End of my tether......advice please....

[buttercup]

   We have had Ollie for 2wks today and for the past week it has been hideous....I am wishing I could turn back the clock and that we hadn't got him and that makes me feel awful because we have spent forever looking into having a dog join the family again.  We had an ill-fated adoption of a rescue puppy in February (who was ill when we took him and who sadly died a month later) and so we were really excited when we decided it was the right time for a new puppy to join the family.  The first week went pretty well - I was prepared for sleepless nights and toilet training etc so it was not too much of a shock.  I was also ready for puppy biting, but not to the degree we are now getting from Ollie.  Tbh I dread being with him and dread trying to do anything with him.  Short of having him in another room from us all the time, it is a deluge of biting from morning to night.  He has shredded my hands to pieces and ripped through trousers in his quest.  I have read loads of posts about this and have tried following the No Bite method....always with the result of trying to remove either him or me.....which normally results in loads more bites if I have taken him to the garden to toilet.  I read about this getting better in a few months although I have also seen posts from people where this is continuing 8-12 months later.....I really don't think I can handle that prospect.  I am short tempered (mainly with myself!) and feel exhausted and tearful all the time. I have already morphed into an emotional wreck that I don't recognise at all.  I have to shut my children away from the puppy all the time and feel that I am having to expect way too much of them and interfere with everything they do.  I feel guilty everyway possible, guilty I am not experienced enough and patient enough with the dog, and guilty for feeling so frustrated when he is just a puppy. Am I in isolation in feeling like this and everyone I speak to thinks I am having such fun with a lovely cuddly puppy and I don't feel that way at all. I really don't feel I can continue like this....is my best option for all of us to try and return him to the breeder so they can find a new home for him while he is still little or will it get better? Am I maybe just the wrong type of person to have a dog? Any advice really appreciated.

[EmmaA]

I am sure you are not the wrong type of person to have a dog.

I haven't got much advice sorry but I can assure you it does get better. Have you tried giving puppy a toy that he is allowed to bite and chew when he starts chewing you? I would say no when he is nipping, then give him a toy and engage in some play with it, if he starts on you again give him the toy again and on and on. It is hard work doing the same thing over and over but they do get the idea eventually.

You will be feeling very tired at the moment as new puppies are a constant bind. You are forever having to watch them and think about what they might need and that coupled with the lack of sleep is very draining. Try to stay strong and you will come through this. 

[september]

Sorry you are feeling down about puppy.  Have you got a dog training book.  We had Gwen Baileys 'perfect puppy' and she now also has 'how to train a superdog' which is excellent and a bit more general than just puppies.  That will give you more ideas.  Also what about dog training classes or if puppy is too little and can't go out you could get the trainer to come to you to give you some ideas.

Can't advise about the children as don't have any but Roxy was a nightmare biter and is still quite mouthy when not handled right.  It does get better once they start sleeping longer and start learning commands.

make sure you have plenty of toys and don't play with Ollie unless its with a toy so you can shove it in his mouth.  Keep doing the time outs if he is nipping you and being mouthy - he will learn after a while. If he nips when you pick him up to put him in a room for a time out then leave him where he is and remove yourself.  As for going to the loo, what about luring him outside with a treat so you don't have to pick him up.  you could also consider a house line when he is used to collar and lead then you can remove him from situations without a confrontation.

Play lots of games to tire him out.  Even if you can't go out with him you can start training easy things like sit and paw etc in your garden and also start practicing recall and getting him used to the lead.

There are lots of more experienced people about who will have tons more advice.

Hurtwood dogs (Hannah) alsways gives good advice about puppies and children so hopefully she will see this post.

[Brimbeck(Dyllan)]

It will get better.
How old are your children?

[waggytails]

I have to admit, i found the first few weeks very hard and not really the pleasure i was expecting it to be, with me it was not so much the biting it was the sleepless nights and constantly being on duty watching Millie my old dog with her, aged 13 years at the time, the stress level was very high and i was very emotional.  I remember being in the garden when my oh got home and crying, telling him i cant do this, she would be better off some where Else.  I can honestly say it does get better and easier, I would not be without Hattie, she is the light of my life as well as Millie.  Have you got plenty chew type toys?  I got a good one from p@h it was plastic with a cloth threaded through it and knotted on either end. Good luck and dont be so hard on yourself.

