when does the pain go?

[Mr Darcy]

Think i would trade OH and "his usual nasty self" for a cocker.

[Tattydi]

I woke up this morning thinking the very same thing as tears were pouring down my face, its been just over three months since I had Max PTS  I miss him everyday.  My OH doesnt want us to get any more dogs either ( we do have a Jack Russell who is 8 this year) we dont argue about it YET as i cant replace Max !  But OH says he wants the freedom to do things too and dogs are a tie!  He also doesnt understand why i havent got over him yet so i cry in private (shower, loo, in bed when im alone)  I too want the pain to go away and think of Max with happy thoughts instead of tears, can hardly see screen for tears.  I try and block it most of the time but come on here for my daily fix of cockers!

[EmmaA]

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so sad    
I know exactly how you feel and even now nearly a year and a half after I lost Groove things set me off crying, I still talk to him and I still have a heavy heart whenever I think about him, so no you are not mad.
You will slowly start to find that you can think of Benji and smile and the upset feelings come fewer and further between. You will never completely get over it and the pain will never totally go, but it does get easier I promise    

[skyesmum]

Like everyone else has said, the pain doesn't ever really go - but you do learn to live alongside it.

go easy on yourself and have a good cry when you want to...

take care 

[theshrew]

Sorry for your loss. As people have said you never forget them but it does get better. The odd time i get upset now after 6 years. The best thing to do is remember the great time you had together. I also had a plate made for him and mounted it in his fav spot in the garden which i always talk to.

Chin up it will get better.

[julesph]

It is so hard when you lose a dog and I agree with others who have said that time truly is a great healer and that in time you will smile at the fond memories and not cry so much at the heartbreaking loss you feel. 

We recently lost two of our beautiful Springers, both rescued in middle age and so we knew that we may not have too long with them.  We lost Bracken in October and Lucy only a couple of months ago very unexpectedly.  The pain was at first overwhelming but is now overpowered by the knowledge that we gave them the absolute best of everything when they were with us and that they cold not have been happier or better cared for.  This helped us through our darkest moments.  I do hope that thinking this way will give you some comfort too.

When it comes to getting another dog, I think that people think in very different ways.  I have a friend who lost her girl years ago and will never get another.  As for us, we never think that having another dog is a replacement for one that we have lost.....they can never be replaced because they are all unique and wonderful in their own ways.  But what we do feel is that when we are ready, we can offer a home to an abused or neglected dog (we always rescue for this reason) and that they can benefit from our care and love in the same way that our special dogs before them have done.  I see it as a kind of tribute to the dog we have lost and to think of it this way really helps.

I am so very for your loss and I know how you must be feeling.  All I can say is that it will be a long and sometimes difficult process but that you will come through it and that you will be able to think in terms of lovely memories and joy rather than focusing on your sadness and loss.  You know the strength of the love and the bond between you will never go - it's only changed and it will always be there.  I send you much love from all of us here - thinking of you.

[cazza]

   I'm so sorry 

I too am grieving and it is hard - so I know where you are coming from 

[Roslyn McConnell]

Well if ur OH doesnt want to hear ur stories I do so talk to us here if you feel like it. 

I agree that bring a dog into a house where everyone living there is not all for it is prob a bad idea but what about taking some of the dogs in the rescue centers near you out or helping out a neighbour with walking theirs? I know what u mean about there being 'an empty space' beside u when u expect to see a mad blur of cockerness!

I think ur OH is being a little unfair on you, maybe he is dealing with it in his own way by being silent about it (alot of men do) but by what you've said u seem to be taking is alot harder than him and could do with some extra TLC. Give yourself time and dont let him rush you to 'get over it' cause it will just all come exploding out later!

It honestly does get better, I promise 

[JennyBee]

Well if ur OH doesnt want to hear ur stories I do so talk to us here if you feel like it. 

I agree, if you feel you can share your memories of Benji on here, I'd love to hear about him

[cindere528]

Sorry, but ditch the OH & get another dog 

[mary w]

Everything has been said and it is all true, It’s a little bit the other way around in our house. We still have Ben but OH wants another dog, at the moment I don’t feel I’m ready. I was in bits (still am) when I lost my darling blue roan Jak last October.
I just want you to know that my heart is with you give yourself time, you will never forget but it does get a bit easier to live with in time. You only have to read some of my post to know you are def not mad, and not alone.

Mary
 

[dog22]

 :luv:you are all so lovely thankyou very much for listening(well reading)about my sadness after Benji bo bo.Tattydi I feel for you if you are going throught the same thing.A neighbour of mine said to me today that if i were to have another dog she would look after it for me if i had to go away ever and she would have it there to get used to her 2 dogs so they would be friends.That was so nice of her.oh has said i can get 100 dogs but he wont be responsible for the care(dont expect him to be) and that if he wanted to go and do something I would have to stay behind.He said that last time but when i got Benji he was always taking Benji out for walks and in the van which Benji loved.He was the man then!To be honest its Benji I miss more than the actual thing of having a dog around.We went for a walk today over his favourite field and i was in tears because when i looked behind he wasnt there.

[Tattydi]

I know what you mean Its Max I miss his cuddles, his kisses his expressions even his barking, just getting another dog wouldnt fill the gap he has left in my heart, I watched Marley and me last night and oh i wish i hadnt, was having a bad enough day I hadnt realised the ending would be so like Max's I thought i was being silly by still getting upset but its not getting easier but harder each day.  At least knowing others feels the same makes it a little easier.

[johndoran]

Whats a walk without a dog, preferably a cocker

[dog22]

indeed what is a walk without a deserving dog to walk with you.today I took the step and planted the rose my daughter bought for me for Benji and placed some of his ashes beneath it.tomorrow i will scatter some more of his ashes where i scattered his prediccesssor Rosie and then again in his favourite place on the back field.Then he isnt with me in any shape or form any more.That will be hard.