Having To Make A Dreadful Decision

[Robbie34]

I'm having to contemplate making a dreadful decision regarding Charley.  He is now 15 1/2, deaf, blind, incontinent, and suffering from dementia.  

His quality of life is poor and he spends most of the day sleeping or walking round in circles.  I'm not in the best of health and I'm finding it difficult to cope with him.  I dread coming downstairs in the morning to see what awaits.  Fortunately, the weather is warm and dry, and Charley can be left in the garden and he will sleep outside after walking around in circles.  In bad weather I can't leave him in the garden so I have to watch him closely to make sure he doesn't mess in the house.  Unfortunately, seven times out of ten I don't catch him in time and I'm left clearing up his mess, or trying to soak up his urine from the carpet.  His groomer refuses to clip him any more because he squirms and wriggles whilst screaming - it really is a scream.  I also have great difficulty in cleaning his eyes as he suffers from dry eye.  It's almost impossible to insert ointment in his eyes due to his moving around, and I'm frightened of piercing his eye with the point of the tube.

This about sums it up, and I'm not sure that I can make the decision.  Am I doing it for myself, or in the best interests of Charley.  It's akin to casting off an old item that's no longer of any use.  Charley has been such a lovely dog but he is not recognisable as he used to be.

[BuddlyReynolds]

The decision is even more difficult because we love them so much.  When Bud and Floyd came to that point their kidney function had failed and my vet helped me with the decision.  It still hurts even now.  My thoughts are with you.

[MIN]

almost 16 years old. what a grand life Charley has had. I am going to be blunt, I think it is time to say goodbye. we try to keep them for ever but that is for our own peace of mind.
 I have always had the vet out in these situations, if it is a option for you i think it would be easier for you and kinder for charlie would know nothing lying in his warm garden
if this not what you want to hear i am sorry but atleast you will feel less guilty for thinking about it

i have put off hitting the post button for awhile incase i changed my mind, thinking of you, thinking of Charley.
no, i still think its time to do right by your beloved Charlie

[DeeDee]

It's a terrible decision to have to make and my heart goes out to you.   It's the hardest thing we have to do for our beloved pets who cannot make that choice for themselves. Perhaps your words 'His quality of life is poor' may help you decide what to do for the best in Charley's interest. Have you anyone else to talk about this with? Have you spoken to your vet? Whatever your decision, my thoughts are with you. Take care.   Diana

[Archie bean]

So sorry you are having this dilemma again. It is never an easy thing to face. 

Someone on here posted this poem a while back and I sent it to a pupil who recently had to a face exactly the same decision as you with his 17 yr old cocker. It is difficult to read and has me crying buckets every time I do, but my pupil said he found it helpful.

Whatever you decide i am sure you will know in your heart what is the right thing for Charley. Thinking of you.



The Last Battle
 
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
 And pain should keep me from my sleep,
 Then will you do what must be done,
 For this the last battle can't be won.
 You will be sad I understand,
 But don't let grief then stay your hand,
 For on this day, more than the rest,
 Your love and friendship must stand the test.
 We have had so many happy years,
 You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
 When the time comes, please, let me go.
 Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
 Only, stay with me till the end
 And hold me firm and speak to me
 Until my eyes no longer see.
 I know in time you will agree
 It is a kindness you do to me.
 Although my tail its last has waved,
 From pain and suffering I have been saved.
 Don't grieve that it must be you
 Who has to decide this thing to do;
 We've been so close we two these years,
 Don't let your heart hold any tears.
 
Author - Unknown

[panda66]

Charley has had a good life, Being able to put them to sleep when they have no quality of life is one of the kindest thing we can do for them and it is so peaceful

[Jane S]

It's akin to casting off an old item that's no longer of any use.

No it's really not - it's a terribly hard decision to make but you have to ask yourself whether Charley is happy how he is now and what would he tell you if he only could? We've been in the same position as you a couple of years ago when our dear old Arran deteriorated in much the same way Charley has - we knew it was not fair on him to keep him going as he was with so little quality of life & so had to make the decision to give him peace. It was the last thing we could do for him after he'd given us so much. Only you know when it is the right time to make this decision for Charley but I've heard it said that it's better to do this "a day too soon than a day too late", something we try to follow (not always managing it though sadly)

[JennyBee]

I am so sorry, Robbie. There is a neighbour of mine whose family have a fifteen year old golden cocker and she is exactly the same. I saw her the other day there and her owners are in the same position, having to decide what is for the best. It makes me so sad, so goodness knows what it is like for you .

