Feeling very low today as this should have been Merlins fifth birthday and his first one with us. Its 5 days until Lilys 1st gotcha day (which would have been his too) so its going to be a bad week for me. I miss him a lot still and lately have been getting really upset about him, more than I did after his accident. I miss his zest for life and his soulful big brown eyes. I miss how he and Lily used to play together like best buds and I even miss him zooming off for ages on walks. He was such a character and I still cant beleive the way he left us. I still feel like I let him down and I'll never forget the way I felt when I found him collapsed. I may as well have been stabbed through the heart as thats how it felt. Merlin you were my big handsome boy and I love you. Hope you're okay and have some friends to play with you and chase you around the bridge. Me and Lily will come and find you one day xxx
