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Struggling first time owner - help!

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ejp:
Come back this thread in 3 months time, remind yourself how you felt and appreciate how much you have moved on. You won't notice a lot of the gradual changes but they will have happened.

Mari:

--- Quote from: OffMyCocker on April 22, 2020, 10:03:03 AM ---Thanks for your replies so far everyone! I suppose with the reactivity thing, I'm just very resentful about it and about her on walks. When we were looking for a dog, our most important criteria was that the dog would be fine with other dogs on walks and not reactive, because we live in town and there are some beautiful semi-rural walks, but they're really busy with other dog walkers. We were looking at greyhounds to begin with, and we never found one because so many greyhounds see small dogs as lunch! When we found our little cocker, I thought I'd found "the one" because she'd lived in loving homes before, and the previous owner said she was always good as gold. I feel resentful because the dog I have is not the dog I was sold, as it were. I know that resentfulness isn't fair on the dog, or for DH to live with. I know I do just have to take a deep breath and accept the dog I now have, and hope that we will eventually be able to take her to the dog-friendly pubs and on the lovely walks we were hoping for!



--- End quote ---

Totally understand the frustration! I think it will be very important for you to find a way to enjoy training the dog. Do you have any areas you can walk the dog without getting too close to others? Walking or playing outside while keeping a distance big enough that she does not react will be helpful for her and for you. I think you both need to experience positive things on walks. Bring a pocketful of treats and do your best social distancing/dog training combo. Hopefully a few positive walks will give you both a better feeling about this all. She just needs to know that it is safe and you probably need to see that there is hope. So planning and setting yourself up for successful outings will make things better!

I know it's not much of a comfort now. But my dog was a nervous wreck when I got her. Terrified of people and dogs. It took patience, tons of treats and training. But she ended up coming with me to uni lectures, in crowded dog parks, on public transport, cafes and restaurants. I lived in the city center of Budapest with her and she was perfectly happy there. She will never be comfortable with strangers petting her, but is comfortable with them walking past us. She went from screaming in panic at other dogs to playing with new dogs every day. Every dog and owner is different, but with time and training most problem behaviours can be improved. Especially when insecurity is the main problem  ;)

OffMyCocker:
Thanks Mari! Knowing that in time and with training it can get better helps! I know every dog is different, but how long did it take for your dog to be able to walk past other dogs, or go to a dog park without reacting?

I think a difficult thing fir our situation is being able to train in any controlled way. I always have high value treats on my walks, and she's clicker trained. I think she's now already getting less reactive to people, there have been a couple of short walks where people have walked quite close, I continuously click/reward every time she looks but stays calm. I've been trying to do the same with dogs, if I see one in the distance, I try to get her to look, stay calm, click & treat. Problem is where we are there are quite narrow streets and so often someone turns the corner with a dog, and hey presto! it's too close for comfort, so she barks and growls. I think I'm going to have to check the rules again about whether we're allowed to travel somewhere calm to go for a walk. My aim is to slowly build up walks, but make sure she can remain calm around dogs at a distance and slowly build it up. Just not so easy to do in any controlled way in my immediate area.

bizzylizzy:
That would be good if you could manage it. These things are always easier to train by starting with a small distraction and working up, so if you can find somewhere a bit quieter and possibly even get someone to help by staging a distraction at distance,  then you can gradually progress towards closing up the gap, but take it slowly. Your own confidence will grow aswell and that‘s so important when trying to convey to your dog that you have things under control so she can relax and hand over the leadership /protection role to you. I have a tendency to freeze when we meet one particular dog that my dog doesn‘t get on with and he picks up on it straight away so I have to make a conscious effort to try and relax and act assertively.
Its useful to teach your dog to walk on both sides of you and also behind, that way you can always ensure that you are between her and the other dog or person - it comes in handy if you have to go past people with young children or push chairs etc or if you‘re rounding a corner. You can practice Left, Right and Behind at home using a treat (as she‘s already used to the clicker, that‘ll make it easier).
Once you start to see results, it‘ll become more fun.
Best of luck! What‘s the little lady‘s name, by the way?

Mari:

--- Quote from: OffMyCocker on April 23, 2020, 10:35:36 AM ---Thanks Mari! Knowing that in time and with training it can get better helps! I know every dog is different, but how long did it take for your dog to be able to walk past other dogs, or go to a dog park without reacting?

I think a difficult thing fir our situation is being able to train in any controlled way. I always have high value treats on my walks, and she's clicker trained. I think she's now already getting less reactive to people, there have been a couple of short walks where people have walked quite close, I continuously click/reward every time she looks but stays calm. I've been trying to do the same with dogs, if I see one in the distance, I try to get her to look, stay calm, click & treat. Problem is where we are there are quite narrow streets and so often someone turns the corner with a dog, and hey presto! it's too close for comfort, so she barks and growls. I think I'm going to have to check the rules again about whether we're allowed to travel somewhere calm to go for a walk. My aim is to slowly build up walks, but make sure she can remain calm around dogs at a distance and slowly build it up. Just not so easy to do in any controlled way in my immediate area.

--- End quote ---

Getting my dog used to other dogs really didn't take long at all. A few weeks maybe, I don't remember exactly. But she was still young so I don't know if it's a fair comparison. I lived in Budapest where dogs are loose everywhere. So controlling the environment was a huge challenge. I was lucky to have a friend with a chill dog. We introduced the dogs to each other and after some panicked screaming from my dog, they became friends because the other dog was so relaxed. We went out together many times so that my dog had a confident dog to follow. We used to walk around the local parks where dogs played so my dog could see them but did not have to interact unless she wanted to run up to them. If you know someone with a dog that is calm that can be a huge help.

Now getting my dog used to humans on the other hand, took months or years depending on the level of OK she got with them  ph34r

Sounds like you are on the right track, I hope you will see results soon  :D It is the type of training that is slow, but then suddenly things get better (in my experience). Some setbacks are also common, at least we had plenty of them. But it is so much fun when it starts working. And if they do start barking because dogs get too close, then don't be discouraged, just remove the dog from the situation and keep going, it will happen.

One helpful tool I can recommend is teaching a touch command. Teach the dog to touch the back of your hand with her nose. If you are in a situation where you have to get too close to other dogs then you can distract your dog by asking her to touch your hand several times while still walking. I used that for walking through crowds or bus stops on narrow sidewalks. I kept the forward momentum while giving the dog something to focus on other than the scary people around her. Touch, click, treat, touch, click, treat. Looks a little funny with a small dog since we have to bend over, but it is super helpful.

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