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Cocker Specific Discussion => General Cocker Spaniel Discussion => Topic started by: tiggerbabe on November 10, 2005, 01:15:37 PM

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 10, 2005, 01:15:37 PM

Sorry, I have not been on for a while, but I had decisions to make that might have been clouded had I been coming on here as regularly as I was.

As of last night, Sophie is no longer living with us.  :(  

I had a visit from my Housing Officer on Monday to say that complaints had been received about the dogs barking and I was being given time to "sort the problem".  :ph34r:   I knew it was coming, as I had received a few snide comments from a couple of neighbours in the past few weeks.

Anyone that has been on COL for a while will know the saga of Sophie and her Separation Anxiety and the difficulties I have encountered in trying to get her to relax when I am either not in the house, or indeed in the room.

I have tried every possible measure and after getting Beau, she did seem to pick up and there were periods where she could be crated and be ok, not great, but quietish.  But, eventually she would start howling, then Beau would join in too.  She was not interested in Beau when I was not in the house.

For the last 2-3 weeks, I have hardly left them in the house alone at any point apart from when I am at work in the morning.  I have cancelled shopping, parents evenings, all sorts - just because I couldn't risk them barking when I was out.  So if Paul was not able to stay in the house with them, then I did.  Paul is only 12, and he is hardly ever in, he is always out with his pals, and I can't expect him to stay in just to keep Sophie quiet.

That's not right, and you can't live your life like that, and in the long run was just making matters worse as they had someone there 24/7.  

I went to see my breeder friend that I got Sophie and Beau from last night to tell her what has happened and it was one of the hardest conversations I have ever had to take part in.  I love my Sophie, but I was worried sick about the damage that she may be doing to her heart in the long run with getting herself worked up into a frenzy day after day.  So my friend took her back, to the house where she lived for the first 5.5yrs of her life.  

So, I still have Beau until Sunday, to see how he will cope on his own, but I am not holding my breath as he has always lived with other dogs too and he is now 10mths old.

I am off work today, I just couldn't face it after being in tears most of last night.  I feel so guilty that things didn't work out, but I don't know what else I could have done - Sophie needed an "emotional crutch" with her all day every day, and I can't give her that, no matter how much I wanted to.

Sorry this is such a long posting, and I am sure there will be many negative comments at what I have done, and may still have to do with Beau, but I was making myself ill worrying about it every time I wanted to step outside the front door, and a decision had to be made for all our sakes.  :(

Title: Sad News
Post by: ali-c on November 10, 2005, 01:19:40 PM

Oh Aileen I'm so sorry to hear this  :(  :(
Sophie and Beau are gorgeous dogs and you've given them a wonderful home over the last few months, you must be gutted.
I'm thinking of you all at this time x

Title: Sad News
Post by: Em - Oscar's mum on November 10, 2005, 01:24:14 PM

So sorry to hear of your news.  I just hope it works out for you and Beau.  Please let us know.
Thinking of you.

Title: Sad News
Post by: sarah25 on November 10, 2005, 01:25:37 PM

sorry to hear about your sad news  :(
i hope everythink works out 4 you and the doggies

Title: Sad News
Post by: Petra on November 10, 2005, 01:28:25 PM

Oh Aileen, you poor thing...
I am sure that was the hardest decision you have ever had to make, and for what it is worth, I think it was the right one for you!   You gave Sophie a lovely home and tried everything you could to get her to settle and sort the SA.

Surely the stress of the situation with your neighbours, and being confined to 'house arrest' must have made you stressed and unhappy, and you have to do what is right for you as well as the dog!  (Sophie may have picked up on your anxiety over the situation and that would not make her happy either...)

Good luck with Beau, am here if you need to talk....

Title: Sad News
Post by: MrsMac on November 10, 2005, 01:35:21 PM

You've only done what's right for you and your dogs.  I'm proud of you making such a hard decision.  I hope everything works out with Beau too.  (((Hugs))) to you all xx

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 10, 2005, 02:04:26 PM

Quote

Surely the stress of the situation with your neighbours, and being confined to 'house arrest' must have made you stressed and unhappy, and you have to do what is right for you as well as the dog! (Sophie may have picked up on your anxiety over the situation and that would not make her happy either...)

Good luck with Beau, am here if you need to talk....

Thanks very much for that, only another doggie person can understand how hard this has been!

I was getting myself totally stressed out about it.  I think I knew deep down that things were not working out, but I didn't want it to be true.  :(

I am only 33 (just!) and the thought of "house arrest" was not appealing at all!  Especially when your 12yr old son comes and goes when he pleases, but I was scared to leave for more than 30mins at a time!  :unsure:

Title: Sad News
Post by: Gilly on November 10, 2005, 02:34:23 PM

I'm sorry to hear your news  :( I hope Beau can cope by himself and I am sure that Sophie will be fine, not any words of great consolation I know. I just hope everything works out Ok for you.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Rachel B on November 10, 2005, 03:14:32 PM

It sounds like you have made the most sensible decision - putting your dogs first which is what every loving doggie person does.

Well done for doing what must have been a really hard thing to do.

