Author Topic: Desperate - please read  (Read 4273 times)

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Offline phoenix

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #30 on: February 28, 2021, 07:41:06 PM »
Does anyone do Husband training?   I know what you both feel with this added stress.  I got the ‘it’s me or the dog’ stand off. The dog stayed naturally, and the cave man sulked. He wasn’t brought up with dogs, and had no empathy. Wouldn’t listen to my dog training techniques, from the basic eye contact on.  He likes my scruffy terrier because of the one in Just William books, but is still a zombie on walks, casually holding a lead with a couple of fingers.
Cockers and tears go together
RIP Marti  the EPI springer age 12,  and beloved black cocker Bobby, 8 yrs old, too soon, from PLN.
Now owned by TInker, tiny hairy grey poodle/terrier rescue from Greece and Jack, local rescue,   scruffy ginger terrier mutt.

Offline ips

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #31 on: February 28, 2021, 07:54:57 PM »
PS
I just had my wife read the OP post without reading any replies incl my own and her take on it was exactly same as mine with no prompting from me.
Muddling along in the hope that one day it all makes sense.

Offline ejp

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #32 on: February 28, 2021, 08:24:58 PM »
Both Phoenix and IPS make extremely valid points.

Offline Mudmagnets

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #33 on: February 28, 2021, 10:53:29 PM »
Do other members feel, as I do, that this thread should be merged with the one of the same title (and by the same OP) in Behaviour and Training, that way it would be easier for all concerned to keep up with posts and advice given to poster as this is an incredibly difficult subject.
Remembering Smudge 23/11/2006 - 3/8/2013, and Branston 30/8/14 - 28/10/22 both now at the Bridge.

Offline bizzylizzy

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #34 on: March 01, 2021, 06:40:14 AM »
Do other members feel, as I do, that this thread should be merged with the one of the same title (and by the same OP) in Behaviour and Training, that way it would be easier for all concerned to keep up with posts and advice given to poster as this is an incredibly difficult subject.

Yes, I thought the same. The poster hasn‘t come back however, I do hope we haven‘t lost her....

Offline Joules

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #35 on: March 01, 2021, 09:50:58 AM »
Do other members feel, as I do, that this thread should be merged with the one of the same title (and by the same OP) in Behaviour and Training, that way it would be easier for all concerned to keep up with posts and advice given to poster as this is an incredibly difficult subject.

Yes, I thought the same. The poster hasn‘t come back however, I do hope we haven‘t lost her....

Good idea - I'm on it!

I have merged the two topics on this subject into this one. There may be a bit of duplication, but at least it's all in the same place  ;)
Julie and Watson

Offline Kiki90

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #36 on: March 02, 2021, 08:21:52 PM »
Hello everyone

I’m sorry for the sudden silence when you have all been so kind as to take time to read and comment it’s help and advice.

For an update, Mr.Watson has been at my mother in laws house on a ‘holiday’ since Sunday night. I am not wanting this to be long term and I know it maybe isn’t a wise idea in case this was to make his anxiety worse - but I needed to get some breathing space as did my Husband. Watson has been having a great time as she has a lovely rescue dog - they have been playing and keeping each other entertained. I met up with them yesterday and this evening for a walk and to say hello to Watson.

He is doing the same behaviour there as he would he , eg howling and barking when left behind the stair gate or left alone but other than that he is no ‘worse’ while on his holidays so we plan to leave him there another few days!

It has been such a difficult few months , I honestly just didn’t expect this. I looked after 8 puppies from birth to 10 weeks in 2019 alongside my manager at the time as I worked from her home office - it was tough going but that was nothing compared to this one puppy.

This isn’t a couple counselling session but my goodness I don’t understand why my Husband spoke of wanting a dog and then has this attitude. He has been huffing and puffing about getting up at 6am with the dog, but the minute he’s gone he’s been getting up at 6am quite happily for exercise / running. Beggars belief


