Can't Cope Much Longer

[Robbie34]

I have mentioned here before of the problems I'm having with Charley, and I just can't take any more.

Charley will be fifteen in a few weeks and is blind, deaf, and suffering with dementia.  The last couple of weeks have been dreadful as he has been making so much mess in the house.  The odd mishap I can cope with, but it has been worse than that.  The other day he had made a mess in the kitchen that I cleaned up.  Put him out in the garden for a while and brought him inside.  Later, I went for a shower, and came downstairs to find that he had messed in the kitchen, and then walked round and round in it so that it was spread everywhere.  Fortunately, the kitchen is tiled, so with the aid of almost a half roll of kitchen towel, I cleaned up the mess and sprayed the area with disinfectant.  Then used the steam mop to finish off.  In the early hours of one morning last week I was woken by Charley howling.  I left him for a short time because he regularly does this and then goes back to sleep.   After ten minutes I had to go downstairs to see what was wrong.  He was pacing around the hall and crying for no obvious reason.  I took him outside for a while, and then brought him inside.  Charley now sleeps in the hall in his bed as I'm unable to carry him upsatirs, and he can't get upstairs by himself.  He settled down and slept through the rest of the night.

This morning, I came downstairs to find that he had made a mess in the hall in three places, and then walked in it all over the carpet.  In the dim light I also trod in it on the way across to switch on the light.  I was distraught to say the least, and spent a good half hour cleaning up with kitchen towels before using the steam cleaner.  I could then let Henry outside and prepare breakfast.  I put Charley outside for a time before I had breakfast.  After breakfast a neighbour came to take Henry for his walk - I'm unable to do so since I'm recovering from an operation, and have to go for an MRI scan on 7th January.  When Henry returned I put Charley outside for a while before going upstairs for a shower.  When I came down Charley had again messed in the kitchen and trampled it all over the floor, so another half hour or so cleaning up again.  

I really can't take much more.  All of this is on top of Charley wandering around the lounge, crying for no good reason, and knocking things over.  He regularly stands in his water bowl and knocks it over, with a few litres sloshing around the floor.   I have had to put down a small bowl, and fill it frequently, otherwise there would be water everywhere.

Charley doesn't have much quality of life as it's not possible to take him for a walk, and he won't allow me to cuddle him.  His groomer will no longer cut him as he howls and squirms making it impossible for her to cut him.  He spends most of the time sleeping; when he's awake he walks round and round crying.  However, he enjoys his food, and gobbles down his raw minced chicken with gusto.

I have held off dealing with the situation, but I fear I won't be able to hold off much longer.  A number of friends think I'm cruel for not having him put to sleep, but I have not been able to bring myself to think about this.

Sorry, that this has been so drawn out, and I'd welcome any observations.

[JohnK]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad story.

I have always believed that whilst your dog has its dignity and is enjoying life, you stick with it. There does come a time when you have to play GOD and its something we all dread.

I have usually known when I have to take on that role, but I always take my vets advice, though ultimately you have to make the decision.

I don't envy your dilemma but it does sound like you are coming to that point.

Our first dog, Bobby, was a mongrel and 15 years old, who loved us to bits, but he had deteriorated in a similar manner to your boy and 17 years ago on New Years Eve, I got up to find him lay in his own mess and unable to get up. He looked up towards me, even though he was blind, as if to say, "Dad, I've had enough".

It was a hard choice, but I knew it was best for him, even though it broke my heart.

When Danny was having his chemo, the vets said it is not to prolong life as for humans, but to prolong quality of life. Once there is no quality they refuse to give the treatment. 

[luckypenny]

Crying reading this - you are in such a sad and difficult situation. I have no advice, but am thinking of you and Charley

[Ruby Tuesday]

Your post makes heart breaking reading and I'm so sorry for you and Charley.

All I can really say is that sometimes you have to make the hardest decision for you in the best in the interest of your pet. It sounds like Charley doesn't have much dignity or quality of life left.

I do know how hard it is. Six years ago, we had to make the difficult decision that our Cassie had had enough.

I wish you courage and strength in your decision x

[YvonneC22]

I'm not experienced in this but just wanted to give big hugs, it's got to be difficult to see them like that  

He's not in any pain is he?? Could be pure frustration for him  

Big hugs tho xxxx

[Poppypuppy09]

I am so sorry to read your dilemma and John has put things perfectly  

 I have stood more or less in your shoes with my JR Max. Max would sleep for 16 hours straight off, he was disorientated and got to the point where he didn't even seem to know who I was even when I was cuddling him  ....he was an old gent and his time had come  

Its the hardest decision we have to make as animal owners and my heart goes out to you  

[lindseyp]

I'm so so sorry to be reading this Robbie but in all honesty, I'm not terribly surprised 

A you've mentioned in previous posts, poor Charleys health has been deteriating over this past year but sounds like it is progressing rapidly now.