Rachel xxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: Spanielsmum on November 10, 2005, 03:43:53 PM

I know exactly where you're coming from as I'm in a similar situation with Norris who I rescued 3 months ago. He howls and cries and barks even if we are in the next room and he can see us through the baby gate.. We have gone against all our house rules about dogs in the bedroom as it's the only way we can get some sleep.When he's with us,  and I mean in the same room (or if it's his choice in the hallway etc) he's perfect, but if for any reason we have to move him to a room away from us he really creates.This week it's a nightmare as we've got a joiner in changing all the doors, so of course for safety, I've had to confine the dogs in the conservatory. His whinging and crying is driving us mad, I don't know what the poor joiner thinks. I'm spending every afternoon at the park to give him a break but the weather's awful.......of course.

All I can say is don't beat yourself up. You tried, things don't always work out. Good luck with Beau....

Title: Sad News
Post by: Cathy on November 10, 2005, 04:15:15 PM

Sorry to hear your news, i hope things work better now.

Don't beat yourself up about this, its sad, but it sounds like it was the irght decision.

Title: Sad News
Post by: suzysu on November 10, 2005, 04:26:55 PM

Ohh Aileen ...please dont be so hard on yourself  :( ...we all know how hard you worked to try and help Sophie  ;) ...she has had a loving home with you, but it wouldnt do her any good in the long run to get so upset when you are away.  She really needs a home where someone is home all day  ;)

Hope Beau settles with you and you can keep him  ;) ...thinking of you and sending lots of luv  ;) xxxxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: Tracey J on November 10, 2005, 04:34:07 PM

Oh Aileen, what a difficult decision you've had to make :( .  Don't beat yourself up about it, you seemed to be in such an impossible situation.  I hope Beau settles ok, fingers crossed.

Thinking of you. x

Title: Sad News
Post by: paulb on November 10, 2005, 04:41:45 PM

Aileen , I am so sorry I know how much you loved them,
i feel as though i have been part of the story from beau coming, i am so sad for you, please stay with us on COL,
love paul

Title: Sad News
Post by: Elisa on November 10, 2005, 04:55:30 PM

Aileen, I am so sorry  :(  I defy anyone to post a negative post because we know how hard you have worked to make this work and how dedicated you have been towards both Sophie and Beau.

Keeping everything crossed things work out with Beau.

Thinking of you xx

Title: Sad News
Post by: crazyspaniels on November 10, 2005, 05:12:42 PM

Oh Aileen, how awful for you, I am praying that Beau is OK on his own :(
You made the right choice, but poor you :(

Title: Sad News
Post by: isla on November 10, 2005, 05:13:43 PM

So sorry for you Aileen. What an awful decision to make. You have really tried your best with her and I'm sure she will miss you but settle into her new life.

Really hope things with Beau work out  :)

Sure you will find no criticism here just sympathy at having to make a heart breaking decision. Keep us posted with Beau's progress.

Thinking about you

Title: Sad News
Post by: Miss Poohs on November 10, 2005, 05:14:00 PM

Ohh Aileen I really feel you, what a tough decision to have to make.

I really hope things work out with Beau - although I know it's Sophie you're missing.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, you know all us doggie are here if you need an ear.

Take care

Jx

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 10, 2005, 05:17:23 PM

Thanks everyone for the comments - you don't know how much they are appreciated.  :(

I know that Sophie is only 3 miles along the road, but she might as well be on the moon to me! I won't want to see her next time I visit as it will be too hard for her & me.

Going back to work tomorrow, I only work til 1pm anyway, so by then I will know if Beau is going to go off on one or not.  He is used to this house now, and if he freaks out, I will know straight away that it is not going to work out.  He has never been left on his own in here, & it is not fair to expect him to lose all his doggy companions too just to keep us happy.

So I will just need to see what happens tomorrow.

Title: Sad News
Post by: *Jay* on November 10, 2005, 05:18:50 PM

I'm sorry to hear things haven't worked out with Sophie :(

Title: Sad News
Post by: MaxG on November 10, 2005, 05:19:52 PM

Oh god, what a nightmare you've had - well done for making an incredibly tough decision & doing what was right for you and the dog/s. Thinking of you at what must be a heartwrenching time.
 :(

Title: Sad News
Post by: Rhona on November 10, 2005, 05:22:52 PM

What a terribly difficult decision to make.  I really do feel so sorry for you.

I hope everything works out okay with Beau.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Emma&Harry on November 10, 2005, 05:47:06 PM

Really sorry to hear about this, but well done on making such a tough decision.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Annabella on November 10, 2005, 05:54:14 PM

i am so sorry to hear that you had to let sophie go. i have my fingers crossed that beau settles into his new routine.

thinking of you

anna xoxo

Title: Sad News
Post by: Cob-Web on November 10, 2005, 06:10:50 PM

I'm so sorry Aileen, I don't understand how anyone could post negative comments about such a hard decision  <_<  - if they do they cannot be a true dog lover IMO  :(

I know that you have made this decision in the best interests of Sophie; I have been in awe of the efforts you have gone to, to help her become settled and happy - and I know you will continue to make the right decisons for Beau, as well, no matter how difficult they are for you  :)  I hope he settles into his new routine -  :angry:  to your neighbours for being so impatient  :angry:

(http://smily.hit.bg/hug.gif)(http://smily.hit.bg/hug.gif) to you - its horrid when we have to make decisons for the good of your pets that leave us feeling so unhappy (http://smily.hit.bg/hug.gif)

Title: Sad News
Post by: flossysmum on November 10, 2005, 06:38:45 PM

very sorry to hear the news :( its a  hard decision, hope everything works out :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: Joelf on November 10, 2005, 06:42:14 PM

I was very sorry to read about your sad decision with Sophie & Beau Aileen. :(

Unfortunately you were in a no-win situation & you have made the only possible decision that you could have made in the circumstances hard though it was. :wub:

I think you have been very courageous. :)  :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: Hel on November 10, 2005, 06:44:56 PM

This is to tiggerbabe for Beau and also to GlynisT - this is what I did to stop separation anxiety from being a problem with the neighbours when I went out.

