can't do this anymore

[sine]

Mylo is now 20 weeks and l have just about had enough

He has separation anxiety +++ and we can't leave him even for 5 minutes without howling the house down. He no longer sleep in and seems afraid of his crate and yet again l am up from my bed as his crying is disturbing the kids sleep for school tomorrow.
My DH has chest pain again tonight through the stress of it all.
I have had enough tonight and as much as l love him l want him gone for the health of my family.
I feel such a failure --what can l do

[KellyT]

sorry to hear this 

Need some more info before I either tell you stuff you've already tried, or to help the other more 'specialised' members give you some advice...

Have you had him since 8 weeks?
Where does he sleep (downstairs / upstairs)
What have you associated his crate with (only when leaving him or have you tried to make it a 'safe' place for him at any time?)
What have you tried (in terms of helping him get over his SA) ?

[maddy74]

I remember the first few months of having Willow was really hard work we dont have children but it was still stressful and some days she had me in tears.

She wasnt easy to leave and would cry, howl and make an awful mess (upturning blankets) in her crate. I remember sitting and crying one day as I was about to leave the house. have you tried leaving Milo with a filled kong? initially Willow wouldnt eat her kong and went to it when we came in, we had a trainer in and she said to remove it when we get home even if its full and she will learn if she doesnt eat it when we are gone she doesnt have it, she soon started to eat it. Go back to basics of leaving milo for a few mins and returning without making a fuss when you go or return. I didnt think things would ever get better with Willow but it did.  Have you tried leaving the radio on and leaving something with your scent on, an old jumper? The dap plug ins are meant to be good, although we didnt try them.

As for sleep time would you consider having the crate in your room?

Maddy

[cazza]

I am not gonna give any advice but tell you what has happened to another dog owner who felt the same way as you do at the mo

They had decided they had had enough and thought they would try one last go and try some dog training classes

Well 3 weeks in and they have bonded with the dog, and the classes are helping and as they have found a decent trainer they are also working on the seperation issue

The training has given them loads of help and info and the whole family go to the training each week - what they didn't realise is the training classes are run by an APDT qualified person and they have received extra help and support and now they are working on the seperation on a one to one basis

Dog and owner are alot happier - they have a way to go but they are getting there

I agree with Kelly T that you need to give more info before anyone can comment - hope what has happened to another dog owner is of some help and comfort x x  x

Loads of love and hugs

[PennyB]

sorry to hear this 

Need some more info before I either tell you stuff you've already tried, or to help the other more 'specialised' members give you some advice...

Have you had him since 8 weeks?
Where does he sleep (downstairs / upstairs)
What have you associated his crate with (only when leaving him or have you tried to make it a 'safe' place for him at any time?)
What have you tried (in terms of helping him get over his SA) ?

other questions are:
Can you leave him during the day when you go out
Do you give him a wind down chillout time before you go to bed
Have you tried reintroducing the crate

Must admit Stella hated being confined to the kitchen/crate once her 2 brothers left so I had to let her sleep downstairs on the sofa with my 2 dogs (I made sure there was little to chew if she felt like it).

[Ian Wright]

sorry to hear this i can not give you any advice but keep positive and i am sure things can only get better
Ian and Grace

[minimoo]

when you put him in his crate have you tried giving him a kong with some goodies in , i put a little kibble in and some chappie and freeze it, it then goes in his crate before i leave him and keeps him occupied and he associates the crate with treats, i also gave mine their breakfast as pups in the crate with the door open so they get used to it, routine is the main thing, maybe start from scratch, on a friday night so you at least have the weekend to get him used to sleeping alone , the other thing you could do is have him in the bedroom in his crate with you, but once you do that he will want to sleep there all of the time , its very hard work having a pup but they do get better and your pup is very young, remember he is still only a baby , i have 3 cockers and two are 18 months and 9 months and they are a real handfull sometimes winding each other up and barking and the pup still chews things sometimes but i know he will grow out of it eventually, im afraid there is no quick fix to having the perfect dog, just patience , but it is VERY important that the crate is only used for good things never as punishment and that it feels like a safe place for him

[Geordietyke]

Agree with above posts re. making crate as comfy and pleasant as possible.

I had SA problems with Odie from bringing him home at 8 weeks old until 19 weeks old.  I spent the first couple of months swinging between tears/anger  and frustration because I couldn't leave Odie, even for 5 mins without him whining and pooing/weeing in his space (we used puppy panels back then).

I spent all those weeks, 2 sometimes 3 times A DAY cleaning up smeared poo and wee (sorry) off my kitchen floor, his panels and toys etc and I was just so desperate   I too at times was tempted to take him back to his breeder, I felt helpless for us both. 

Then, another COL'er very kindly asked a friend of hers who had trained her collies out of severe SA.  She gave me a detailed programme of training to do, starting from a minute or so in the crate and building it up gradually.  I worked at this for 2 weeks solid and something must have just clicked with him - he just realised I was coming back and not leaving him forever and the poo smearing etc stopped completely.

It was difficult and time consuming as I done it numerous times a day but it was so worth it. 

If you would like a copy of what I followed, just pm me    Please don't lose hope!  Lesley x

[Sarah.H]

I don't think you should be too hard on yourself if you decide that finding another home for Mylo is your only option, and at lest it would be better for him while he's still so young. But if you haven't gone down the route of seeking professional help from an APDT trainer then you really should try that first.

