CockersOnline Forum
Cocker Specific Discussion => Behaviour & Training => Topic started by: Dog Mad on April 30, 2013, 01:02:06 PM
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Hi,
Last year I posted about my cockers not getting on and fights breaking out on a daily basis. Well despite us managing them in a way to avoid the fights we decided we couldn't carry on as it meant I was spending all my time in one room with one dog and my husband with the other dog in the other room, we couldn't walk them together and I don't think either dog was happy as we couldn't let them have toys etc.
Anyway so a few weeks ago my best friend offered to have one of the dogs, we are looking at it as a long term foster really as we are maintaining all financial responsibility for him. He has settled in great and is happy there, we have kept Einstein and he is much happier, always trotting around with a cuddly toy now.
So my question is that obviously I go round to my friends house quite often, so far been twice since she has had him and he always greet me excitedly but is then happy to lie down next to my friend and he greets her and her family with equal enthusiasm. I just wonder if he thinks about me or will he be missing me at all? I feel so guilty and feel like I have let him down even though I can see he is quite happy!
I really never thought I would have to let one of them go and I don't think I could have unless it was to somenoe who I knew and trusted.
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Sounds like the perfect solution to me. I am sure both dogs are much happier, and therefore less likely to develop any further problems because the stress they would have been under living in the same house.
My dogs always greet my extended family with as much enthusiam as they greet me, so i shouldnt be concerned about that.
I wouldnt worry about whether he misses you or not, i am sure you have made the best decision for all concerned.
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I am sure if he was missing you or unhappy with the arrangements he would have made it known, no doubt he will love you always but the new life must be less stressful for you both
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Dogs live in the here and now, so they don't consciously think about the past as far as I know. The fact that he's very pleased to see you when you visit but then settles down makes me feel sure that he's happy, settled and secure in his new home.
It sounds like you made a good and brave decision for both dogs in letting him go to your friend. It's removed all the tensions they were both feeling, so please don't feel guilty :bigarmhug:. You did the very best for your dogs and they're both now feeling happy and secure again. When any of us gets a second dog we have no way of knowing how it will work out, so you couldn't have foreseen the fighting and you've managed to find a solution that has made both dogs happy again, so well done :luv:
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Dogs live in the here and now, so they don't consciously think about the past as far as I know. The fact that he's very pleased to see you when you visit but then settles down makes me feel sure that he's happy, settled and secure in his new home.
It sounds like you made a good and brave decision for both dogs in letting him go to your friend. It's removed all the tensions they were both feeling, so please don't feel guilty :bigarmhug:. You did the very best for your dogs and they're both now feeling happy and secure again. When any of us gets a second dog we have no way of knowing how it will work out, so you couldn't have foreseen the fighting and you've managed to find a solution that has made both dogs happy again, so well done :luv:
Couldn't agree more. You had their best interests at heart. Who knows you might all be able to do out for a walk together further along the line.
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Dogs are very adaptable and they don't dwell on things like humans do. It sounds like you have made the right decision and he is settling well in his new home. I know exactly how you feel because I've been in the same situation with two fighting male dogs and in the end I was left with a choice between all of us being unhappy and living on eggshells or rehoming one of them, so Alfie went to live with Mike and Diane (Cockertime Blues on here). I didn't go to see him for about 6 months afterwards as I wanted to give him time to settle in and me time to adjust as well but I was in regular contact with Diane, who is absolutely wonderful. I could never have let Alfie go just anywhere or to anyone I wasn't totally happy with but I was so lucky that Mike and Diane were able to have him and I could see how happy he was with them and how well he settled in. It's been over 4 years now and although when I do see Alfie he always seems very happy to see me I think that's just his happy chappy personality; Diane is 'Mum' and I wouldn't want it to be any other way :luv:
It's natural to feel guilty though; I know Alfie and Rodaidh were both so much happier when no longer forced to live under the same roof - they had a real personality clash and even now they still don't like each other - but I will always feel a bit of sadness that it didn't work out as I'd planned with them. Of course I missed Alfie, but that got easier with time and knowing that he's so happy; I really do think that things worked out the absolute best way they could have in our situation. It's such a difficult and heartbreaking decision to have to make and at the time it can be hard to see the wood from the trees and be sure that you've done the right thing but it does get easier with time. You can never foresee this situation coming and hard as it is for us you have to do the right thing for the welfare of the dogs and it sounds like that's what you have done :bigarmhug:
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I don't think you have let your dog down at all - in fact the opposite, you have put his happiness and welfare above your own. It sounds like you have found a solution that works for you all. I am glad you can still see him so you know he is well cared for and loved. :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug:
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What a courageous decision. :clapping: And one that seems to have benefited both dogs and two families as well.