Fletcher was rehomed from a back yard breeder aged nearly 4.  She had a couple of old x-breeds who lived inside, but all her cockers were outside in the garden - apart from Fletch.  It was clear when I got him home why he was not in the garden and why she was rehoming him (apart from the fact he has no interest in females) - he can howl for hours non-stop.

He was my only dog when I rehomed him, but had lived all his life with others.  For the first few days, he howled for ages (according to my very nice neighbours).

Instead of doing the 'ignoring stuff when you leave' that books recommend, I did the opposite.  I told him I was going to work, looked very sad about it and waved him goodbye, saying 'bye'  and waving in a sad voice as I went out - I spent a few minutes doing this.  After 3 days, it worked completely, he didn't howl at all (neighbours again!) and it continues to work after 3 years.  3 years on, the waving and say 'bye' works - I don't even have to look so sad!

It's not sorted his separation anxiety, as he still howls if I go out to the car without going through our little routine and he still hates me shutting the bathroom door  :blink: , but it has solved all the going out and leaving him problem.

Since rehoming Fletch, I'm had a few other rescue cockers - one in particular was supposed to have severe separation anxiety.  They all have got my leaving routine very quickly and all dogs have been OK with being left for a few hours - the one with the 'severe' case' was fine after 1 day!.

I hope this helps.  It has really worked for Fletch and he can still howl for England if he's behind the gate and I go to speak to my neighbour in view 3 yards away....., but I can leave him and the other 2  for hours in the house without a howl, or him on his own, alone.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Ben's mum on November 10, 2005, 07:22:37 PM

I really feel for you having to make such a hard decisian.  Please don't worry about what others think - you know you have done what is right for both you and your dogs.  I only wish everyone would be brave and caring enough to put their dogs first.

keeping my fingers crossed for you and Beau - but whatever the outcome don't be hard on yourself, you have proved how much you love your dogs and sometimes love alone is not enough to solve a problem.

take care :)   I am sure we are all thinking of you

Ben's mum

Title: Sad News
Post by: Magic Star on November 10, 2005, 07:45:10 PM

:( Aileen, i'm so sorry things have come to this, I know how desperatly you have tried to get Sophie settled.  I don't know what else to say, speechless really :(   Sending you lots of hugs and support, please don't be a stranger to COL xxxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: Eljay on November 10, 2005, 08:00:43 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this news.  It must have been a heartwrenching decision to make. Please don't beat yourself up over it as you have made the right decision for both you and the dog, in my opinion.
I really hope Beau settles for you.
To add to what Hel said in her post. I have done the same with Alfie in as much as I now say 'Back in a minute' if I'm out for a short time and 'See you later' when I go to work. He seems to have picked up on these phrases as he now crawls under the seat I have in the hall and curls up. He never goes under there if we're at home! and I haven't had the neighbour ring me at work to tell me he's howling.
Sending you lots of support and good wishes.
Lou.

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 10, 2005, 09:18:30 PM

Well, I am just back from my friends house (again!) as I had something to hand into her, and it was just her hubby who was in.

He said that I should just have brought Beau along too as he will not settle tomorrow on his own as he has never been alone in the whole 10mths of his life.

I told him I had to give it one last shot, I will know by 1pm tomorrow, and I would always be wondering how it would have turned out if I brought him back tonight too.

We have only had Beau since the end of September, so if he has to go back, it will not be quite as heartwrenching as leaving Soph.  :(

He is a lot more laid back than Sophie was, not as clingy at all, so you never know, but I am not getting my hopes up as I now know how horrible it feels when it goes wrong.  :unsure:  

Thanks again to everyone who has posted, it has been a great comfort.  :)  

Title: Sad News
Post by: shonajoy on November 10, 2005, 10:05:02 PM

Awww, Aileen, hon, you have worked like a trouper to give both of them a happy home, no one could have done more. :(

I'm so sorry, but you are a wonderful dog person for knowing what's right for ALL of you - you deserve a life too. I am lucky not having neighbours, otherwise I my have been in the same boat.

I'm sorry - just don't be too hard on yourself, ok?


((((((bighugs)))))))))

Title: Sad News
Post by: Pammy on November 10, 2005, 10:08:39 PM

These decisions are among the hardest in life but it was all you could do.

Finger's crossed it all works out.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Anita on November 10, 2005, 10:11:13 PM

You've made a very brave and hard decision. I hope it works out for you with Beau.

Title: Sad News
Post by: loubylou on November 10, 2005, 10:25:05 PM

Aileen hope all goes well tonight and tomorrow i will be keeping my fingers crossed for you as you are for me :)

love to you and beau and sophiexxxx (hope shes doing ok?)

Title: Sad News
Post by: denisec on November 10, 2005, 11:09:11 PM

Hi Aileen

So sorry to hear your news.  It must have been a very tough decision  :( , but a good one for all of you.

Fingers crossed that Beau settles  :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: waisis on November 11, 2005, 12:22:13 AM

So sorry to hear about the hard decision you had to make.   A co-worker is re-homing one of her dogs as well due to the same difficulty and she is devastated, but it is for the best in the long run. :(

Title: Sad News
Post by: PennyB on November 11, 2005, 12:54:25 AM

So sorry to hear this news, I know how awful SA can be for some dogs

Might be worth practising NILIF with Beau or something like it so he doesn't get too clingy. I hope he doesn't have to go back and can settle into a routine on his own.