Offline Kiki90

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #37 on: March 02, 2021, 08:27:46 PM »
You have my total sympathy, I have had Cockers for 40 yrs, and currently have my older girl who is nearly 11 (topaz) who is 2, Topaz and previous dogs no problem,.. leaving travelling, anxiety etc etc, Amber our youngest is very clingy with me , and gets distraught if I go out , altoh I admit not as bad as yours sounds, but the upshot is, everything I do I feel I have to rush through or get back, she whinges all the time, howls sometimes, and I have felt very low this week as I feel my life is now virtually over and I am a prisoner to this dog, she doesnt travel well, she has a high prey drive so frequently disappears on walks causing me great heartache, on a lead she pulls and I feel as tho I am spoiling her walks by keeping her on a lead, so usually relent, then spend 1/2 hr trying to find her. She suffers from allergies so my days seem to be spent trying to work out her diet, which she will promptly leave.....and yes I have been in tears and got to the point I actually didnt want her to come back when she ran off today....I am so desperate to get my life back, instead of it being a daily grind o moidering about some aspect of her, I would give my life for her she is the most loving and adorable dog but I am  65 I just cant cope with her disobedience , she can be a yard away from me and just wot respond, if she is on a scent she is off, o one occasion crossing a main road, and but for lock-down and less traffic would almost certainly have been killed. I too am at my wits end, my Hubby seems to get great pleasure from my misery, I think he regards it as punishment for having dogs, which he was willing to have ..until they are problematic (mostly cause by him), he wouldnt entertain the cost of any form of training as he doesnt walk them so doesnt have a problem, If I am REALLY honest, I have seriously considered walking out and not coming back on more than one occasion, sick of it all and no support whatsoever....Sorry not much help but just to let you know I totally understand how you feel and totally sympathise

Goodness me, I am sorry to hear this. I completely empathise with the feeling of being trapped - believe me! For 2.5 months I haven’t been able to even stand up from my chair without triggering an anxious response and whining from Watson. I feel awful to say it but it’s been exhausting and really not the experience we expected when taking a dog home. Of course you have to take the bad with the good and the happy moments make you forget for a time what the issues are but it really does take it’s toll doesn’t it?

Watson has absolutely zero recall. For a dog who is incredibly food driven in the house, as soon as we leave the front door to go for a walk he has no interest at all in his treats no matter what I have tried. It’s been extremely difficult to train him as he is so scent driven and for a show cocker I suspect he has a working line as he is prey driven too. He pulls so hard on the lead that walking is not enjoyable , he would be happier off the lead but the one time we did let him off he took off at rapid speed and wasn’t seen again until 45 minutes later. Even then it took ages to catch him as he was leaping about in front of us as if to say ‘ catch me if you can! ‘

A lot of people have recommended behaviour therapy to me, which you could maybe look into in the hope of regaining some more freedom if you have a bit of a more relaxed , less anxious pup on your hands! But the road seems so long when you are just at the starting line and already feeling down trotted and tired!

Offline Kiki90

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #38 on: March 02, 2021, 08:31:04 PM »
I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination but this is how I read the situation....you say your husband has no bond with Watson and presumably as such shows little if any affection. Could it be that Watson picks up on this and is desperate for your husband to like him, what you see as an obsession with him is actually a cry for affection from the dog. Imo Watson is following him everywhere in order to befriend him. A very wise man who was a member of this group (Jeff...RIP) once told me via a PM chat that cockers hate to be ignored and that for them being ignored was the very worst form of correction.....that's my take on your situation.

Hi ips’ thank you for your thoughts and comments. I can’t even begin to say how much this forum has helped in terms of advice and being a sounding board. I completely appreciate where you are going with this, I had thought similar before... however my Husband does tend to give Watson a lot of attention despite his moans and groans as he is a softy at heart really and also he has me watching him to make sure he’s making an effort! Watson enjoys cuddles with him between work calls and lays with him on the couch at night. He also lays on his feet during the day while he is working from home however as someone mentioned, this may be fuelling the attention needing behaviour!  :huh: :embarassed:

Offline ips

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #39 on: March 03, 2021, 09:42:26 AM »
I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination but this is how I read the situation....you say your husband has no bond with Watson and presumably as such shows little if any affection. Could it be that Watson picks up on this and is desperate for your husband to like him, what you see as an obsession with him is actually a cry for affection from the dog. Imo Watson is following him everywhere in order to befriend him. A very wise man who was a member of this group (Jeff...RIP) once told me via a PM chat that cockers hate to be ignored and that for them being ignored was the very worst form of correction.....that's my take on your situation.

Hi ips’ thank you for your thoughts and comments. I can’t even begin to say how much this forum has helped in terms of advice and being a sounding board. I completely appreciate where you are going with this, I had thought similar before... however my Husband does tend to give Watson a lot of attention despite his moans and groans as he is a softy at heart really and also he has me watching him to make sure he’s making an effort! Watson enjoys cuddles with him between work calls and lays with him on the couch at night. He also lays on his feet during the day while he is working from home however as someone mentioned, this may be fuelling the attention needing behaviour!  :huh: :embarassed:

Hi
Well it's an interesting one then 🙄 maybe it's just become a learned behaviour somehow. Maybe he will grow out of it. I remember my WC being an absolute pain at six months having said that she still is 🤣
Muddling along in the hope that one day it all makes sense.

