when does the pain go?

[supergirl]

I lost my gorgeous Indie in Sept 2007 (she was only a year old), and a day doesn't go by when I don't think about her.  But I don't cry anymore (well not too often now), am more likely to smile at the things she used to do that made me laugh, as all the memories I have of her are as a puppy.  Just wanted to say it does get better, and you have just make the most of your memories.  Also getting Misha did help to put a smile back on my face.

[hle]

I am so sorry, not only for your loss but for your OH. You must be a saint! Time does heal(slightly) so hang in there. When I lost my dog, Sandy I was 22 and had not long lost my mum. I was absolutely devastated. But hey, I'm still here, I can laugh and look back at the good times I had with Sandy. Now I have Cody and I owe it to him to love him for who he is and not try to make him into Sandy. Give yourself time to get over Benji but never forget him. As for the OH - I can't say on here. Good luck.

[Annie's Mum]

I think we all can relate to you... I was lucky only in the sense that when we lost Ollie OH was as heartbroken as me and we got Annie quite quickly. You both do want to want another though as they should be a member of the family...give OH time..I'm sure he'll think differently

[dog22]

have had the conversation again tonight.he says i can go ahead and get another dog but its none of his responsibility.the thing is i have a 17 year old autistic son who is with us for a while-maybe for ever.he has just signed into another 2 years at college as he is atm unemployable due to his condition and the way he is generally.so after Benji was pts oh said i could go out and get a job that was more hours now my son is going to have 2 more years at college and we live in the sticks and no bus route i need to be here for him so am having to stay with the 3-4 part time jobs i have all  mind numbingly boring...cleaning cleaning and more cleaning as it enables me to be there for my son when he needs lifts to college as he does odd hours.so I could have another doggie friend for myself.but then thats wrong apparently.sorry just needed to offload.

[debrand]

Sorry you are having such a tough time.
I am the dog-lover in our relationship but fortunately my OH has never felt so strongly against having one and always gets attached to them when they come along. Unfortunatley I think you do need them to be onboard for many reasons. 
Maybe it is his way of protecting himself against the loss of another dog 
I hope he comes around as another dog would really help you and I am sure it would also be good for your son,
Take care   

[Tattydi]

have had the conversation again tonight.he says i can go ahead and get another dog but its none of his responsibility.the thing is i have a 17 year old autistic son who is with us for a while-maybe for ever.he has just signed into another 2 years at college as he is atm unemployable due to his condition and the way he is generally.so after Benji was pts oh said i could go out and get a job that was more hours now my son is going to have 2 more years at college and we live in the sticks and no bus route i need to be here for him so am having to stay with the 3-4 part time jobs i have all  mind numbingly boring...cleaning cleaning and more cleaning as it enables me to be there for my son when he needs lifts to college as he does odd hours.so I could have another doggie friend for myself.but then thats wrong apparently.sorry just needed to offload.

I am so sorry you  having a rough time all round, it cant be easy and a new doggie would give you the perk you sound as if you need, would OH not come round once the dog was with you?

I do hope you can sort it I hate to hear people are having such problems, I suppose Im lucky we still have our little jack Russell who is now getting very spoilt as the only dog in the house. 

GOOD LUCK !

[stuffster]

Sorry to hear how rough things are. Grief can make people react differently - it could be that your OH is being like he is because he is really hurting inside and is trying to protect himself from further pain by not wanting another dog. You and he are dealing with your grief in different ways - whereas you want to talk about it, he seems to want to block it out! Try not to let it spoil your relationship with him, if you can.

My OH was very reluctant to get a pup because he lost his cocker a year before I met him, and was still really hurting from it. When I eventually persuaded him to let me get Purdey, he kept trying not to get too close to her as it brought up so many sore feelings, but she has wormed her way into his heart, in that way that cockers do! However he still tells me she is MY dog, especially when she is being naughty!

[teddybongo]

Dear dog22

I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss. I can totally understand how you feel. I lost Jasper, my golden Cocker nearly 7 years ago (will be 7 years on 6th June).