Title: Sad News
Post by: paddys mum on November 11, 2005, 08:05:48 AM

So sorry about the decision you've had to make  :( it must have been a very hard thing to do, I know what you've had to go through to get you to this point. You've treid everything you possibly could to help Sophie. I hope Beau is ok this morning it's amazing how resiliant dogs can be he is omly 10 months old and could well learn to adapt to life as an only pup, more cuddles for him. treats he doesn't have to share  :D He might come to like it  :D
(((((hugs)))))  for you and for Beau hope it goes ok this morning

Title: Sad News
Post by: Miss Poohs on November 11, 2005, 08:17:50 AM

I hope everything goes well for you today Aileen.

Vahri is a barker and I have to say my neighbours have been very understanding, but like you I've always worried about what if they get sick of her.

Fortunately she seems to have gotten the drift and although she hates being left, she tolerates it. Ruffy has grown up with her and I've wondered if he'd pick up her bad habits, but he's such a laid back wee man he doesn't seem to bother - he just goes ape when you come again  :rolleyes:

Let us know how today goes  :unsure:

Be good for mum Beau.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Silver Surfer (indiesnan) on November 11, 2005, 09:00:53 AM

So sorry Aileen  :(  you have tried  everything  and it didn't work.... for what it's worth i think you have made the right and  very brave decision....  You have to live your life too.  Fingers and toes crossed for Beau you never know, he just might surprise you   ;)  xx  (((hugs)))

Title: Sad News
Post by: Shazza on November 11, 2005, 09:16:38 AM

Sorry to hear the news about Sophie, I hope things work out with Beau.  Don't be too hard on yourself, you tried everything you could.

Sharon and Jarvis

Title: Sad News
Post by: lyn on November 11, 2005, 09:26:42 AM

aileen,you did what was best for all of you.i really feel for you and i for one think you are so brave.you looked at the situation and even knowing it would break your heart you did what needed to be done.i admire your love for your dogs and my heart breaks for you.i know by reading your other posts that you tried everything within your power to resolve a very dificult situation.i hope things work out with beau.

Title: Sad News
Post by: sarahb2206 on November 11, 2005, 09:43:28 AM

:(  You have made the right choice, no matter how hard.  You have treid everything you possibly could.  Lesser people would not have tried, and felt nothing but relief when handing back the dog.  I really hope Beau settles quickly for you.  Thinking of you....

Title: Sad News
Post by: shonajoy on November 11, 2005, 11:29:18 AM

Fingers crossed for Beau today, and you too Aileen. Thinking of you.x

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 11, 2005, 12:44:37 PM

Well, a little under 30 mins before I am home.

Beau is not anywhere near as clingy as Sophie, he is quite laid back considering he is only 10mths.  He went into his crate silently this morning no problem.  But time will tell, as I say, he has never been on his own before.

He slept in the big bed that he shared with Sophie last night on his own and slept the whole night without stirring - wee soul  :(

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 11, 2005, 01:46:00 PM

Well, he was fast asleep in the crate when I looked in the window!  :blink:

Before I went in I asked the upstairs neighbour and she said that she thought I had taken him with me today as she never heard him.

MP3 player also confirms no whining, barking, howling for the first 2.5hrs I was out (battery ran out after that!)

Looking good so far, but he could have just been having a tired day!

We are still giving it til Sunday to see how it goes - so I will get my first shopping trip tomorrow for I don't know how long!!

Title: Sad News
Post by: Miss Poohs on November 11, 2005, 02:07:12 PM

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you Aileen (and Beau), bet you were all 6s and 7s at work today just thinking about him.

Hope tomorrow goes just as well.

Jx

Title: Sad News
Post by: Em - Oscar's mum on November 11, 2005, 02:09:42 PM

Keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything works out.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Woody's Mum on November 11, 2005, 02:17:38 PM

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well.

Beau is probably glad of the peace and quiet - the howling and crying was probably keeping him awake!   :P

Hopefully he will be a perfect quiet little boy for you.

Good Luck.   :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: Rachel B on November 11, 2005, 02:26:23 PM

Fingers and paws crossed that all goes well.

Rachel xxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: MaxG on November 11, 2005, 02:38:13 PM

Fingers crossed for you - sounds promising though eh? Brilliant!!

 :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 11, 2005, 02:47:52 PM

Just had to go out to the post office to pick up yet another E-bay purchase  :ph34r:  and I left Beau in the hall as I was only going to be out 10 mins.  I basically just shut the door behind me with him standing there.

Came back and he was lying quite the thing on the hall carpet!

Sophie would have been at the living room window on her back legs watching down the street with PANIC written over her face!  :blink:

Not counting my chickens yet though!

Title: Sad News
Post by: MaxG on November 11, 2005, 02:56:19 PM

oooohhh sounding better by the minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: shonajoy on November 11, 2005, 03:05:32 PM

Quote

Just had to go out to the post office to pick up yet another E-bay purchase  :ph34r:  and I left Beau in the hall as I was only going to be out 10 mins.  I basically just shut the door behind me with him standing there.

Came back and he was lying quite the thing on the hall carpet!

Sophie would have been at the living room window on her back legs watching down the street with PANIC written over her face!  :blink:

Not counting my chickens yet though!

