When do you get another dog dilemma

[rubyrules]

Hi I really am struggling with this so any advice or experience would be really appreciated 
As you may or may not be aware we lost ruby last week. She was 11 years old and filled our home and hearts with such love. I appreciate it's very early days but we can't imagine a cocker-less!
I have so many questions like...
Am I getting a dog for the right reasons, or am I just trying to fill a void? Will I compare this new little fur baby to Ruby and is that fair? Will it live up to our expectations, will we live up to his/hers?
At the minute I work part time and my daughter who is planning to move out late next year has regular breaks and alternative days off, so from a being at home point of view, it works really well to ensure that a new cocker would get the time it deserves.
My OH feels we should take time and grieve but the emptiness breaks my heart and I miss her more with the quietness.
What did you do, or what would you do in my situation? Am I being too hasty?
Lastly and I apologise for the long post. Is it bad to get the same colour and sex, or should I go for a different one completely? Thank you for any advice you could give.

[PaulJ]

That’s a tough one.

When our last pup passed we took time out.  We waited far too long! I don’t think there is a right and wrong and everyone’s circumstances are different. Trust your gut instinct but do take time to grieve to make sure your household is ready for a new family member.

[henrys mum]

There's no right or wrong time its what feels right for you. When Sam our blue roan passed away, the house felt empty shoes were where we left them and I even missed going for walks after work in the dark and rain. I cried every day for 3 weeks.

My daughter worked with someone who went to showcraft and heard through her a golden cocker had been returned to the breeder. Four weeks after Sam died Henry came home with us. Yes we did compare them and it did take time to really bond with Henry and it was hard getting used to a new puppy again but would it have been any differant if we had waited longer?

Pat xx

[Charlottemfoster]

I’m kind of in the same dilemma. We lost Oliver 5 weeks ago, I’ve shed tears everyday since, so many reminders of him everywhere, he was like my shadow. We have so many lovely walks near us but just don’t feel like walking without him. He was our 3rd cocker. We had Sonny first a Golden cocker then when he was two we got Drizzle, a blue roan Cocker, when Sonny then Drizzle passed, my husband was adamant we weren’t getting another dog!!! So much upset.  But 4 month later he changed his mind, after going on holiday and seeing so many cockers everywhere. Hence 4 months later Oliver came home. His mother was a blue roan his father a orange roan, and we did think about getting one of his orange roan brothers, but no we had to pick Oliver a blue roan very similar in markings to Drizzle but a very different dog, they’ve all had such big personalities though.  So when Oliver passed my husband and I have decided we are definitely getting a puppy, (probably blue roan) we have so much love to give and know he will have a happy life. We have a holiday planned for September so hopefully after we return, the fun and trauma will start all again.

I know we’re not replacing Oliver, no dog ever could.

[ejp]

We lost two dogs close together (9 days) and couldn't contemplate another dog.  However, around 15 months after that we were asked to foster a very timid, scared and aggressive cocker.  We didn't we adopted her    Personally, I was reluctant, hubby, less so. But once we met her there was no going back.  There are no rules, no right or wrong.  It will happen when it's right and you will know.  And just to add, our timid scared cocker is a spoilt pampered madam who rules the roost  Aggressive, no, just worried about things and tends to shout a lot. 

[bizzylizzy]

Have faith in your own instincts, there are absolutely no rules in bereavement, it is really important that you follow your heart and do what feels right for YOU!
No two dogs are the same, you‘re not trying to replace Ruby, you couldn‘t  even if your tried, she still holds a special place in your heart and that wouldn‘t change. Love isn‘t rationed and you‘ve obviously still got more than enough to go round. Whether you decide to have another dog that looks the same is personal choice but I would think if you had any doubts about how you might feel, then  go for another colour but all dogs have their strengths and weaknesses, as do people, and you‘d accept the „faults“(for want of a better word) and rejoice in the strongpoints of a new dog in the same way as you did with Ruby, I can‘t imagine any comparisons you might make would influence your feelings and love  for either of them.
I did wait quite a long time between my dogs but that was more down to circumstance than anything else.  A friend of mine, a dog trainer, lost her old dog recently that sh’d d had for 14 years, she went to the dog home the following day and came home with a young rescue dog. I personally couldn‘t have done that but she felt it was right, she adored the old dog and is besotted with the new one, so for her, it was the right thing to do.
I would just giive yourself a bit of time but keep your eyes open and when the right dog comes along, you‘ll be ready and will know.
I wish you all the best, be kind and patient with youself and  do keep us posted!

