need help

[bluesmum]

well its taken me over a week to build myself up to ask for this advise and even as i'm typing away i'm finding it hard

before we got blue we had a little yorkshire terrier - Gizmo, who unfortunatly died at nearly 15 years old from heart disease :cry: his death devastated us as he was very much a part of the family.

 well it took over a year for us to make the desision to get another pet, and then we saw Blue he was only 3 weeks old and i couldnt keep myself away from the poor breeders home over the next 5 weeks, when we brought him home i couldnt bear to leave him alone for a single moment just incase anything happened.

i,ve since dragged myself away and i mean dragged  myself to the shops but only for an hour and believe me its the longest hour i ever spend and then i forget what i went for :?   .it's not just me though, the whole family are the same, my hubby and me arrange everything around his shifts so that Blue is never alone. if there are places we can go to and we can bring Blue then thats were we go :!:  he goes everywhere with us.

Now i know a part of this goes back to Gizmo as we all still miss him , and i know the dangers of seperation anxiety for poor Blue , but we love him so much and so want to do the best by him but just dont know how to get over this, at the moment he's our whole world.

Blue doesn't seem to have a problem when i do leave him the problem lies with us :oops:

I dont want to sound dramatic but i,d very much appreciate any advise you could give as this is taking over all our lives (Blues too!)                    

[bluesmum]

just to add that Blue is 11 months old now - have we left it too late? :?                    

[Gilly]

Hiya Maria

First of all I don't think you have anything to be ashamed about. I think there must be alot of forum members who have lost old dogs at some point in their lives and can sympathise with your heartbreak over the loss of Gizmo  :cry:  I think it's nice that you take Blue everywhere with you ( I wish I could take Butty  :wink: ) but my lifestyle doesn't allow me to take her everywhere...don't think my daughters Ballet teacher would be to happy to see Butty in her class      :wink:
I would suggest very small steps at a time, maybe try leaving him for short periods of time in another room, starting with a couple of minutes and then building it up from there. Leave him something that he really likes to occupy his mind whilst your gone, ie a Kong filled with a favourite treat or a favourite toy, so that he gains something positive for being left alone. I'm sure others will have more ideas for you

Gilly                    

[Mary]

Hi Maria

You are not alone in feeling like this, although I have always left Lottie alone since she was a puppy, I did find it hard.  I even changed my work hours so that the maximum amount of time I was leaving her was 3 hours :roll:   I'm ready to change them back again now but it's taken me a long time to feel comfortable about it :wink:

You've made the first step by leaving Blue for an hour and you said he was fine.  You just need to start building on this making it a regular thing.  Keep it at an hour a day and then increase the time you leave him gradually, you may find he even likes his time alone.  Lottie can't wait for me to leave in the mornings, she gets so excited as she knows she is going to have a treat before I leave, she even starts barking at me :roll:   If I have a day off she literally sulks as it's out of her routine and she doesn't get her treat :oops:  :wink:

It will get easier for you Maria, it just takes time :wink:   Good luck.                    

[TOPAZ BILLY]

Hi Maria

Lottie can't wait for me to leave in the mornings, she gets so excited as she knows she is going to have a treat before I leave, she even starts barking at me :roll:   If I have a day off she literally sulks as it's out of her routine and she doesn't get her treat :oops:  :wink:

Mary,

Billy is exactly the same, My husband work shifts so every other week he is home for long parts of the day, other weeks we all leave at the same time and Bill goes potty almost chasing us out the house so that he can have his treat ball  

Michelle                    

[Colin]

Hi there

Maybe I've misread this, but it appears that you think that you suffer from separation anxiety and not Blue . Why feel guilty about that ? He's lucky to have owners that care about him so much. If your concern is that he may develop this as a result, then you could follow Gilly's advice and build up time gradually. I did this with my dogs, I had to deliberately leave them alone occassionally just to get them used to it.

My dogs come with me practically everywhere too, if they aren't welcome then I don't go. Some people may see it as unhealthy in some way but to be honest I couldn't care less. I work from home, although not in the same room as them a lot of the time, so they aren't used to being left alone for much more than 2 hours. It can create some problems but I just work my way round it if necessary. I'd rather feel guilty for not leaving them alone enough, than feel guilty for leaving them alone too much. :wink:

I guess we all have different lifestyles and priorities so all do things differently as a result. Personally I don't think there's a right way and a wrong way, as long as we all do what we think is best.                    