[snapback]159391[/snapback]

That sounds really good!

Title: Sad News
Post by: isla on November 11, 2005, 03:36:12 PM

That sounds really promising. It maybe poor Sophie's agitation was rubbing off on him. As you said he is much more laid back so fingers (and paws) crossed!!

Title: Sad News
Post by: suzysu on November 11, 2005, 03:43:57 PM

Awww its looking good Aileen  ;) fingers and paws crossed here for you  :) xxxxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: Sue H on November 11, 2005, 06:25:41 PM

Sorry to hear about Soph having to re-locate at the moment, Aileen ....

It does sound as though Beau is not nearly as panicky, and I hope he settles and things can stabilize gradually ....

You are coping brilliantly, and being far more sensible that I would given your 'orrible neighbours (they probably listen out and make a point of complaining I bet !!!).  If I was a little old lady who knew someone with a dog who was lonely, I would offer to have it round for elevenses, twoses, threeses and probably sevenses ...!!!

We hope it all works out - Bramble says he knows how Beau feels, since Barley went to the Rainbow Bridge he has grown up loads and is now the Man of The House (dogwise anyway!!)....

Good luck, and keep posting ...

Title: Sad News
Post by: Tracey J on November 11, 2005, 08:19:06 PM

Brilliant news Aileen, I have my fingers crossed that he continues to be so content, and that your life becomes happier as a result.  Keep us updated. :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: Cob-Web on November 11, 2005, 09:09:17 PM

Its great to hear such positive news, Aileen - it will help you relax and settle Beau into his new routine over the weekend all set for a good week next week  :)  :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: Spanielsmum on November 11, 2005, 09:22:16 PM

:D Well done Beau, I hope it carries on like this for you Aileen, fingers crossed.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Elisa on November 11, 2005, 09:41:59 PM

Great news.  Long may it continue.  Everything still crossed here.  :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: paddys mum on November 11, 2005, 09:45:33 PM

Excellent news Aileen I'm so happy for you, I'm sure Beau will be fine  :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: suki1964 on November 11, 2005, 09:57:36 PM

Aileen, I have just seen this thread and Im just so sorry that you had to let Sophie go.

It must have broken your heart as I know how hard you have worked on her SA but at the end of the day you have made the right decision so keep hold of that and dont give yourself a hard time.

I really hope that things work out with Beau. I know that you work hard at giving your dogs the life they deserve and Im sure if anyone can make it work with Beau, you can.

Everything crossed and best of luck

Title: Sad News
Post by: debbie321 on November 11, 2005, 09:57:37 PM

I admire you for trying so hard and letting go when you had exhausted all possibilities.  I feel for you as i had to rehome my golden retriever about 13 years ago.  I found myself a single parent with a new born as my partner left before Becky was born, no job, no car and a large hyper dog that I couldn't cope with.  I too tried my best but had to find (in my opinion) an excellent new family for him.  I remember that awful empty, painful feeling that left me on the floor unable to cry anymore.  But, I realised that I had done the right thing when the new family sent letters and pictures.  I now have no regrets and I'm sure you will get there too.  

Beau sounds as though he is with you to stay and I hope you have a great relationship with him.

'Good Luck' and please don't feel bad.

Title: Sad News
Post by: loubylou on November 11, 2005, 10:34:37 PM

Glad Beau had a good night Aileen it sounds like he may settle down OK  :)

At least you and Beau can settle over the weekend. He is still only a pup so he'll probably just get on with it.  :D

Rusty is great at night and when i go out shopping in the day but if I'm in the house and he can't see me he goes frantic howling and crying then he wees and poos everywhere :(
I know its because he just wants to be with me but it's hard work.
I believe you have done the right thing by sophie and you must give Beau a chance otherwise you would never forgive yourself.

Keep us posted over the weekend.

Thinking of you
  :wub:

Title: Sad News
Post by: Hel on November 11, 2005, 10:41:28 PM

I don't know anything of the past history of  Sophie and Beau, but, IME, dogs are affected by other dogs.  My dogs bark because Pip barks - even my 16 yo rescue yorkie joins in - she joined in after 2 months and is now a very active member.

Give Beau some time before you make a decision.  

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 12, 2005, 05:05:13 PM

Well, today was Braehead day - massive window shopping session planned to keep up the being out of the house for a couple of hours caper!  :)

Paul away at his mates, so I got glammed up and headed off on my own.

When I got there it took 25 mins to park the car due to the THOUSANDS of Crimbo shoppers, but I thought, "No, I am not getting stressed out today"

Came home empty handed (and very proud of myself for being so considering I have not been shopping for weeks!) and with a happy heart.  :D

Until I got out of the car.   :ph34r:

The hound of the Baskervilles has taken up residence in my house in the body of Beau.   :angry:

MP3 recording confirms that he started howling within 11 mins of me leaving and then continued until the recording ran out 2hrs later - and was still going when I got home 1hr after that.  :angry:    

I am getting so fed up with the whole up and down stress levels now - will see what happens tomorrow when I go out, but it is not looking good.  He has the howling idea in his head now.  :unsure:

Title: Sad News
Post by: taliska on November 12, 2005, 05:06:15 PM

Sorry to hear about sophie, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you, hope all goes well with beau.  

