Puppies and children

[sununu]

I know there is a very helpful article on this in the sticky threads which I have read, but I hoped to get a few more personal experiences - hopefully good as well as bad!

Dh and I have both had several dogs in our lives, but never from a puppy (and never a cocker).  We've been wanting to add a dog to the family for quite a while, and have done loads of research.  We have three boys who are also very keen (though this is definitely something I want to do, not giving in to pleading!) 

I suppose the thing is that now we are almost there, and I have been spending so much time reading puppy threads, I have got slightly cold feet.  I feel totally ready for the toileting, training and other time committments, our life and home can accomodate a dog, but it's the biting that is worrying me now.  Will it actually be hard to enjoy the puppy as a family for the first while?  One of my sons, who has worked through some speech difficulties, seems to have a particularly strong affinity to animals of all kinds, but I wonder if the special bond I'm imagining he could have with our dog is unrealistic given some of the stories I've read!  We've waited til my youngest is almost 4, so at least he is not a toddler and can understand giving the puppy its space, etc.  But he is still pretty young. 

Can you tell me some positive stories about living with kids and a puppy?  Or will you tell me to look for an older dog, or just to wait a bit longer (which would be hard!)?

thanks very much

[choccietoby]

I hope one of those threads thats given you cold feet is not one of mine  , as we do have some problems with biting with our puppy with my 6yr old son.  BUT, aside from that and we are working on it, the two of them are very close, my son has autism and the change in his behaviour has been for the good since we got Toby.  Previously just getting him dressed in the mornings of a weekend was a nightmare, as he didnt want to go out so didnt see the need to get dressed  But now, he's up, dressed and ready for a walk, which he enjoys as the two of them play chase, find and generally wear each other out    Its also helped with his stranger problem, as he doesnt talk to people he doesnt know, but now of course they ask about the puppy and my son is there with every piece of information he has on Toby and cocker spaniels in general (he just HAS to know everything!), so its brining him out of himself.  They do enjoy cuddles times and playing together, but of course a puppy is a puppy and over excitement starts and then the biting starts, but its (Ive been assured) something that will calm down and stop altogether as Toby grows.

Personally having grown up with dogs around and my older two boys always having dogs as kids, the thought of not having kids/dogs together is strange and it was only because of my sons autism that we waited until he was older.  Properly supervised and trained (both kids and dogs  ) they can grow a very strong bold and I think it benefits kids greatly to have a dog and the responsibilities that come with it.

[Geordietyke]

Hi there.  My hubby and I waited until our daughters were 5 and 6 years old.  Mainly this was because a lot of breeders don't allow their pups to go to households with under 5's and I knew it would be hard work and wanted the girls to help with training etc.  Anyway, with regard to biting, my Odie was (and still is on occasions unfortunately ) a bad biter.  However, it was mainly directed to me and not the kids because I was the one who was with him 24/7, done the training, walks etc.  I spent the first few months covered in scratches down my arms and legs especially and he has always loved biting my feet and slippers. 

Unfortunately, when the two girls are fighting/arguing or anyone raises their voices, it automatically sets Odie off barking/running around being very hyper in general so it was important to teach everyone in the house not to do this (doesn't always work I have to say).  When Odie needs 'time out' he goes in his crate in the kitchen for a while, the girls are also asked to go to their rooms to play. 

I found it comes down to managing the situation, teaching everyone (including the pup) what is expected of them and lots of training (which is still an ongoing thing at 18 months old!).  The upside of this is that we have known Odie since 8 weeks old and know his personality.  I did consider a rescue/older dog but again, some rescues can't rehome with young children as they can't be totally sure how the dog may react.  Good luck!  Lesley

[JulieM]

Hi,

We have a 7 month old puppy and a nearly 4 year old daughter.

The first 2-3 months were pretty tough specifically in regard to teaching our daughter how to be around dogs whilst going through the play biting/ manic puppy/ chewing kids toys phase. After about a month I remember thinking that we should have waited longer and feeling very nervous about the future.

However, through following advice on here, keeping pup/ child separate a fair amount and just the passage of times things are now wonderful. We went on holiday last week and it was just beautiful to watch my daughter and dog playing together on the beach. They both really enjoy playing and chilling out together. Last week our puppy was spayed and it was great to see my young daughter caring for our pup with great attention by being quiet and stroking her head gently, it was just the type of empathy for others I'd hoped that sharing her life with a dog might bring.

I think finding the right breeder is really important. Our grew up with cocker spaniels herself so wasn't against under 5's and a puppy- but did want to spend an extended period of time with our daughter and all her dogs to check our daughter was mature enough. This helped us as it gave us an objective opinion as to whether we were pushing things too early. Our breeder has grandchildren who are in her house all the time so our pup was used to the noises/ sight of small kids right from the start. We also spent a lot of time with our pups mum and dad and they played with our daughter and I could see that the temparment of both was good for kids.