Offline Kiki90

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #40 on: March 03, 2021, 04:29:43 PM »
I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination but this is how I read the situation....you say your husband has no bond with Watson and presumably as such shows little if any affection. Could it be that Watson picks up on this and is desperate for your husband to like him, what you see as an obsession with him is actually a cry for affection from the dog. Imo Watson is following him everywhere in order to befriend him. A very wise man who was a member of this group (Jeff...RIP) once told me via a PM chat that cockers hate to be ignored and that for them being ignored was the very worst form of correction.....that's my take on your situation.

Hi ips’ thank you for your thoughts and comments. I can’t even begin to say how much this forum has helped in terms of advice and being a sounding board. I completely appreciate where you are going with this, I had thought similar before... however my Husband does tend to give Watson a lot of attention despite his moans and groans as he is a softy at heart really and also he has me watching him to make sure he’s making an effort! Watson enjoys cuddles with him between work calls and lays with him on the couch at night. He also lays on his feet during the day while he is working from home however as someone mentioned, this may be fuelling the attention needing behaviour!  :huh: :embarassed:

Hi
Well it's an interesting one then 🙄 maybe it's just become a learned behaviour somehow. Maybe he will grow out of it. I remember my WC being an absolute pain at six months having said that she still is 🤣

I think it’s possibly learnt - we did get him slightly later I suppose than what maybe other dog owners did eg he didn’t arrive with us until 4 months. I think he was possibly never left on his own before hand and maybe even had his litter mates for company so now he just can’t cope with the loneliness! Ah I just love him and the personality he has it’s just so incredibly difficult when you feel completely trapped and unable to do anything without it being a mission!

Offline ejp

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #41 on: March 03, 2021, 09:43:31 PM »
Definitely one of those times when you really wish they could speak!  I was thinking about Watson since you last posted, and I did wonder about companionship. Aside from protesting when he is 'behind bars'  :005: do you think he is generally more settled and happier with his doggy friend in the mix?  You may well be onto something when you talk about him possibly having siblings for companionship until now. I definitely think this is fixable, and not wishing to be disrespectful, you will need a behaviourist to help.

Offline ips

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #42 on: March 03, 2021, 10:37:19 PM »
I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination but this is how I read the situation....you say your husband has no bond with Watson and presumably as such shows little if any affection. Could it be that Watson picks up on this and is desperate for your husband to like him, what you see as an obsession with him is actually a cry for affection from the dog. Imo Watson is following him everywhere in order to befriend him. A very wise man who was a member of this group (Jeff...RIP) once told me via a PM chat that cockers hate to be ignored and that for them being ignored was the very worst form of correction.....that's my take on your situation.

Hi ips’ thank you for your thoughts and comments. I can’t even begin to say how much this forum has helped in terms of advice and being a sounding board. I completely appreciate where you are going with this, I had thought similar before... however my Husband does tend to give Watson a lot of attention despite his moans and groans as he is a softy at heart really and also he has me watching him to make sure he’s making an effort! Watson enjoys cuddles with him between work calls and lays with him on the couch at night. He also lays on his feet during the day while he is working from home however as someone mentioned, this may be fuelling the attention needing behaviour!  :huh: :embarassed:

Hi
Well it's an interesting one then 🙄 maybe it's just become a learned behaviour somehow. Maybe he will grow out of it. I remember my WC being an absolute pain at six months having said that she still is 🤣

I think it’s possibly learnt - we did get him slightly later I suppose than what maybe other dog owners did eg he didn’t arrive with us until 4 months. I think he was possibly never left on his own before hand and maybe even had his litter mates for company so now he just can’t cope with the loneliness! Ah I just love him and the personality he has it’s just so incredibly difficult when you feel completely trapped and unable to do anything without it being a mission!

Sound's like yours is an extreme example of a normal cocker trait. My one is on me all day I can't go anywhere without out her and if  I do she ain't happy, she just has to be with me all the time. I just accept that you "wear" a cocker.
Muddling along in the hope that one day it all makes sense.

Offline rubyduby

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Re: Desperate - please read
« Reply #43 on: March 15, 2021, 04:38:10 PM »
As regards litter mates, our girl who is now 2 we thought would be fine with our other Cocker Spaniel, and tho after initial disbelief Topaz has settled beautifully with her and they get on like a house on fire....but even so when we go out she sits and yodels, doesnt help that we go out rarely, (both retired)so she doesnt really get the chance to get used to it.