Lots of cocker hugs from Taliska and Jurra (extra special one from Tali attached)

(http://braddan.smugmug.com/photos/44161591-M.jpg)

Title: Sad News
Post by: shonajoy on November 12, 2005, 05:12:52 PM

Awww, no. Damn. :(

A thought - is he crated, Aileen? Ham goes nuts if he is, we leave him in one room now, and he doesn't brak.

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 12, 2005, 05:14:13 PM

My thoughts were a bit more colourful than that Shona  :rolleyes:

Thankyou for the lovely tigger pic, cheered me up a bit!

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 12, 2005, 05:16:34 PM

He is crated Shona, always has been since leaving his Mum.

He was crated yesterday when he was ok that is what is puzzling me!

He pees everywhere so that is why I am reluctant to let him have a room to be in, my carpets are already ruined with Sophie's "gifts" before she was crated with Beau!

Title: Sad News
Post by: debbie321 on November 12, 2005, 05:16:41 PM

Quote

Well, today was Braehead day - massive window shopping session planned to keep up the being out of the house for a couple of hours caper!  :)

Paul away at his mates, so I got glammed up and headed off on my own.

When I got there it took 25 mins to park the car due to the THOUSANDS of Crimbo shoppers, but I thought, "No, I am not getting stressed out today"

Came home empty handed (and very proud of myself for being so considering I have not been shopping for weeks!) and with a happy heart.  :D

Until I got out of the car.   :ph34r:

The hound of the Baskervilles has taken up residence in my house in the body of Beau.   :angry:

MP3 recording confirms that he started howling within 11 mins of me leaving and then continued until the recording ran out 2hrs later - and was still going when I got home 1hr after that.  :angry:   

I am getting so fed up with the whole up and down stress levels now - will see what happens tomorrow when I go out, but it is not looking good.  He has the howling idea in his head now.  :unsure:

[snapback]159731[/snapback]

Oh you poor thing.  I haven't followed your story right from the start but I really feel for you.  Have you tried a DAP diffuser?  The vet recommended one for stress (that's Beau not you - yours would be a large glass of wine).

It is supposed to calm them and be useful for separation anxiety.  I bought one for Ben's barking in the morning.  It's a bit hit and miss but I'll try anything. Looking at the instructions it takes between 1 and 3 months depending on the problem .............. you may have tried one but it's just a thought.

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 12, 2005, 05:43:41 PM

Unfortunately I am sure that I must have shares in DAP by now!  :(

I have a large open plan kitchen/living/dining room so I would need about 3 or 4 diffusers going at once to have any effect, and at £15 a refill, maybe not!

They had NO effect on Sophie whatsoever anyway - even after using them for about 3mths.

I use the DAP spray on the bedding in the crate, and it did seem to work with Sophie for a while, but as with everything else, only lasted for a while then it was useless.  At £17 a bottle, it is quite costly too, but seems to last a lot longer as you are only using it when you go out and not all the time.  

Sophie was also on Skullcap & Valerian tablets for about a month, but they did nothing either.  She also had Bach rescue remedy in her crate drinking water - so now you can get the idea as to how worked up she was getting - all those so called "remedies" and she was still a nervous wreck when I went out!

Beau, being in the same crate as Sophie, was also getting the benefit of the DAP spray, and I have just continued that with him on his own - but it clearly had no effect on him today whatsoever!

Title: Sad News
Post by: tracey on November 12, 2005, 06:33:09 PM

Just caught up with this.
So sorry to hear that sophie has had to go back to her breeder :( It is obvious that you did everything that you could to ease her anxiety.
I thought things were going well with Beau till i read this :unsure: Does he howl all the time or does he bark too? Just wondered if the aboistop anti bark collar was worth a try? I have a friend whose dog was barking when she was not at home and the collar seems to have worked, no more barking at all. I have never used them but maybe worth a try. Just looked on ebay and there are lots of new ones :)

I hope you get things sorted soon  :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: MaxG on November 12, 2005, 09:12:43 PM

Oh no - sorry to hear this - it seemed like such good news yesterday!

Only you know what's best for you & Beau, so don't feel pressured one way or another - take your time.

I can definitely identify with you with regards to feeling imprisoned by your dog - I'm only now finally able to start getting out for short periods of time & I sooooooooooooooo know what you mean about stress levels!! Just a bit of info to share with you that might help or might not - I'm not sure if you're able to do what we did, but I'll tell you about our 'little howler' anyway!...(Apologies now, cos it might be a bit of a ramble!!)

Max is 24 weeks old today & since we had him at 9 weeks, he's definitely developed a degree of SA  - the breeder was home with him & his siblings & parents all day every day & since we've had him, I've been taking a career break too, so I've been around 24/7. We think this might have kind of created a rod for our own backs in a way but we're not sure.

Anyway, right from the start, he hated being shut in a room away from us - even the puppy gate at the kitchen door when he could clearly see us the other side!  He also hated his crate & never went in it during the day & would only sleep in it at night if it was in our bedroom with us - we gave in on this one & to be fair, he was 100% fine immediately & has been ever since - he's now graduated to a normal bed in our room & is perfect at night.

However, days were shaping up to be a battle - he truly hated being shut in the lovingly created puppy-proofed kitchen & would howl, cry, bark, pee, poop, scratch, roll in the wee, etc etc etc - we persevered for a few weeks but it was killing me, REALLY distressing him & driving us both nuts! I was starting to think we'd NEVER  be able to leave him for more than 10 minutes as either he or I would have a heart attack, never mind the poor neighbours!! I was at my wits end. We tried using a puppy gate, closing the proper door, crating him, uncrating him, using all manner of beds & bedding, kongs, toys, chews, treats, radio, telly, DAP, etc etc etc - argh!!!!!!

