I hope it is OK to post on here about my beloved mum - this site was so fantastic when she was ill and helped me so much after she died, and ever since, I have posted on here about her before, so hope its ok to do it again.
I have survived a whole year without you mum. The anniversary was yesterday and I have been building up to that day trying to think really positive thoughts. I hoped that once I had passed all the one year hurdles things would start to get better. Yesterday was a funny sort of day. We did lots of things during the day, shopping, jobs round the house and a little bit of housework, and Trev took me out last night. Today we went on our first COL meet and you would have loved it - all those gorgeous dogs playing on the beach. I know you always wanted a cocker of your own, but Airedales were your first love as you had been brought up with them.
I can hardly believe a whole year has gone past. Sometimes it seems as if you have been gone for ages, other times it feels like such an incredibly short time ago.
I miss talking to you so much. To have gone from a daily phone call to nothing at all is so very hard. Even now when the phone rings, I sometimes think it will be you. I still get upset when I store up bits of news to tell you, and then realise you aren't there any more to listen. My friend at work lost her mum recently, and her mum was only 54 - which makes me realise how incredibly lucky I was to have you until you were 80.
The boys are doing ok, although PJ still finds it hard to talk to me without crying - especially this weekend. I can be strong for myself, but I can't be strong for them. We all keep in touch much more often though, which would really make you happy.
Trev has had to leave his job, so that has been a bit stressful lately, but I know he will get something sorted out soon. He is going to college at the moment to update his qualifications - that would make you smile, as you know how much he hated school! He has even persuaded me I could do a maths course - what would you think of that Mum? My maths is even worse than yours if that is possible.
Well, that's it really - I have survived a year without you, and I guess it is easier now than it was then in some ways. The worst is when I dream about you and then wake up and remember you aren't here any more.
For some weird reason, you always thought you were a really bad mum - but you weren't - you were the very best mum in the world and I will love you forever.
Take care of the dogs at the bridge - hope my little ones aren't causing too much mayhem with your lot!