I can tell you that with time you will learn to live with the pain, it doesn't go but it becomes bearable. I miss Jasper so much still. Sometimes, I have those moments where it comes from nowhere and I sob my heart out as if he'd only just left me. But the times between are getting longer and longer. I still think of him every day but I am stronger because of it.

I'm sorry that you OH is not being understanding. Perhaps it is his way of coping?  You sound as if you have a lot on your plate with your son and perhaps he feels that you need no more burden in your life. You should give yourself time to grieve. And then, if you still feel you need to get another spaniel then talk again with your OH. You might find time will have given you both time to catch your breath and see how the land lies.

Because of work committments etc I didn't get my new spaniel Edward for another two years. But when I did get him, goodness me was he a handful !!!  In fact, nearly 5 years later he still is !!!  We also now have his mother Poppy living with us. She was being retired last year and we couldn't resist so now we are a 2 spangle family. Anyone who tells you two isn't double trouble is fibbing !!!


I hope you're feeling better today, sending you lots of hugs and Edward and Poppy send you a special spangle hug and a kiss.

Mx

[dog22]

thankyou everyone.I am getting slightly better in small degrees.Benjis loss is still great and i cant believe its only been a month today as it seems so very much longer.

[dog22]

Its been over 2 months now and yesterday I was in my bedroom and i definately heard Benji asking to go out.It was the sound he made when he wanted to go out for a wee and he hadnt managed to get anyone to notice so he became vocal.Not a bark just a little sound to get me to hear him.I did actually go to look at the foot of the stairs and fully expected to see him there.Of course I didnt.Then this morning when I came downstairs i heard his basket creak from the frontroom as it did when I came down in the morning and he got out of his bed to greet me.His basket is in the garden at the moment as it was in the shed til yesterday and I got it out to sit in the sunshine.Not sure what to make of all this.

[MacTavish Boys]

I would take this as a sign of Benji letting you know that he is ok and in his own way, giving you a bit of comfort he knows how much you loved him 

take care 
Stephanie, George and Hamish xxx

[Rats and Dogs]

I can't imagine the pain ever going, but I know that one day I will be able to think of Gari without breaking down. I talk about him constantly and still have his bed and his toybox sitting out for visiting dogs to use. I had my friend's 2 Cockers staying from Saturday until yesterday, and they were a great help, although we were still wishing Gari was here.

Benji will live on in your heart and your memories, like Gari will with us, they will always be with us because we love them so much.

I'm sorry your OH isn't being supportive, but it sounds as though he is grieving too and doesn't know how to show it. I know my OH is heartbroken, he talks about Gari all the time and cries a lot, which I never expected, and is desperate for another Cocker to come and share our home, although we know nothing can replace Gari.

Think long and hard about getting another dog, and if you think it is right for you then do it, you will never look back. You will love the new dog just as much, but in a different way from the way you love Benji.

[cindere528]

I can't put it any better than Fiona did above.

I have recently lost 2 dogs within 6 weeks of each other and the pain is indescribable at times 

BUT - I adopted Violet from Many Tears just over a week ago and she is making me smile and even laugh every single day.

This morning, I was sitting in bed drinking my coffee and I saw Dillon on the bed, lying in a patch of sunshine just like he used to do. I reached out to stroke him and he wasn't there    I think he just came back for a quick visit to make sure I was ok.

I hope you and your OH can come to some agreement about getting another dog. IMO it's the best way to heal your broken heart

[Mudmagnets]

I would agree with what the others have said. I lost Suzie in March, and only today I was walking with Katie and Smudge in the woods where we all used to go, and could have been sure she was with us at some stage of the walk.

Feels comforting to know somehow she is still herding us up and keeping an eye.

[Kimberley]

Your are definitely not mad, we have all been there and know exactly what you are going through, just think of the treasured memories you have of your dog when you can smile without  going into a deep sadness then you're getting there.