He was doing so well with everything else - perfect at nights, 100% toilet trained, good out on walks, grasping all his training, etc etc - in fact, a real joy to have & a lovely, happy, playful, affectionate little character - BUT for the leaving him thing - he HAD to be able to at least see us at all times - preferably be as close to us as possible - the only time he was away from us was of HIS choosing & then only the garden or kitchen for some grub usually! He'd sit outside the loo door & howl pitifully!!

Then, we bit the bullet one day a month or so ago & decided that maybe he had a problem with the kitchen & the closed door - we figured he'd begun to associate the kitchen as the 'evil room!'  where he only ever spent any time when he was getting shut in & we were leaving him - otherwise, he was always in the lounge with us & used to sleep in there on the floor & play with his toys in there etc etc etc.

So, we got the puppy gate out again & put it up at the doorway of the lounge/hall & opened the lounge/kitchen door & gave him the run of the 2 rooms - we puppy proofed the lounge as best we could & just gritted our teeth & tried it.

Well, I swear, it was like someone had flicked a switch in him - what a different dog!!!!

I gradually tried leaving him for 10 mins (easy - oh my god!!)  then building up to longer etc & in the space of a few weeks, I've got him up to 2 hours, which doesn't sound a lot, but for him/us it's a ruddy miracle & we're over the moon - there is FINALLY light at the end of the tunnel!! I've spied on him & recorded him & even used a webcam to film him (hubby works in IT - men & their toys!!) & he doesn't make a sound - oh my god - I was truly gobsmacked!!

He watches me go, huffs a bit, then either gets on his beanbag or the sofa (yes, I know, the sofa - small price to pay though we figured!) & goes to sleep!! He does wander round a bit sometimes & look out of the window for me & lie by the puppygate a bit, but he's not in the least distressed, doesn't chew ANYTHING, doesn't pee,  doesn't make a sound, etc etc etc - I was stunned! We leave him all the usual treats & toys & always tell him 'back in a minute - wait there - good boy' in a happy voice & that seems to work!

Now, I'm not naive enough to think that he's never gonna chew anything or break anything maybe, but so far so good - it's been over a month now. He's so much more relaxed - he still doesn't like me going & he's still exhibiting signs of separation anxiety to a degree,  but it's noticeably better than it was - he'll often wander round the house & fall asleep in a room that I'm NOT in for example - BIG development! He also only whimpers now when we're in the loo!! He still hates closed doors though - big time - really don't know why.

Is there any way you could try Beau out of his crate? Is there a room he feels very at ease in that you could maybe pen off an area or puppy-proof it somehow? When you nipped to the Post Office the other day & he was quiet, was he in or out of his crate? I might be completely talking out of my @rse but all I can say is that fingers crossed it seems to have worked for us - SO FAR.

Sorry for the long ramble & if it's all useless info, but I really hope you can find a solution so that you can keep Beau.

Let us know how it goes!
Good luck!

 :)  

Title: Sad News
Post by: paddys mum on November 12, 2005, 09:49:15 PM

Oh no poor you  :( what Kath says seems to be some really good advice.
What about leaving the radio? on  :unsure: or something like that or one of those dog things that you use for puppies (with a beating heart) to go in his crate with him. I'm so sorry that you've had a minor hiccup but I hope things get better for you  :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: hawkins on November 13, 2005, 09:09:05 AM

So sorry to hear about your situation. It must have been a very difficult decision for you to make. I can't imagine what strength it has taken for you to cope with these events. I am sure that the decision is the best for you and Sohpie.

I hope everything settles well with Beau.

Title: Sad News
Post by: Elisa on November 13, 2005, 11:07:59 AM

Oh no  :o  :unsure:   Keep at it, Im sure he will settle, he is young enough to learn.  He just needs some time to adjust.  What a roller coaster you are on  :huh:   Still wishing you all the luck in the world.  :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 13, 2005, 12:16:00 PM

Quote

What a roller coaster you are on

Yip, it definately feels like that - and I am not into theme parks in a big way!  :P

Beau is like a different dog from when Sophie was here, he is very quiet and withdrawn, almost depressed looking.  He is still only 10mths old, but it is as though he has no get up and go.  :(

I got up early this morning as it was a lovely sunny, but very frosty morning.  Took him out for an hour & quarters walk up the woods, and he never walked any further then 3ft in front of me.  I kept tripping over him every 2 mins!  It was very frustrating when you are used to him bounding about all over the place - it was just as though he was "lost" without Sophie leading the way.  The whole walk he never stopped to sniff anything more than 3 times and was totally focused on making sure I was right behind him.  :unsure:

Anyway, when we got home I decided to go to Tesco for an hour to see how he would be.  Me and Paul both left him, by the time we went he was asleep in the crate anyway looking very sorry for himself.  

We got back a little under an hour later, and when I walked into the room, he was asleep and hadn't even noticed the rustling carrier bags coming in the door!

He looked a bit chirpier too, so I have decided to try it for another 2 days to see how it goes.  I cannot make a judgement on 2 good days (one of which was only for an hour) and a really bad day.

I don't want to give him too many hugs to cheer him up either in case it works against me - everything is just so complicated at the moment!  :rolleyes:

Title: Sad News
Post by: Rachel B on November 13, 2005, 12:52:45 PM

Keeping fingers crossed for the next two days.