Now THAT'S the true mark of a responsible and caring dog owner. Putting their needs before your own feelings.
Very well done.
Bob.
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Agree you've done the right thing. I had to rehome my poodle last year but now i know she is happy in her new home i have accepted that i did do the right thing. It wasnt fair on her or my other dogs to keep her with us, no matter how upset i was. You will come to feel the same and know you did all you could do and at least you get to see your dog and have some contact with them.
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before we got into dogs we kept cats. We had one who after having kittens became miserable and anorexic. she was a gorgious silver tabby but I could not make her happy. a neighbour of ours had taken a shine to her and when they decided to move into the country they took her with them ( i knew she would be happier as a cat on her own) The thing that makes me laugh most is that the ladies partner was allergic to cats but she give him the choice of staying or moving along with her and bunty. sadly bunty is at the rainbow bridge catching up with her old friends but i do know she was alot happier in her new life as we remained in contact.
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Please don't ever beat yourself up about this - it sounds like Murphy is happy and will always be pleased to see you :luv:
You have removed a very stressful situation from both of their lives and put their needs before yours - a truly caring owner and I admire you for this :bigarmhug:
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Sounds like the perfect situation I agree with all that's been said, and it is true dogs do live in the moment and don't have the emotions which we have, I know how hard it is though I went through a rehoming of my border terrier, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done, I relinqished her to the border terrier rescue I kept her until they had found her a home, and I felt so bad I pleaded to have her back and was inconsolable but it was the right thing for her at that time. I did think I would never get over it, but I did she is doing well in her new home, and along came Archie and for all his challenges is my lovely little man and has helped me enormously.
Sometimes the hardest thing but the right thing is to do what is right for your situation and mostly as you have done what is right for the dog or dogs in your case. Im sure he will always remember and have a special place in his heart for you as you have for him, but it's lovely that he has settled in so well.
The main thing now is to move forward and enjoy the fact that you can still visit him and have a happier situation.
Well done.
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Thanks for all your lovely comments. I was speaking to my friend at the weekend and I was saying how surprised at how quickly he has settled there and she was saying she was surprised at how quickly she has fallen in love with him! :luv: He is her first dog and I think she didn't realise the bond between owner and dog. Anyway I saw Morgan and he gave me lots of kisses and cuddles, so he obviously doesn't hold a grudge, he was equally loving with my friend aswell so all is good. She updates me with regular pics on Facebook of all the lovely walks he is having and it appears he is having a ball!
Thanks again
Debbie
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Sounds like he has the best of both worlds
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I've only just seen this as was wondering how you were getting on with things. I'm glad both Einstein and Morgan are happy now and even though it must have been a really hard decision- it sounds as if it has all worked out for the best.
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You rehomed Murphy for the very very best of reasons, so well done.
Diane, who is absolutely wonderful.
Couldn't agree more :005:
Anyway, to finish the story off - there are worse things than rehoming. Poor Alfie jumped from the frying pan into the fire. At the time Alfie came we had another cocker, Mollie, whom we'd had for a few years and, although she'd lived with our old lab amicably for all that time, she took a dislike to Alfie. Unfortunately, poor Mollie (a private rehome) had had a poor start in life and, while lovable, was a damaged little girl. She became more and more stressed and unhappy and took it out on Alfie and the fights ended up being serious. We had a very good behaviourist in, but the downward spiral continued and even Mike realised things couldn't go on as they were. We thought it would be unfair to rehome Alfie yet again for simply being a good dog and Mike hoped Mollie would do OK in a home where she'd be an only dog, so DGCR (where I volunteer) took her in. As I had feared, she failed all her temperament assessments because of her aggression towards humans and it was decided that she was too unsafe to rehome. So after living with her for 5 years we had her PTS. Our scars have faded now and I realise this is not a decision everyone could make (and I hope they'd never have to), but it was the right decision for us.
So we all have our woes, but on to the happy ending. After 6 months or so Mike got over never wanting another dog after Mollie, and we got Genie via Nicola (who is almost as wonderful as me) and Hearing Dogs. That was a year or so ago and Genie and Alfie are the best of pals, though Genie's first love will always be our cat. So far we're living happily ever after and all 3 are cuddled up on the sofa as I type.