Help!!! OH wants to Breed Wherry - Now!!

[PennyB]

If he turned round and said he wanted to breed from her next season after and pending good results of all health tests, finding a suitable stud etc I could cope, I'd not be happy and disagree but I could cope. It's the blind naivety, being so ill prepared, having done no research, urgency, the stud issue etc etc

There's your compromise isn't it for you both.   Not perfect, but it could buy you some more time and keeps everybody happy in the meantime   

I agree that's your best option if he's adamant on breeding 

But it seems such a shame as he wants to do it for the sake of it really

[Tasha]

the breed them once then spay is an old fashioned view and your vet really should be reported the RVS are doing a drive to try and stop irresponsible breeding so really your vet should never have told your OH to breed at all.  Personally I'd be having a chat with the vet

Hope you get through to hubby, there really are an awful lot of unsold dogs around at the moment peoples pockets are a little lighter than they were before.  Some really good breeders are having to keep hold of dogs alot older than they should be and with xmas coming up there will be the usual round of dogs being dumped on rescue... don't envy you being in that situation at all, good luck hope you can sort it all out.  just in case there is a morning after pill for dogs might be worth an investment.

[Cazzie]

This is the reason Id NEVER get married again and let any man dictate to me what to do, Id be up and off with my dog im afraid, I could not reason with someone as miss informed  Hope you get it sorted for Wherry's sake 

[Cob-Web]

This is the reason Id NEVER get married again and let any man dictate to me what to do, Id be up and off with my dog im afraid, I could not reason with someone as miss informed  Hope you get it sorted for Wherry's sake 

Although I have strong beliefs about BYB, I am prepared to accept that other people may have just as strong, opposing views, and I am sure they are just as convinced that they are right, and that I am misinformed in my opinion 

When you love someone, you want to make them happy, so there is no "dictation"   

My OH refused to consider the possibility of another dog for 5 years after Sheba died.  I was desperate for another dog, but he made it clear that by nagging and pressuring him, I was making him unhappy - so I left him alone; I love him, and don't want to make him unhappy, and so decided to *leave it* (as he asked) 

Similarly, when I wanted a second dog; he refused. Again, he told me not to nag and badger him as it would stress him and make him unhappy; and I love him, and didn't want to make him unhappy, so I left it alone     when the time was right - he told me he was ready 

If we (as a couple)  have such opposing views about something so important, we have been able to compromise - we have managed it on all the big issues so far (religion, family & politics). 

[Jan/Billy]

When you love someone, you want to make them happy, so there is no "dictation"   

My OH refused to consider the possibility of another dog for 5 years after Sheba died.  I was desperate for another dog, but he made it clear that by nagging and pressuring him, I was making him unhappy - so I left him alone; I love him, and don't want to make him unhappy, and so decided to *leave it* (as he asked) 

Similarly, when I wanted a second dog; he refused. Again, he told me not to nag and badger him as it would stress him and make him unhappy; and I love him, and didn't want to make him unhappy, so I left it alone     when the time was right - he told me he was ready 

If we (as a couple)  have such opposing views about something so important, we have been able to compromise - we have managed it on all the big issues so far (religion, family & politics). 

But I guess we all have differing views on what's an acceptable compromise. If I wanted a dog and OH didn't, i don't think I could just leave it and hope he'd come round to the idea, we'd have to compromise and find a suitable solution so we both get a bit of what we want.Yes I love him, but he loves me too.

[Nicola]

But I guess we all have differing views on what's an acceptable compromise. If I wanted a dog and OH didn't, i don't think I could just leave it and hope he'd come round to the idea, we'd have to compromise and find a suitable solution so we both get a bit of what we want.Yes I love him, but he loves me too.

I'd be more like this as well. It's all very well someone asking you not to make them unhappy by going on at them but if it's something you really and truly are desperate for then surely you're going to be unhappy without it. To me that's not a compromise if one person is getting it all their own way and the other is making all the concessions. There's also no guarantee that they will change their mind so then what do you do - wait around for 10 years on the off chance? I couldn't do that, I'd end up resenting the other person... but that's just the way I see it, maybe I'm too selfish    but whatever works for other folk is great as long as they're happy.

[Coco]

Well, we sat down and talked about it and I think I got through to him (I hope it doesn't change as soon as he speaks to his parents) I explained all of my concerns, mostly Wherry's health, health of pups, rescue situations, future implications, reasons to and not to breed, financial issues, time issues, Wherry and pups' health again.

He says his reasons for breeding are because everyone wants one   I mentioned he could be putting Wherry's health at stake etc but he is, dare I say it, a people pleaser and just loves also that people covert and are envious of his dog.

