Why do I feel so bad?

[trevandcaz]

We've had Millybelle for 4 weeks now - and as a puppy goes she's been fine.  She sleeps well at night, eats pretty much ok, and will wee and poo in the right place so long as we watch her and anticipate her needs.  She's 12 weeks old today.

But why am I not coping?

I worry about her constantly and can't hardly think of anything or anyone else.  And I feel trapped.  Trapped into this constant circle of feeding, watching, walking, playing and worrying.  I am feeling dreadfully stressed.

We are thinking we find someone else to take her on (right before Christmas for heavens sake) and although that would answer all my problems I would then feel such a failure.  She's only a dog!  Why do I feel my life has been hyjacked???

 

But I do and today I just can't get my head together at all.

Any advice would be most welcome! 

Crazy Caz

[suzysu]

Sounds to me like she is doing really well  so you must be doing the right things    Pups are very demanding and it is a very busy time of the year.

We all have times when we feel it is getting us down, I remember feeling like that with Georgie but it does get better ...promise  try and persevere and dont be hard on yourself (((hug))).

[mary w]

It's just like having a baby, you worry all the time. But it does get better and you need to learn to enjoy her.

[schapman]

I've been using the forums on the website since we got Poppy (now 6 months) but as of yet haven't posted as I feel I am someone who needs advice rather than should give it!  However I just had to reply to your post as I know exactly how you're feeling.

We got Poppy at 8 weeks.  We got married and then the day after we got back from honeymoon we picked up Poppy "the Demon" Chapman  - my husband's condition for marrying me!  Having only had an adult dog I'd not gone through the puppy stage so wasn't quite  prepared for it.

For the first few weeks of having her I was still on summer hols (I'm a teacher) and like you I felt quite trapped with in the house with the weeing / pooing / biting machine that she seemed to be.  She was adorable but exhausting and I spent the first few weeks beating myself up (metaphorically!) if she weed in the house and imagining we had a blue roan with cocker rage.

You sound very like I felt at times but I agree with the other post that you need to try and relax as you seem to be doing it all right.   I am assured by my friends with babies that its not disimilar to having a cocker puppy!  It is hard work but it does get much better and they seem to mature without you realising its happening.  Poppy is now 6 months and although still time consuming  and somewhat "spirited" as the vet described her, we really wouldn't be without her.     My OH and I used to worry far too much if we ever had to leave her for longer than 5 minutes (!) but she'd always greet us happily and wasn't at all phased.

For a while it seems they are either awake and manic or asleep but they so start to have more in between time and begin to do more pottering around and become a companion to you. Once you start going out for long walks, particularly on days like today, it starts to feel like you've cracked it (ignoring her ability to rifle through bins, throw herself at any poor victim who enters our house, and have a penchant for face licking..)

Basically hang in there.  It really is worth it and all the effort you put in when they are pups is easily given back by the love and fun they provide you with.

[kalami]

It does sound like you're doing really well, like someone else said this time of year is stressful as it is.

When we got Bella i was trying to write an assignment - I'm surprised i didn't have a breakdown. I felt confined to the kitchen, me Bella and the laptop, on toilet duties all the time! She always seemed to want and / or need attention. She wanted to be on my knee all the time, sometimes she slept other times tried to eat my papers and books. I felt i couldn't leave the room, the house work then got on top of me, me and hubby never had any time together! Worry was my middle name - everything worried me and I'd get stressed thinking i was a bad mum.

I must say it gets easier, so much so that you actually forget how hard work and stressful it was. Bella nearly six months now and is a joy to have, sleeps all night, likes her lies in more than us i think, is toilet trained, on the whole does what i ask, still loves to sit on my knee, will sit quietly with a toy or chew whilst we're in the lounge watching T.V. (something i thought i would never say) will quite happily amuse herself if we're doing other things.

My best friend has had three kids and two puppies and she says looking after a puppy is harder work than looking after a baby!

I myself am trying to write another assignment and yet again nearly having a breakdown (will i ever learn not to write assignments at the last minute, to do my Xmas shopping earlier and not to invite everyone round for Xmas lunch), however Bella is sat next to me having a snooze  . i  just wish i could train her to brew up!

[jakesmum]

I agree with everything said so far. I, too, was frequently reduced to tears and spent most of my time being bitten, scratched, trying to prevent damage to Jake and the house when on his frequent 'wall of death' episodes. I was also kept up most nights so was exhausted too. And yes, I too became convinced that Jake had cocker rage....until I read several posts that made me realise that what was happening was completely normal.

A couple of months on and Jake is an absolute delight. Ok, so it's probably the calm before the storm of the 'kevin' stage, but at last I can really enjoy him and can't believe how much he has enriched my life. And if I was to get another dog (which I very likely will at some point) it will definitely be another cocker!

Hang on in there - it doesn't last forever. You do sound as if you're doing really well.

Good luck.

[Ben's mum]

I took me weeks and weeks before i started to get any pleasure from Ben and spent a lot of time thinking 'what have we done!'
I was worried all the time, seemed to spend hours cleaning up the mess he had created and genrally didn't cope well with a puppy.

Worst thing was feeling guilty as i didn't 'love' him like I thought I would.  OH said he loved him instantly - but then he was just doing the cuddles not the cleaning up and rushing home from work to let him out!

However after a couple of months i gradually fell in love with him, then one day realised he was just the most special thinng in my life (appart from OH obviously )  I was completly shocked at what I felt for him and how much my life had changed since he arrived and now he is my whole world .

Hang in there - its not always a bundle of fun for everyone straight away but I'm sure it will get better and better until you have the relationship you want with him.  It can be stressfull reading everyones posts about how wonderful their pup is if you don't feel the same about yours, but it comes given time.

