Author Topic: Too soon  (Read 1234 times)

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Offline jarchie

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Too soon
« on: December 21, 2019, 05:39:48 PM »
I haven’t posted on here for years but am wracked with guilt after my decision to put my lovely boy to sleep on Monday.

He had cancer, an enlarged liver, he was anaemic and was on medication to try and maintain his platlate levels. He was in and out of the vets virtually every month with blood tests, scans and operations to have cancerous lumps removed, they grew in his mouth and around his eyes. He was diagnosed with his ailments last November when I nearly lost him through a minor operation due to his blood not clotting, then everything came to light.

The vets said in July he was very ill on paper but to look at him you wouldn’t have known.
He became deaf and was going blind and although tired loved his walks and food.

He got an upset stomach on Friday but I wasn’t worried, on Monday he took a real turn for the worse.
I took him to the vets and they put him on fluids and antibiotics for three hours but he didn’t perk up.
The vet suggested he probably wouldn’t ever fully recover due to his other issues.
I could have seen how he went over night but he may not have survived or put him to sleep.
The thought of him being scared and alone over night and not making it seemed worse than the alternative.


Since then I can’t get over the fact I should have tried and let him go over night in the hope as before that he pulled through. I know if he hasn’t made it I’d be feeling just as wretched but now I don’t know what the outcome could have been.

I’m now not sure why I made the decision so quickly and am really struggling. Please be kind even if you think I made the wrong choice but has anyone else been in the same boat regretting the decision and how did you cope? X

Offline Mudmagnets

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2019, 06:48:47 PM »
As pet owners, it is the worse decision any of us have to make, and whatever we decide I think it is fair to say it is usually the right one for the dog.

Be kind to yourself. You will find it hard enough without feeling others will judge -  I am sure they will not, who knows what each would do in the same situation. I  feel that your boy was helped in his passing by the fact you were there to comfort and say goodbye to him as he went to the bridge.

Sending some  :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: hope they help
Remembering Smudge 23/11/2006 - 3/8/2013 now at the Bridge.


Offline miss holly

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2019, 08:30:49 PM »
I just wanted to say that I completely understand how you feel. We lost our gorgeous cocker a few months ago. She had an awful condition but to others looked completely ok. I had to make an almost instant decision to have her put to sleep after she started being sick and there was a risk she would choke ( or drown).

I have replayed that day and my decision a million times but, as time has past, I realise that I shouldn't feel guilty. I adored her but I had no choice and reading your post, neither did you. It's such an awful decision to have to make and you have my every sympathy.

Please be kind to yourself. Try not to do the 'what ifs'. Both our lovely dogs were really sick.

 Every day will start to feel a little better and, in my case, I forgive myself a little more


Offline jarchie

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2019, 09:03:37 PM »
Thank you so much for the kind comments.
I expected to have longer to make the decision but it was literally minutes from when the vet told me to going back to the vets to say goodbye.
I knew it would be hard but the guilt has really taken me by surprise x

Offline miss holly

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2019, 09:21:44 PM »
I had exactly the same situation. I knew it was coming but events overwhelmed us. I also felt immense guilt for weeks but we both know we did the right thing , you just don't  FEEL that yet but you will.

Remember that you only feel this bad because you loved him so much but in the end, there is only so much we can do. I'm so very sorry that this happened x

Offline Ben's mum

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2019, 12:10:47 AM »
So very sorry to hear about your boy  :'(.
Please don't torment yourself with guilt over whether it was too soon or not, you made the decision out of love and for entirely the right reasons. There is never going to be a good day to say goodbye you just have to go with your instinct at the time, it sounds like he was a poorly boy and this way he got to spend his last moments with you  :luv:   :luv:

Thinking of you, I know just how hard it is xx

Offline bizzylizzy

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2019, 07:06:21 AM »
I can only endorse what everyone else has said. I think the feeling of guilt is a natural reaction for anyone who has ever had to make that awful final decision, its just proof of how much we love our dogs, not sure if its even guilt really but rather regret. Please please don’t beat yourself up, you did the kindest thing in the circumstances and trying to get him over the night wouldn‘t have made any difference to the final outcome, it would have probably just prolonged the stress for your boy. Once the initial shock and pain starts to subside you‘ll be able to look back and remember him with joy and gratitude. Be kind to yourself, you have nothing to feel guilty about, you did the kindest thing you could and I hope, that knowing that lots of us here understand what you‘re going through will help ease the pain a little.  :bigarmhug:

Offline jarchie

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2019, 07:20:42 AM »
Thank you, the comments are helping and are so very kind.

He was my first ever dog and I loved him so much. I feel like I can’t grieve properly because I caused this to happen and therefore don’t deserve to be upset.

These comments and time will hopefully help.

I’ve obviously read about this subject but I really wasn’t prepared for feeling like this x

Offline miss holly

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2019, 02:01:40 PM »
I also remember our lovely old vet who told me, years ago, 'better a week too early, than a day too late'.
I hope you start to heal soon x

Offline bizzylizzy

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2019, 02:18:05 PM »
I also remember our lovely old vet who told me, years ago, 'better a week too early, than a day too late'.
I hope you start to heal soon x

Very wise words!

Offline lescef

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2019, 02:51:37 PM »
I think you made the right decision.  I would have done the same.
It's just awful seeing them suffer. They can't tell us  how they feel and dogs are very stoical so we can't tell either.  The majority of owners will have to make this decision at some point and having done it twice I know how dreadful it is. Try  to remember the good times. Maybe, in the future another little cocker will come and steal your heart. Xx
Lesley, Maddie and Bramble

Offline jarchie

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2019, 06:09:26 PM »
Thank you all again for your kind comments. I really appreciate the support x

Offline ElaineH

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Re: Too soon
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2019, 10:21:50 PM »
I'm so sorry you are feeling guilty but you did exactly the right thing for your boy. He was very poorly and struggling, you saved him from continuing with a stressful and difficult situation. You loved him so much and he loved you unreservedly trusting you to always look out for him and do the very best for him that you could including knowing when to ease his pain. It's never an easy decision to make but it's the kindest and most loving final gift you could give him.  :bigarmhug: Please don't beat yourself up for helping him in his journey  :bigarmhug: Many of us have been faced with the same decision and we understand your feelings, we really do.  :bigarmhug: Take care and be kind to yourself.
"Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends"  Alexander Pope