[Ben's mum]

so sorry you are feeling fed up at the moment.  Try not to panic though I am sure you will be great cocker mum!
I think we are all programmed to think puppies are just georgous and we should love them to bits instantly, well it took me a good few weeks to fall in love with Ben   as I had all the issues you have and I just didn't know how I would cope (and I didn't even know about COL than )  TBH I didn't even like him that much sometimes, as all he seemed to do was bite and wee    now he is my whole world and I don't know what I would do without him.

I also was beating myself up because I thought I was a failure as a dog owner.  Puppies are such hard work and it can take a while before it all seems to come right - but it will    
I'm sure lots of people on here will give you great advice and before you know it you will be enjoying Ollie and be on here supporting other new puppy mums going through those first few weeks of hell  

keep your chin up it gets much better!

[lindseyp]

Bless you buttercup ......1st a big take a few deep breaths & take comfort from the fact that you are not a bad puppy mum 
IMO, despite all your good homework, the reality of having 'a cute, cuddly, snuggly puppy isn't what you imagined it to be & you are probably in shock at this 'little monster' you are now the owner of.....................(not always!) but quite often this is normal!! The picture people have of adorable puppies, in reality is vary rare. They are ankle biting, needle sharp teethed, 'i only have selective hearing' little gremlins .......but they are babies & this is where you step in to teach them  ( & like with real kids, it can take some time for them to learn what is acceptable behaviour & that which is not)
You sound exhausted at the moment but if you are able to stick with little Ollie, things will improve but he needs you to show/teach him how to become a member of your family. (over & over again if necessary)
He's so young yet, but soon you will be able to enrol in puppy classes & go on little walks & his attention will focus on new things & not just your limbs 
This forum is superb for advice & I'm sure those more knowledgable than me, will come along with some excellent tips for you. Books are also excellent, as is the NET but also your vets may be able to offer immediate help (or know a dog trainer local to yourself who could give you advice.)
If you are able to, buttercup, stick with your little man because the joy he will give you (with all the hard work ) & your family over the years will reward you ten fold 
Good luck & would love to hear how you get on 

[BettyBoo]

I was a woman on the edge for the first few months we had Betty She was a complete horror, leaping up to bite the backs of my thighs when I walked past her and my hands and arms were in such a state. Added to that I was up at 6 every morning and exhausted. We did the time out with the biting which was quite time consuming but worked eventually.
However, she did spend most of the first few months in the kitchen behind her baby gate. We were in there quite a lot of the time with her but it was more to keep her from bothering our older dog. Now she's so cuddly and affectionate and I wouldn't be without her for the world
Please don't give up with little Ollie, it does get better (promise). And keep coming back to this site, it got me through many a dark hour

[luckypenny]

Lindseyp must be more technically minded 'cos she can do a hug, but I can't, so I'll just do a smile :blink:I can't offer much help, but just wanted to say persevere with the tips given above and things will get better - I feel so sorry for you 'cos you sound exhausted, but remember that lack of sleep can make things seem even worse than they are. I remember being really upset when my son was in tears with the biting  - we had previously had a lovely gentle cavalier and then in came this mouth on legs!! Keep your chin up.  

[rwasinski]

Buttercup, please please hang on in there.

We became puppy parents for the very first time back in June and nothing could really have prepared us for the exhaustion, tears and frustration. There certainly was a point where we just couldn't go anywhere near Blodwen as she would simply lunge at us. We didn't know what hit us. It should last weeks, not months. We had gashes up our arms, legs, ankles, fingers. This should not last months, the worst should last just a few weeks. By Week 14/15, the worst was well and truly over with Blodwen and she had us in tears several times it got so, so bad. She does have the odd mouthing now (she is 5 months old now) but that is only when she gets super excited with playing and with firm 'ah ah', she knows the score. The difference a few weeks makes is amazing. The only thing that worked with Blodwen at the worst stage was to put her out of the room (which sometimes involved dragging her by the trouser bottom along the kitchen floor) or leaving the room ourselves, in and out, in and out.)

COL is a Godsend. When you're feeling at your lowest of the lows, at anytime of the day, you have a huge support network here online...and replies to your posts will come almost immediately because there is always someone online (Fiona Rats and Dogs doesn't go to bed until 1am!!   and so many of us are up super early due to puppy alarm clocks!)

Focus on long term, not the now...because your pup will grow so quickly and pass through so much growing up, this will all be in the past soon and your little puppy's personality will develop and your bond will get stronger. Each week you will see changes and improvements in puppy behaviour. It's not easy by any means - it is hard hard work - especially with work, housework, life stress etc but Blodwen means the world to us now and I never thought I would feel such a powerful love for a dog.

