I don't know what the more experienced COLers will say, but Rufus definitely behaves differently with different people. He seems to sense what is allowed. One of my male friends makes him hyper by just standing at the door. On my daughter's graduation day last year I left him at 5 am at his house. Apparently he went back to bed and fell asleep, only waking up to find Rufus in bed next to him! My female friends adore him and just want cuddles. When he goes to Bonnie's house he is quite subdued and very well behaved (now that the gerbil is no more). Generally he is a softy with women and either boisterous or reticent with men. If I know people are a little hesitant I try and control him firmly, but like you I am usually told to stop fretting. Like you, if there is a risk of him helping distribute the washing or otherwise misbehaving I use the lead, but to be honest we don't have that many places like this.
