with the op. he was happy and content before it, I so wish we had left it and let it take it's own course. But I believed at the time that the vets were right and we should trust them.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and we are all genius' when it comes to hindsight.
Although I moved on and have two gorgeous boys now, I still miss him and I would say I don't feel I was disrespectful of him by getting another. They have filled the dog shaped hole in the home and our hearts but not the Bru shaped hole he left. (well not completely) and never will.
Don't feel pressured into getting another, my advice would be to wait a while at come to terms with it first. I'm wure your family want to see you happy again and if you explain to them that it's not just a loss of a dog you feel but the loss of YOUR dog - and his personality and character. It is true they are like a family member.
Just take your time and see how you feel. It is only your decision and it can't be rushed. People deal with grief in so many ways. And you will deal with your loss in your own way.