Rachel xxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: fi61 on November 13, 2005, 01:13:36 PM

So VERY sorry to hear your news, good luck with Beau.

Fiona, Milly and Lucy

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 15, 2005, 06:21:52 PM

Update!

Beau is still with us, and seems to be doing not too badly.

He is not depressed anymore - thank goodness!  In fact he is very chirpy this afternoon playing chase and hide the slimy chewstick!  :ph34r:

He was quiet yesterday for 3.75hrs whilst I was out, and today the mp3 recording did  not work, but my neighbour says she never heard a cheep from him.  :)

Will try another mp3 recording tomorrow, but all seems to be going not too badly so far!  ;)

Title: Sad News
Post by: Rachel B on November 15, 2005, 06:24:32 PM

Fantastic news.  Well done.

Rachel & Barney xxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: suzysu on November 15, 2005, 06:31:27 PM

Fingers and paws crossed for you Aileen  ;) xxxxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: Mary P on November 15, 2005, 06:34:39 PM

So pleased that things are better - I was thinking about you!

Title: Sad News
Post by: *Jay* on November 15, 2005, 07:43:05 PM

Glad to hear he is being a good boy ;)

Title: Sad News
Post by: Tracey J on November 15, 2005, 07:54:46 PM

Awww, what a good boy, you must be so pleased that he seems to be coming round.  Fingers crossed he continues to improve  :D .

Title: Sad News
Post by: Elisa on November 15, 2005, 08:20:06 PM

That's fantastic news  :D  :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: MaxG on November 15, 2005, 08:43:34 PM

brilliant news!!!!!!!!!! :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: isla on November 15, 2005, 09:26:04 PM

Delighted Aileen. Sounds promising!!

Title: Sad News
Post by: Magic Star on November 15, 2005, 10:06:59 PM

:D Aileen, such good news, long may it continue, everything crossed for you xxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: denisec on November 15, 2005, 11:04:14 PM

That is brilliant news.  Well done Beau  :D   Fingers and paws crossed that it continues  :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: Joelf on November 16, 2005, 02:39:26 PM

Sounds much more positive news about Beau,Aileen!! :D
Hope today went okay as well!! ;)

Title: Sad News
Post by: Annette on November 19, 2005, 09:03:29 PM

Just caught up with this. What an awful time you have had Ailleen. I'm so sorry.

Buddy howls when left in his crate, but we think he's settled well without it now. We are open plan too, so just make sure he's confined to downstairs with the stair gate. We have left im for up to 4 hrs now and he seems ok.

Title: Sad News
Post by: shonajoy on November 19, 2005, 09:57:19 PM

Aileen, how are things? Still good I hope.x

Title: Sad News
Post by: loubylou on November 20, 2005, 08:34:57 PM

Fingers crossed Aileen sounds really promising :)

Let us know how you've got on this weekend hope its been OK :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: debbie321 on November 20, 2005, 09:27:23 PM

Please let us know how you're getting on.  Is he still doing well?  :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: paulb on November 20, 2005, 10:56:40 PM

yeah I've been thinking about him tyoday actually,

hope its all going well :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: amanda on November 21, 2005, 08:15:46 PM

i'm so pleased for you. I hope he continues to do well. :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: tiggerbabe on November 22, 2005, 05:54:39 PM

Hi everyone!

Well, Beau is still with us and is doing really well.

He actually seems happier now he has the one to one attention rather than Sophie being here giving off "stressed out chick" vibes!  :P

He is doing well when left alone, still leaving him in the crate as I am not quite sure that he wouldn't still soil the carpet if left out of the crate.  Strangely though, since Sophie left he has not pee'd or poo'd in the house more than twice - whereas when Sophie was here it was a few times a day with no warning that he needed out!  :unsure:

So, all things seem to be going well so far!

Thank God, and thank all you guys for giving me the hope that I needed to carry on with him  :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: Rachel B on November 22, 2005, 05:59:06 PM

Wonderful news, I hope it continues to go as well.

Rachel xxx

Title: Sad News
Post by: paulb on November 22, 2005, 06:41:41 PM

great, he is a star

Title: Sad News
Post by: Joelf on November 22, 2005, 06:44:23 PM

That's brilliant news Aileen!! :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: Magic Star on November 22, 2005, 07:19:24 PM

:D fab news Aileen x

Title: Sad News
Post by: MaxG on November 22, 2005, 08:32:00 PM

Brilliant - so pleased for you!!!!!!!!!! :)

Title: Sad News
Post by: debbie321 on November 22, 2005, 08:36:49 PM

I'm sooo pleased.  Here's to a happy life with Beau :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: Silver Surfer (indiesnan) on November 22, 2005, 08:40:07 PM

That's great news Aileen  :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: Elisa on November 22, 2005, 08:40:28 PM

Brilliant news!  So pleased for you all.  :D  :D

Title: Sad News
Post by: Eljay on November 22, 2005, 09:39:58 PM

Well done for sticking with it.  :D You've had such a hard time of it lately I really hope it all works out well for you. Beau sounds as though he's got the hang of things and is settling down.  :D
Alfie still has his moments and he's just over three now, but the other day we came back from shopping and it sounded like Hound of the Baskervilles coming from the house. :angry:  He seems to get like it if there is a bitch in season about!  <_<
Keep up the good work.
Lou

Title: Sad News
Post by: sarahp on November 23, 2005, 07:34:34 PM

Excellent news - things certainly seem more positive for Beau.  Long may it continue!!! :D  :D