The best advice I have heard is 'better a day too early than a day too late.' He has had a good, long life and that's what you have to hold on to. Whatever you decide, we will all be thinking of you and Charley

[Helly D]

I really feel for you as it is the hardest decision we ever have to make but I honestly feel it would be kinder to say goodbye. When I made the decision on my 14 year old cocker the vet came to the house. She gave him a sedative first so he was sleepy. I sat on the settee with him in my arms while she gave him the last injection in his vein and he slipped away without any fear or pain. It's making me cry all over again writing this but he had a fantastic life with us as all our animals have and that has always been our solace.

When we make the decision to bring them into our lives we have to take that responsibility of possibly ending theirs when they can no longer function normally and happily.

I hope you can find the strength to make the decision to let him go and never feel guilt or remorse. He has had a very long life and no doubt a great one with you. Feel sadness and grief at the loss of a friend but know you made a kind decision in letting him go.

[Pop-Star]

My heart breaks for you Robbie    Truly the hardest decision we ever make.
If it were my decision, I would ask what would I want if I were Charley
Thinking of you both 

[Poppsie]

Awww Robbie sweetheart look at Charlie  look into his eyes and see what he is trying to tell you  are they sad? is the old Charlie still in there?  we knew with Poppy when we had to say goodbye as she had kidney failure and her quality of life was nothing  gone had my bouncy loving life little girl  as the kidney thing had took it's toll on her she was a shell off her former self and it wasn't fair on her to keep her going just for us  . It is hard Robbie but it is the last gift of love that you can give to your precious boy  I know how you are feeling all of us on here that have loved and lost do  give Charlie a big kiss from all of us  x x x

[Penelope]

Awww Robbie sweetheart look at Charlie  look into his eyes and see what he is trying to tell you  are they sad? is the old Charlie still in there?  we knew with Poppy when we had to say goodbye as she had kidney failure and her quality of life was nothing  gone had my bouncy loving life little girl  as the kidney thing had took it's toll on her she was a shell off her former self and it wasn't fair on her to keep her going just for us  . It is hard Robbie but it is the last gift of love that you can give to your precious boy  I know how you are feeling all of us on here that have loved and lost do  give Charlie a big kiss from all of us  x x x

I couldn't have put it better myself.  I am so very sorry but I agree - I think the time has come to say your final goodbye to your lovely lad.  We have had to do this more times than I care to remember and in our case 3 years ago it was with a 2 year old and a 3 year old.  My heart broke each time and it was the hardest of decisions, but in both cases it was the right decision for the dogs.  That is what you have to think about - what is right for Charlie?  Poppsie is right - you can tell by looking into his eyes.  If he is telling you the time is right, then I always believe better a day too soon than a day too late.

My thoughts are with you - I have never been lucky enough to have a dog as old as Charlie so can't begin to imagine how horrendous it must be to face this, but I think it will be the right decision now.

Take care of yourself and give Charlie a huge COL hug from us.
 

[pipkoi]

Awww Robbie sweetheart look at Charlie  look into his eyes and see what he is trying to tell you  are they sad? is the old Charlie still in there?  we knew with Poppy when we had to say goodbye as she had kidney failure and her quality of life was nothing  gone had my bouncy loving life little girl  as the kidney thing had took it's toll on her she was a shell off her former self and it wasn't fair on her to keep her going just for us  . It is hard Robbie but it is the last gift of love that you can give to your precious boy  I know how you are feeling all of us on here that have loved and lost do  give Charlie a big kiss from all of us  x x x

Tried several times to put it in my own words but these say it all. I've been here twice in last 3 years and it doesn't get any easier but, especially for Toby, who sounds as though in a very similar position, Im sure he gave a "thank you" as he slipped away & relaxed for the first time in weeks

Thinking about you both & stay strong

[cdpops]

  i can't add anything that hasn't already been said. will be thinking of you and charley.
i hope your health issues improve soon  x

[elaine.e]

Robbie I'm so sorry that Charley has reached the stage where he's at now. I remember him from the COL meet up in the New Forest when you were on holiday a couple of years ago and he was still a sprightly and happy boy then.

I know how difficult it is, especially when you're the sole carer and the full responsibility is yours, because that's exactly the position I was in some years ago with my 16 year old Cocker Josh. It can be very difficult to take a step back and try to look at your beloved companion with objective eyes, but that's what you need to do to help Charley.

I think you possibly already know in your heart. You've said that Charley is no longer recognisable as the dog he used to be and that his quality of life is poor. Please don't think that it's like casting off an old item that's no longer of use. If you make the decision to let Charley go you'll be releasing him from his confusion and distress and giving him that last gift of love that we all dread to give and hurts us so much, but lets our loved ones find peace.

Thinking of you and your lovely boy