Good luck and give it a bit longer if you posssibly can hopefully you'll see why its worht it in a few more weeks

Bens mum

[chickrockguitar]

My pup is the same age. 12wks today. I tell you, he's reduced me to tears a few times in the 4 weeks that I've had him. As I'm doing 95% of looking after him on my own. Hang in there it DOES get better. The more they grow up and stop weeing the house, the less stressful it is. Although just 12 weeks, Marlee now knows to go outside most of the time, but all dogs are different, and yours will get the hang of it. I've felt like a wanted to murder him at times, but the more they grow up the more you will love them. I do know that it does get you down. And as some one said, Christmas time is stressful without a puppy. You've come this far, you can do it.

[Vino tinto !]

Oh please !!! I agree with everything everyone has said !!  I have found it particularly exhausting, as I am chronically ill and hooked up to oxygen 24/7 !!   Yes, I have shed tears and thought I've done the wrong thing having a puppy, but stop and think,she will get better,she will curl up on your lap and sleep,she will stop biting,she will pee in the garden and not on your bed,she will lie in in the morning,she will give you soooo much pleasure it will be indescribable (sp) Hang in there,I did and the joy of having a cocker spaniel is beyond believe,even with all hard bits !! My beautiful daughter is expecting her first baby in March,I wanted a dog but I had to be sure of it's temperament, I can put my hand in my puppies mouth now and she will let me do it !! My Tilly is just adorable even though she might drive me batty,I don't know where I would be without her. Slow down,enjoy your dog,learn to breathe and go with the flo !! I hope you all will be so happy soon. xx

[bibathediva]

it will pass...it will pass..it will pass...is the mantra you should repeat everyday..cause it will  its a phase nearly everybody goes through
I'm on my second pup who is also 12 weeks old.. my other dog is 16 months and i even though i have been through it all before it still gets very stressful ,overbearing and you ask yourself why..why..why did i get a pup....but hand on heart it does get better,easier and more fun 

i just break it down into blocks in my mind of..sleeping through the night..done..next one....toilet trained..done..next one...getting them out and about..done..next one..stopping the biting stage..done..next one..etc 
remember these are all steps forward you are taking..so you are moving forward and you will continue to do so

[trevandcaz]

Just got back from the Carol Service to read all your helpful and positive comments.

Thank you so much - it is really appreciated and I feel that I have friends who care.  I will begin to take one day at a time and look forward to getting to know Millybelle better as she grows and becomes a special part of our family.

Many thanks.
Caz

[Cazzie]

Ecco lots of what has been said already  You have taken on a real life living body, who rely's on you for abs everything, this stage does pass and very quickly, but it is a constant job. I think you should relax as dogs sense tension of all aspects and just enjoy your wee 

I have Otter who is 10 weeks next week and although he is not a handful (at the moment)  I am enjoying everyday with him and am amazed at just how quickly he is developing, I dont want to miss a minit of it  I also want to do the right thing by him in his training/feeding and lots of other things as sometimes it can be harder work later if we give up on them now 

Keep up the good work and you wil certainly reep the benefits when she gets into adulthood 

[Sian P]

Just seen this thread and agree with everything that's been said. I remember back in the summer when we got Murphy I was feeling trapped. I hadn't been out for days and when I finally went out for 5 mins to the shop I felt like I'd come out from being buried alive! Then I spent that brief time I was gone worrying about Murphy then hurrying to get back! Now he's 6 months I can't believe how quickly time goes and how much easier it is now. There are new things I worry about as he gets older but thats because I love him and want the best for him just like I do for my children. Keeping glued to the advice on here kept me going! Good luck  

[hle]

I'm so glad that you have posted this, as I'm sure others are. I bet most of us feel like this but daren't admit it. I desperately wanted a dog for as long as I can remember, OH always said no. Then this summer after me and our 8 year old daughter pleading he finally gave in and said yes. Condition was that we do everything. Fine I thought but don't think I quite realised how much work that meant along with 2 kids, a rabbit, a guinea pig, a goldfish, a house, a business and a part-time teaching job. Many a night I've been secretly in tears with the biting, the early mornings, the cleaning muddy pawprints off the floor, the constant demands of a puppy. Only problem was that I didn't want anyone to say "told you so". So I kept quiet. I've tried to love Cody despite all this and that has been the easy part. No matter what he does, he only has to look at me with those cocker eyes and I'm won over.
The light at the end of the tunnel is that it does get better and the lovely moments happen more than the bad moments now. Cody is 24 weeks and I'm really starting to enjoy him no more crying (except for in fits of laughter at his cocker ways). Hang in there Cocker Spaniels are the most loving and loyal dogs you could own and you will get rewarded over and over for this relatively short puppy stage. I found that puppy training classes were a godsend, when Cody bites and we say leave he does now listen and stop biting. This has taken time but the hard work is now paying off. The worrying doesn't go away. She is your baby and you'll always worry about her goes with the territory of being a mum.
 Sorry for the long post but when I read this I could identify with it so much.
Good luck and keep posting for advice and to keep us updated.

[Nicola]

Hang in there. My opinion on puppies is that they are lovely to look at and cuddle but I'd be happy enough never to actually have another one ever again! Alfie, my first cocker, is the only one I got at 8 weeks, Tilly came here at 2 as a rescue and I got Rodaidh from his breeder at 6 months and boy did it make a huge difference. It's completely natural to have 'oh my god what have I done??' moments so don't feel bad about it as getting your first puppy really is a big lifestyle change and shock to the system; but if you persevere through the puppy stage it really does get much easier, and, in my opinion, much more pleasurable and rewarding as well