[Holly2009]

Poor wee thing he's only a baby & he has lots to learn!
I'd have a google & get some good puppy/ training books, you can also find good sites online along with COL of course!
Is he crying & waking everybody as he wants out for the toilet? have you had a go giving him frozen kongs to keep him entertained when you leave him / for crate time? What makes you think he's scared of his crate?

[supergirl]

Firstly 
Roly was a tough puppy, quite clingy and wouldn't let me be 2 yards away with a puppy gate between us without howling the place down.  I don't have children and both my neighbours have dogs so the noise wasn't upsetting anyone but me, but all the same I found it quite stressful as I was having to get up at 3am every morning because he was howling and as I work full time it did start to wear me down.

I did discover two things - he was on the wrong food which meant he needed the loo more often and as he has always been very clean in the house he couldn't bear the thought of going to the loo in his crate (am actually thankful for this) and his only option was to howl to be let out.  Also he is very food motivated and loves stuffed and frozen kongs, and I would leave him in another room with a stuffed kong to keep him occupied, gradually doing this for very short periods of time and then increasing the time.

I always feel that if the dog is adequately fed, exercised and has had every opportunity to go to the loo (however long it takes, I remember standing outside for over an hour waiting for Roly to have a poo) before putting him to bed then all his needs have been seen to, any fuss after that is purely attention and can be ignored (and I am an expert at ignoring whining and crying now  ) I did used to give him a snugglesafe heat pad and an old unwashed t-shirt that I'd been sleeping in to comfort him which he loved.

To give me a rest he went to a friends for a few days.  She has an outdoor kennel and lives in the middle of nowhere, he did howl but there was no one for it to bother.  After a few days I couldn't wait for him to come back and feeling refreshed and rested felt that I could deal with it a bit better - when you're tired you don't think straight, give yourself a break.  Is there somewhere he could go and stay overnight or even kennels just for a day or overnight, so that you can get yourself and your family rested rather than make a quick decision.  (would also add that you should feed all his meals and treats in his crate, don't shut the door so that he always associates it with something good) - but hang in there you just need to give him the confidence to be on his own and be a little more self-reliant.   

[Catie74]

Hi Sine
I am so sorry to read you are having problems.  I have just looked at your other posts and there are some positives to draw on.  Instead of beating yourself up, focus on what you have achieved.  Puppies like children are unpredictable, no 2 pups are the same and they all have strengths in different areas.  I too was having dreadful problems with separation anxiety with Archie.  I can't even remember how many time he both through wires and was biting the corner of my wall.  I did not crate him at first as I did not agree with them.  Finally as a last resort I got a crate when he was about 5 months old.  It was the best thing I ever did and have not looked back.  Archie is nearly 2 and I still use it, but all I have to do is say 'in your bed' and he goes straight there and is happy for me to shut the door.

Believe me there were times when I was in tears and times when I thought I would have to re home him.  In my heart of hearts I knew I could never have gone through with it, he was a way of melting your heart. 

All I can say is keep reinforcing the routine, and praise when he is good.  YOU WILL GET THERE.  I never thought I would with Archie, but he is the best thing that ever happened to me and I would not be without him. 

[sine]

Thanks to each and everyone of you for your support. I was at my wits end last night. Today l am exhausted but l love my boy and l don't want to give him up. I have waited so long for him. Could he be spoiled ?
He eventualy fell asleep last night and once asleep he slept all night as usual. He does not wee or poo in his crate and can hold on well until he is let out in the morning. He doesn't cry to waken us but does when he hears us up and about.
I will take all your suggestions on board--keep them coming. I do give hi a kong when we go out but he doesn't touch it till we get back
I will statr feeding him in his crate as from now and have a nice smellt T-shirt of mine that he can have in his crate.

Geordietyke l would love a copy of your training programme for Mylo but l am not sure how to PM you. I will look again and try to contact you.

I suppose we are lucky that Mylo is just about toilet trained so l don't have any mess to contend with just noise  . I am determind today to beat this SA as he is a wonderful pup really and quite intelligent. Perhaps he knows he has us wrapped around his little paw.

I have learned today of a behaviouist ? attached to a local vet-so that is my next port of call. Ig all else fails l will just have to kick my DH out of bed and sleep with the dog. Taking Mylo to work with me is not an option although l am sure my patients would love it..

Just another thought, putting the crate in our bedroom is not an option as we have our bed on a mezamine level up a steepish ladder, however l suppose if we need to we can swap our lovely bedroom with my Daughter.

So thanks again everyone, it's Friday and the work starts here. I will keep you all updated xxxx

[karen488]

Glad you're sounding more positive. Enjoy your weekend 

[LinziS]

Sine

I am so glad you feel better today and a little more positive on the way forward with Mylo. He is still a little baby and has a lot to learn but you will get there in the end.
 Our Tilly is nearly 19 weeks and like mylo she likes to be attached to you wherever you go. When we are upstairs and the gate is over the stairs she will whine ..getting louder and louder as time passes. We have always fed her in her crate...but that was really to stop our older girl snaffling her food but i suppose she sees her crate as a good thing...and will toddle away through there for peace and quiet and without an issue at bedtime. On the occasions she has cried during the night I just get up let her out and pop her straight back into crate without a fuss..if she starts up again i just give her a firm NO and go back to bed...seems to be sinking in thank the lord  
She does do the early morning whining when she hears the alarm go off but I think she is just deperately waiting to see us