Basically we reached the point that I have convinced him to think long and hard about it and if he still wants to go ahead it is on the following conditions;
She would have all of the health tests and if they proved anything but perfect he has agreed it would definitly go no further.

Then it comes down to thing I've asked from him to try to A. put him off B. show him how hard work and serious it should be and C. show his commitment, not a way to go along with the crowd
I would like to see a list of people who definitely would want a pup (I know this is still no guarantee but maybe when he really asks he will find for himself how non-committal people are) I'd like ideally for people to give him a deposit. Anyone who takes a pup, family or otherwise, if he does not wish to charge them they pay the going rate as a donation to rescue (again to try to ensure in someway people don't take so lightly)
I also said I'd like if He puts some serious time and effort into training her further, i.e. to prove her ability and therefore why she should be bread from as an example of the breed (I know this may be a bit stupid but again, I want it to be hard work for him if he is serious about this)

And then, under no circumstances would any of the pups end up on any free-ad or newspaper type places, that any he can't home he keeps.

I don't really know what more I can do.  

I am also very aware that not long ago I'd probably have had shared a lot of his views   Only I have taken the time to learn about it and make an informed opinion which at the least, even if his opinion remains the same, he should do also.

BTW, can anyone give me the link to that lab with hip diysplasier in rescue please?

[Cob-Web]

Well done for trying 

I am also very aware that not long ago I'd probably have had shared a lot of his views  Only I have taken the time to learn about it and make an informed opinion which at the least, even if his opinion remains the same, he should do also.

Did you tell him this? It may help him understand why you feel so strongly about it 

[PennyB]

He says his reasons for breeding are because everyone wants one  

I hear this all the time where I live, and tonight Four Paws has several litters of pups we need to find room in foster for and we're not alone

[Nicola]

That's really good Vicky, well done! I hope he takes everything you've said on board and makes sure that his family know as well in case they try anything while you're on holiday. This is Tamba's page...

http://www.freewebs.com/manytearsrescue/tamba.htm 

[wrenside]

Blimey! Thank goodness you've managed to halt any hurried proceedings! 

Well done you, Sounds like a very sensible, well though through and fair plan you've decided on 

Definitely buy him 'the book of the bitch' by Jim Evans for Christmas and make him read it from cover to cover. This book is extremely informative and really tells it how it is. There's a whole chapter describing all the possible problems etc... that could crop up and how to deal with them. With every problem it describes, get him to ask himself is it worth the risk of it/and has he done everything to reduce the risk it, for the sake of breeding Wherry.
Its one hell of a responsibility, and the whelping is absolutely terrifying!, (even when you've done everything in your power to ensure a healthy pregnancy, safe delivery and genetically strong and vigorous puppies) The surges of guilt that wash over you when your gorgeous little girl looks at you in confusion when she starts having contractions and doesn't quite know what's to come, it's awful.
Breeding is a lot of hard work and can be very emotionally draining even when everything goes to plan, I can't imagine what it must be like when something goes wrong 

However, if done properly and for the right reasons then breeding a litter is incredibly rewarding, as well as tiring, stressful etc...   
You owe it to Wherry's health, and the health of her possible future puppies, to do the research thoroughly and get the health tests done as a bare minimum. 

Well done you, you are doing exactly the right thing with making your OH sit down and think it through properly, rather than rushing into anything 

By the way, if your friends and family want 'clones' of Wherry    then the way they'll most likely get a very similar dog is not from any puppies that Wherry may have, but from repeat breedings between Wherry's dam and sire.

Best wishes,
Mary x

PS: Wherry is a gorgeous girlie 





 

[PennyB]

By the way, if your friends and family want 'clones' of Wherry    then the way they'll most likely get a very similar dog is not from any puppies that Wherry may have, but from repeat breedings between Wherry's dam and sire.

This is what my thoughts are

[Coco]

I have said this, I've also said that the pups may turn out nothing like her and what then and how the sire would affect a litter.
I think i've put a halt to the proceedings for now.
I'm still concerned about it as a whole, with particular regard to her jaw.

I will see how it goes from here. I'm even scared of her being knocked out to have her hips tested!!

I feel that if he has listened to me so far, hopefully with a bit of 'drip, drip' information I can get him to listen further though he does seem quite intent 

Now to buy 'the book of the bitch'

[Tasha]

I must be a really selfish cow, whenever i have wanted a pet it has been my decision and nothing to do with my OH I do all the work I pay all the bills for them and he is not expected to take care of them or have any involvement beyond the odd walk and cuddle.  Its never been a problem and I'm afraid the dogs and my other pets have always come first. OH are easily replacable pets are my responsibility...

[emilyjw]

I guess for Coco as it's his dog it makes it a bit harder for her to make a unilateral decision. Good luck with gently persuading him,

Em x