Why do husbands not listen?

[Helen]

Looking back it took me a long time to train OH - trying to explain that dogs need consistency and that the only way Jarv would turn into a well behaved dog was to have us both training the same way took a looooong time.

Strangely, it was only when he saw me clicker training silly tricks (that OH loves showing off to his nephews  ) that he realised that if he used the same commands etc that he would get more out of Jarv.

Maybe instead of him winding her up he could teach her some clicker tricks in the evening to get her working with him 

[mcphee]

Looking back it took me a long time to train OH - trying to explain that dogs need consistency and that the only way Jarv would turn into a well behaved dog was to have us both training the same way took a looooong time.

Strangely, it was only when he saw me clicker training silly tricks (that OH loves showing off to his nephews  ) that he realised that if he used the same commands etc that he would get more out of Jarv.

Maybe instead of him winding her up he could teach her some clicker tricks in the evening to get her working with him 

Brilliant idea Livercake. Positive action, with good results for all and no "nagging" and fun for doglet.

[I love cockers]

I have an OH like that...we have had countless rows about how we should be teaching our puppy. What I find is working is when OH comes home I say 'right I have been thinking we should have a new strategy for this....' or 'I have been teaching Maya this today and want you to do the same'. It seems to be working and consistency is definitley the key with training. Introcude them all gradually...training OHs can be difficult!!!!

We are going to puppy training and have been told to teach our dog a trick....OH has decided we will teach Maya to do 'Commando crawl' and she is getting the hang of it and does look very cute - such a boy type trick though!

[Hurtwood Dogs]

So feel for you  

I think you've got to burst into tears and pour your heart out to him. You're dead right in that his rough housing will be triggering her behaviour and she will also associate him with that which is why she's gearing herself up for it before he even comes through the door..

My OH used to do it with Normy (he grew up in an all boy household with a GSD police dog that they constantly wrestled with). He didn't listen to me initially but he soon realised how much extra hassle it was to have a 30 kilo stressed out Weimaraner bouncing around him everytime he came home. He ignores her now when he comes in and she's returned to being totally chilled out all the time.

You are working so hard at the moment and so tired... could you write a list of things you want him to do and beg him to try it so you can all have some relax time?

Here are some idea's for you!

Dear Hubby
Rules:
1. Totally ignore Darcy totally when you come through the door for at least half an hour
2. Vary walk time for a while to lower her expectation and keep walks calm
3. Stop all rough housing for at least 2 months to see if there is any change (there will be without doubt so at least this way he will see it too)
4. Ignore any mouthing so it's not rewarding for her to carry on and it's a habit she can learn to drop
5. Spend quiet time loving spaniel instead of winding her up
6. Learn to talk calmly and quietly to Darcy and see how she calms down to listen to quiet comands and pays you more attention

She will be ok with your baby, but like you've said you have to get her in the right state of mind. It's hard work with a young dog and a baby (have done it twice) and the only way to manage it is to be calm and have some consistency with the dog(s)..

Really really hope he starts to listen soon

Huge hugs from me
Hannah xxx

[sharonmansfield]

What is it with men that they have to play rough, the times I see Bella all green glassy eyed barking as he slaps her butt and then she spins around, oh yes great fun!!!! Then when she wont stop barking and she is hyper its her fault. I totally sympathise as I too feel like a nagging shrew sometimes but I dont have the added stress of a new baby. I think you have been given some good ideas and also your own of having a structured evening both OH and Darcy then know what is expected. My Oh is a wonderful man too but just sometimes  Like when the dogs are bouncing on the sofa he keeps on get down, get down and they dont, I tell him make them get down if you have asked them but its the same old every day. I ask them to get down they do it first time
Good luck with this, you certainly are not alone and I could write an endless list of OH's puppy parenting skills (or lack of!!!!)
Take care love Sharon x

[Han]

thank you all!

you know, i think some of the nagging has started to sink in as he was much better tonight - and made a couple of comments that suggested he has actually been listening to me!

Livercake - he has done clicker training but seems to get a bit stuck in a rut with it. can you suggest any good tricks books or websites i could point him to?

Hannah - it's funny you posted a list of ground rules, i was thinking on our walk today that that was what was needed. she does respomd so much better to calm, quiet commands. i think she also picks up on my increased energy when he is home.

You're dead right in that his rough housing will be triggering her behaviour and she will also associate him with that which is why she's gearing herself up for it before he even comes through the door..

and this is very interesting indeed.

so, extra rules (for us both):
-games and play only in the garden or the kitchen
-no games/play when holding libby
-all games to be structured and on your terms (we are still working on the drop command    which i try to train while we play)
- NO rough games at all now
- toys to go away in box at end of game (i am guilty of leaving them around the house - when she gets silly and excited she starts throwing them about)

-no use of Darcey's name except for recall or to catch her attention when used in conjunction with a constructive command

I will add more as i think of them.
the consistency issues have been there all along, they just seem harder to deal with now. silly of me really not to address properly them before libby was born, but i guess you live and learn.

thank you all again. it's hard to admit when things aren't going perfectly  and i love them all so much 


now, if anyone has any tips for getting a 6 week old baby to sleep 

[Hurtwood Dogs]

Aw, hope it all starts to work - I can guarantee there isn't a person on this site that doesn't wish they'd done something differently with their dog(s) at one point or another I've made mistakes (sometimes massive ones) with all three of mine but.. part of the fun is learning as you go along and banking what you would and wouldn't do again 

now, if anyone has any tips for getting a 6 week old baby to sleep 

YES! I can help you with this too    Both of mine have slept reasonable well and they are very different. Tom was and is a very heavy sound sleeper.. he can fall out of bed and not wake up. Maggie is a very light sleeper and wakes everytime I go into her room to check on her but still just smiles and goes back to sleep.

There is lots you will be doing right instinctively but here are my top tips!

Always keep night feeds very dark, quiet and calm. Don't make eye contact and don't talk to her.. just quietly feed her near her cot and pop her straight back afterwards with no fuss.

I started to get both mine into bedtime routines at about 2 weeks old so that they were bathed and in bed by 7pm-ish then woke them at 10.30ish for a bottle and nappy change.. and settled them straight back to sleep - all other night feeds were just quiet dark ones with no nappy change unless really necessary.

Make sure she's getting enough sleep during the day too - mine never slept well at night if they were overtired from the day.

Tom was quite small but started sleeping from 10.30pm though to 6am ish at six weeks old - I can't remember when he dropped the 10.30pm feed though . Maggie is a big girl and kept waking once or twice during the night after the 10.30 feed until one night (she was 9 weeks old)  I was too tired to stay awake and do the 10.30 feed and she slept from 7pm though to 7am and has done ever since. I think the 10.30 feed was kick starting her digestive system and she didn't actually need it.

You will be close to things getting a lot easier now and you will start to feel human again very soon 
Lots of luck!
Hannah xxx

PS. If you are doing Gina Ford routines... don't let them get to you when it goes wrong! There are some good tips in her books but personally I found the routines unrealistic and they made it impossible to do anything else too. I did them with Tom very rigidly and think I ended up forcing him into patterns that didn't suit him, which in retrospect lead to a fretful baby I think.. I followed the basic idea of them for Mags but certainly didn't stick to rigid times or anything and she's been really relaxed and happy