[M4ndy]

Awww, deep breath and nice cup of tea. I can't do hugs either!
As all the others say it does get better! When we bought Jasmine home she was really sweet and she fell asleep on my 4 year olds lap and they were the best of friends. That lasted for 2 days 
Basically you need to sort out how to keep the kids and pup separated for now. You either need a puppy pen, some stair gates or a crate where puppy can go while you are busy. Only have kids and puppy together when you are giving them 100% attention. Don't panic this is only for now.
Get a large soft toy (or several) and keep this between you and pup so it can't get its teeth on your flesh. Also have lots of puppy chews, kongs, rags tied in knots, anything to keep those needle sharp teeth busy.
I would get a house line on her asap and pretty much keep it on all the time so you can have some control. I had to use one with Jasmine and it was on fairly constantly for the first few months when she was out of her pen.
The book recommendations are great and a real help.
This is probably not the last time you will feel like this though. Puppies can be right devils and you will have good and bad days for quite a while but if its any consolation I was just thinking about putting together some pictures of Jasmine and my 1 year old. They are inseparable now and complete partners in crime. Jasmine is nearly a year now but that year has flown by.

[buttercup]

Oh my goodness - posted in a moment of complete despair - went upstairs to bath the kids and returned to all the posts - thank you so so much - can't believe how kind everyone is  

Just to reply to some of the questions:  he's 10 wks old and has had 1st vacc's - next one on Monday so still at home in the garden at the mo.  I have read lots - in fact I think maybe too much and am trying to wade between the differing theories and ideas.....The vets have put me on the list for puppy classes and should have more info for me on Monday.  I have been trying to do lots of activities with the myriad of toys......and have started very basic training and so far have mastered sit, down and starting to try and do some lead work.  Also varying degrees of success on recall!  
He doesn't seem to be particularly toy orientated -we have got quite a wide variety.....but most are ignored in favour of flesh or contraband items at the moment! His favourite seems to be the "ragga" and hurling himself in and out of the flower beds grabbing at branches and plants....it's saved me having to prune anyway!

I think you are probably right - it is exhausting and overwhelming and that is probably not helping one bit.....especially coupled with a husband working abroad until next week!  My kids btw are 9, 7 and 4 (all at school so thought would be good time to have time with a puppy)  They are all being fantastic - they aren't being manic, have followed all the advice I have told them and shown them and are getting involved in feeding meals and my middle son is trying some training with me. I am supervising them all the time to try and avoid upset on either side.

When he is chilling in his crate it seems much easier to remain rational - when he is attached to my calf for the hundreth time of the day it is harder.  I am going to try and take a day at a time and continue searching out advice and information....hopefully we will get there in the end.  

[karenann]

I knew what i was letting myself in for as had lost my westie after eighteen years but you forget how tiring looking after a puppy is. cleo is biting for England and now starting on ankles. She really hurts at times and have scratches to prove it. Am constantly either saying no or putting her or myself out of the room plus i always seem to have a mop in my hand. It was a shock to the system and have to admit wondered if i,d done the right thing, my westie was so good. She has it seems at least 3 or 4 mad half hours a day but if she gets too much i put her away from me to calm down. The biting is a puppy thing and will get better and you have to be firm but gentle. they can be like naughty children and when cleo is like that i think well i brought up 2 kids ok you can.t be any worse as the others have said give lots of other things to bite on in fact i have been giving cleo half a scraped carrot these last two days. Keeps her busy for ages and she eats it. You are not alone and things will improve. Promise. Take care x

[sophiew]

We've just got our pup too and I know how you feel! I'd prepared loads too but nothing quite prepares you for the madness, and the teeth, and the hanging off your trousers.... but you have to remember that most of this is 'normal' and that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Games to keep his mind occupied, like hide n seek, will help. And once he can start going out!!

Tally had two days of sleeping and being cuddly, now she's all teeth and mayhem! But then when she finally goes to sleep I say a quick prayer of thanks and then just sit and watch her - until she wakes and it all starts again! 

Hang in there!

Sophie
x

[Clover]

I feel for you, but yes, it WILL get better, it may take days, weeks or months   but don't despair, he's being a pup and they are not all they are cracked up to be    I had many days of feeling low, and that 'this isn't how it should be'.

We used to call Willow a Croc ker spaniel or that she was a cross, half cocker half crocodile   gosh, could she bite, infact, I think she has put me off ever having a pup again    You have some good advice here.  Just hang in there, things will get better and you will come out the other side with a nice dog, I'm sure.  

Willow is a joy to own, if be it, a little stubborn.

Sarah

btw, pictures are a must