[lescef]

We waited a year between our first and second cocker and two years between our second and third as we were still working full time.  The yearning for a dog during these times never went away!
I don't think that you are filling a void but a great honour to Ruby that you want another dog. Each dog has a very different personality so I don't think you would compare them in a negative way. Also, having a puppy after eleven years will keep you on your toes!
I would look straight away but fully understand some people feel they can't do that - everyone is different.
I think  time is needed to get over the shock but once you have adjusted maybe take some time looking around and find some breeders.
 I'm a great believer in fate and there could be a little puppy just waiting for you when you are ready. Take care. X

[Jaysmumagain]

I can say from my heart that this dilemma is something that I shared when Jay passed and also when my previous boy died.  My OH felt we should wait after my westie died, I say mine because he was mine prior to my marriage and OH was not his best buddy! But he, like me was devastated by his loss.  I sobbed each time I opened the door and my boys were not there....so very hard, and I feel for you.

I honestly can say that you can never replace them - never.  Each one has there own character and they need your love and attention.  Yes you may be filling the void but not replacing them, there is not a day goes by that I don't glance at Jays photo and smile with the memories.

As I type this Ollie is curled up tight next to me - he is twelve in November and since his health scare I hold him dear.  I take each day as it comes and make the very most of it....he is my joy.
He came into my life quite by accident, the puppy I was to have died at 7 weeks old, it was just a couple of months after Jay and I was devastated.  A week later my boss rang me at 7pm telling me to switch my laptop on and check my emails from her, you can imagine I was shaking wondering what the hell I had done.
I opened the email and attachment and there was Ollie - she said what do you think!! he was 7 mths old and had just come into a rescue that her sister volunteered at.  He was mine if I wanted him....and as I was off the next day I could go and see him....you can gather my boss was quite formidable.  When I saw him I knew I had to give him a forever home, I drove home with him in the back of the car and I suddenly thought what have I done,   when I pulled on the drive OH came and lifted him out of the cage and Ollie was home

I would say that there is no right or wrong time, it is when you are ready - and it is not wrong of you to think that you want another dog in your life.  Somewhere and someday there will be a little bundle out there which will know the love that Ruby had and that will be on happy day for you both.

[ejp]

Jaysmumagain, that is a lovely story of how you and Ollie found each other    There is always room in your life for a new friend.

[Mudmagnets]

Go with your heart, you will know when the time is right. 

[Ben's mum]

So sorry about your loss of Ruby  as others have said there is no right or wrong time.
When we lost Ben, I would have gone out the same week and had another cocker, not to replace him but as a companion for Harry and because I think we should be a two dog family.  OH who had stopped working to look after Ben in his last year couldn't face another dog so quickly so we didn't and I regret that a lot.   

Its been two years now and still no pup. Now Harry is 10 and very content being an only dog and I have the dilemma that the gap is too long for him to adjust to a new dog.  So for my OH and Harry's sake we will stay a one dog family.

I think you have to follow your heart and circumstances, there is no right or wrong way to do it and you are not replacing Ruby you are just sharing the love you have for cockers, with another lucky spaniel and that can never be wrong 

[PennyB]

As others suggest there are no rules.

I lost Lady in awful circumstances last summer so grief was horrendous along with the guilt. However I began fostering again - he was a 46kg oldie lab and he was a wonderful healer.

I knew I could only really get an adult dog from four paws as Bosley is hard work meeting dogs he doesn't know for 1st time so I know rescue I foster for trust my instincts with dogs that come in.

I was then offered a cocker pup about 6 months old but it felt the wrong time then along came Jasper who I fully intended to rehome elsewhere but everything about him felt he was the sort of dog I wanted and he fit in very well so he came to stay for good.

Trust your gut - you may just come across a dog and think yes and if your gut feels that then go for it.

[rubyrules]

Thank you so much for all your replies and words of wisdom. It's 2 weeks on Thursday since we said our goodbyes to Ruby and I have cried every day. I have done little things like put her photo on the kitchen windowsill, so I can still talk to her and kiss her goodnight.  Where her food bowls used to go we have put a picnic hamper and filled it with her favourite things, I draw the line at chicken breasts though 
I am not ready to say goodbye to her yet, if at all. So I have come to the realisation a puppy would be a knee jerk reaction  and I can't give the commitment at this time.
I am not ruling it out in the future but in the meantime I will take pleasure in reading everyone's cocker stories and the mischief they get up to not to mention the love and you they bring.
Thank you for the support   

[rubyrules]

Ooops should be Joy they bring 

[bizzylizzy]

Ooops should be Joy they bring 

Well done on being so positive! You never stop loving them but the pain does ease after a while, and one morning you’ll wake up and you’ll be ready to take the next step but there’s no rush, just take one day at a time! Wishing you all the best, do keep in touch!