I think I'm right in saying, in humans the ability to eat/swallow is the last function that can continue when all others are failing & guess it would be so in dogs too ....... Charley may 'enjoy' his meal  but could it also be his last ability to still be functioning as it should? 

My heart goes out to you Robbie & dread the day I may have to face this situation for myself but would feel blessed to be able to deal with it as you are doing & to of given Charley the best life an owner can ..... I cannot say what is the right thing to do for you or Charley, as this is such a personal matter but send you many caring thoughts for you all at this time   

   

[Neon]

It's a tough one and only a decision you can make.  I've always, always told myself that if any of my beloved dogs had a very diminished quality of life, then I would make that decision quickly.

Taking the mess that you are having to clear up, seemingly on a regular basis, out of the equation, you are left with a pet who is blind, deaf and suffering from dementia and loss of dignity.

If I was in that position myself, and could opt for euthanasia, I most definitely would.

BUT, this is my opinion only and not meant to sway you either way.  If you truly feel Charley is suffering and you cannot take it anymore, maybe the time has come for you to think about making a decision.

I'm so sorry for the pain you must be going through - what a sad story this is.  

[KellyT]

Lindsey has said it perfectly in my opinion.
However I will add that I don't believe you have been cruel to Charley in continuing as you have this year, it's just things have gotten to a point where a decision perhaps is needed, and I can understand how you would feel that it is so unfair to you and Charley since although he isn't 'quite right' he isn't injured or sick (in a physical way which would make your decision 'easier' if you get what I mean)

Massive virtual hugs to you and squishes for Charley and Henry too xxx

[Sharon]

I'm sorry to read this, we had our Rosie pts nearly 3 years ago, she had dementia too.

I think in your heart you know what has to be done, it's the kindest thing, it broke my heart when Rosie left us but I know it was the right thing.

This may sound harsh, but please do the kindest thing, I know it's hard, but his quality of life isn't good, it's time to end his suffering  

[abkb]

I just want to firstly say that having met you, the wonderful Charley and of course Henry at Formby, no one could ever suggest you were being cruel. You clearly love your dogs immensely, and appear to always put them first.

I must admit though, after only reading half of your post my mind was drawn to it being time for the bridge. However, Charley is obviously your lifelong companion, and I can't even comprehend the thought of making such a gut wrenching decision.

But only you can make that decision, and we will be here with our wholehearted support whatever you decide x

[MIN]

it is a hard call to make and I do not envy you. Have made the call myself too many times.
Poor Charley, but I wonder, is he himself, trying to tell you. (this is hard to write) he can not look at you in the eyes, so you cant see the sign.  Sit with him, cuddle and love him, decide together.  Got to finish there sorry

[lynnruby]

Oh dear   we found ourselves in a similar situation nearly 2 years ago with our lovely old boy (Lab) He could see, but only just I think and he was completely deaf.  He could no longer get upstairs or even walk very far.  In the end OH and I had to carry him into the garden for a wee and we were sleeping on the floor downstairs with him. We were physically and emotionally exhausted but determined to do our best for him as we had done since we got him at 8 weeks old.  

We always said that if he wasn't enjoying life, wasn't wanting to be part of the family, we would know he'd had enough.  Sadly that time came and we had to make that awful decision.  As John said, it is something we all dread  ................but I think we knew, we knew by the way he looked at us and we had to let him go............

Whatever happens, we will be here for you  

[HeatherandBenjy]

My heart goes out to you Robbie, I do know how very hard it is to watch your dog deteriorating, especially when it is as rapid as Charley's seems to be at the moment. I also know how very exhausting it is to be constantly clearing up after an incontinent elderly dog, which at the same time adds to the confusion as you feel guilty about getting fed up of clearing up mess. It must be especially hard as you are also recovering from surgery

I can't tell you what to do, but perhaps I can share my thoughts when I've been in similar situations.

I firmly believe that dogs only know about quality of life. They don't measure time as we do, they only know whether they're alright at any given period of time.

When our Benjy springer was deteriorating at the end of his life, we would question daily and then hourly whether we were still doing the right thing by not having him pts. Its agonising and it hurts like hell. The best piece of wisdom that has ever been given to me about having a pet pts is, "better a week too early than a minute too late."
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if Charley's quality of life is now limited and if he's not going to get any better, at some point we have to make the painful decision to stop things getting worse for them.

Charley has been so lucky to live a wonderful life with you. I'm sending hugs by the bucketfull for you, be gentle with yourself, you're going through a really tough time

[JennyBee]

I am so, so sorry you are going through this . I have no advice beyond what everyone else has said, except to say it comes through in your posts just how much you care for your boy and in no way can you be thought of as being cruel to him. Thinking of you as you make this very difficult decision