[Magic Star]

Awww Maria!!

Your not alone with this and you know it!!! :wink:   Right I have a solution,  how about a long lunch session at the pub   When the kids are at school and Sean is at work :wink:  


PS I'll drive, so you can have a tipple :wink:                    

[bluesmum]

Hi there

Maybe I've misread this, but it appears that you think that you suffer from separation anxiety and not Blue . Why feel guilty about that ? He's lucky to have owners that care about him so much. If your concern is that he may develop this as a result, then you could follow Gilly's advice and build up time gradually. I did this with my dogs, I had to deliberately leave them alone occassionally just to get them used to it.

My dogs come with me practically everywhere too, if they aren't welcome then I don't go. Some people may see it as unhealthy in some way but to be honest I couldn't care less. I work from home, although not in the same room as them a lot of the time, so they aren't used to being left alone for much more than 2 hours. It can create some problems but I just work my way round it if necessary. I'd rather feel guilty for not leaving them alone enough, than feel guilty for leaving them alone too much. :wink:

I guess we all have different lifestyles and priorities so all do things differently as a result. Personally I don't think there's a right way and a wrong way, as long as we all do what we think is best.

your right colin, it is us that has the seperation anxiety!!!!!! :oops: and 9 times out of 10 alls well to be with Blue all day but sometimes when you need to go somewhere, i.e. doc appointments, parents evenings, childrens activities etc it's then that it becomes a problem! :?

Thank you all for your kind replies and i now feel that maybe i'm not so much doing it all wrong but just generally caring about my boy! :wink:                    

[bluesmum]

Awww Maria!!

Your not alone with this and you know it!!! :wink:   Right I have a solution,  how about a long lunch session at the pub   When the kids are at school and Sean is at work :wink:  


PS I'll drive, so you can have a tipple :wink:

hi Emma

i really did feel alone!!!  i've spoken to your mum (indiesnan - who is someone i really look up to in our doggy world) quite alot on this subject, and she's given me loads of advise but i couldnt and still cant leave Blue alone for very long :?

Thankyou so much for the invitation of lunch but dont think i'm ready for that just yet :wink: but you and your lovely indie would be very welcome to come to my house anytime, in fact we'd love to see you!!!                    

[Pammy]

Maria - you've already had some very good tips there and as you say yourself, it's you that feels the anxiety more than Blue :cry: . You clearly already know that you must leave Blue as there will be times when you have to leave him. Blue will be fine, but I think you need to think about yourself. If you have such a deep seated fear of leaving him, perhaps you should talk to your doctor.

Gizmo had a good long life and from what you say left this world through old age, nothing you did by leaving him. You must have lots of happy memories of Gizmo, help get over this problem you have over leaving Blue and you'll allow yourself to develop lots more with Blue. The welcome you get when you come home to your fluff ball is well worth developing

hth                    

[PennyB]

Its worth tackling slowly like everything and it'll do you both the world of good. I have friends who can no longer go out together because they won't deal with their dog's separation anxiety (either that or they can't go out at all and a lot of that is one person's anxiety as much as the dog's).

Mine come with me a lot but I do like to have my own life without them sometimes and you never know when you have to go somewhere they can't and it really isn't possible to take them with you (as one friend found out when she was in hospital for a week and one of her dogs suffered really badly, now she's having to work on it for when she has to go back to work).                    

[Magic Star]

you and your lovely indie would be very welcome to come to my house anytime, in fact we'd love to see you!!!

Same with you and Blue, Maria  Call around anytime for a coffee and a chat, with or without Blue   You can help me paint my living room if you like :wink:    :roll:  Worth a try anyway :twisted:                    

[bluesmum]

i'm going to make a real effort to leave Blue a little longer as i do know that it will be good for both him and me, I do think maybe that i'm still grieving a little over Gizmo and i guess i've just been an over protective doggy mum! :roll: (you should see me with my children!!! :shock: ) and its good to know that there are other people like myself who want to be with their pet as much as they can. :wink:

thank you again for all the advise. x