Sorry I'm waffling- in short there are ups and downs but I think if you take time to find the right puppy it can be wonderful- we certainly don't regret our decision  

[Jeanette]

I have two cockers and Quinn the youngest came to us when Ethan had just turned 5.    Quinn has never play bit any of us - however he did have a thing for attacking trouser legs so a few clothes got damaged.     Puppyhood play was actually quite nice with him.  

I'm guessing the reason he didn't play bite was not because he is an angel     but for two reasons - we didn't get him until 10 weeks old so he was still with other puppies at his breeders therefore learning lots of bite inhibition which they usually learn from us having them at 8 weeks, and two my older dog taught him when he nipped too hard.    

Indie (my eldest and first cocker) who is now 3.5 came to us when Ethan had just turned 2 - I don't really think she play bit much either, she used to mouth a lot on us but never made any marks or scratches - we did have to do the teaching of not to mouth and attempt to nip but the "ah ah" noise taught her that ... eventually.

Really what I'm trying to say is that the play biting didn't really come into it with us at all so don't let that be the one and only reason to put you off, its all the rest of the hard work and the amount of time they demand which is exhausting.  

I don't regret getting either of my dogs at the time I did - Indie was ideal because she is gentle anyway so was perfect for a 2 year old and Quinn even though he is a bit naughty sometimes like all puppies are is fantastic with my little boy (like best friends).  

[sununu]

thanks everyone.  I suppose people generally post when they have a problem so you hear all the worst..  we are really trying to think everything through and go into it with realistic expectations, but I feel the positives will far outweigh any problems we have to cope with.  will get back to you when and if we finally have our puppy!

[LottieLu]

I've only just seen this post but just wanted to add that we acquired our previous cocker when our sons were 5 and 6 years old. I'm sure we had all the usual,normal issues with puppy teeth/biting that goes with puppyhood but I have to tell you that all these years later I don't remember it so it must have been okay to deal with at the time.

What I will say is that a couple of Christmas's ago the younger son sat at the dinner table with happy tears in his eyes recalling is childhood with his beloved cocker and all the adventures and experiences they had together and how he would never have wanted it any other way. He has long flown the nest, has his own home and now also his own beloved cocker. Testament enough for me that it was a lovely experience for him.  

I'd never say that puppy owning isn't without it's share of difficult moments but if you go into it well prepared and researched I think you are in a good position to make the right decision.

[Grey Haven]

Hi,

You're certainly not alone with your cold feet and worrying!  We are due to pick up our pup in just under a month's time.

I have two children aged 4 1/2 and nearly two and they are, as I type, screaming and running riot playing tents so having a pup in the house is just going to add to the chaos.

We chose our breeder carefully and when we visited them to see the pups we were blown away at how chilled the bitch was with having my kids around her pups.  

The kids will need training more than the pup will I think, and we've invested in a crate so Pup can get out of the way when things are getting hectic!

My eldest goes to school in September so that will certainly help!

You'll be fine - just try to keep a sense of humour!

[bajoleth]

I have two cockers and Quinn the youngest came to us when Ethan had just turned 5.    Quinn has never play bit any of us - however he did have a thing for attacking trouser legs so a few clothes got damaged.     Puppyhood play was actually quite nice with him.  

I'm guessing the reason he didn't play bite was not because he is an angel     but for two reasons - we didn't get him until 10 weeks old so he was still with other puppies at his breeders therefore learning lots of bite inhibition which they usually learn from us having them at 8 weeks, and two my older dog taught him when he nipped too hard.    

Indie (my eldest and first cocker) who is now 3.5 came to us when Ethan had just turned 2 - I don't really think she play bit much either, she used to mouth a lot on us but never made any marks or scratches - we did have to do the teaching of not to mouth and attempt to nip but the "ah ah" noise taught her that ... eventually.

Really what I'm trying to say is that the play biting didn't really come into it with us at all so don't let that be the one and only reason to put you off, its all the rest of the hard work and the amount of time they demand which is exhausting.  

I don't regret getting either of my dogs at the time I did - Indie was ideal because she is gentle anyway so was perfect for a 2 year old and Quinn even though he is a bit naughty sometimes like all puppies are is fantastic with my little boy (like best friends).  

Our situation with regards to biting is much the same as Jeanettes, I have 5 children (oldest is 15 so not really a child when we had the dogs and the baby is 7 mths so no issue there either) the 3 others 5, 6 and 9 though were brilliant with the dogs when they were pups. We were lucky in that the biting stage didn't really last that long and was never that much of a problem. They did tend to go for their trouser legs etc esp when playing in the garden, my children were taught to stop running when this occured and they did, if the Pup didn't calm down it had a time out. Same as in the house if the pup got hyper and wouldn't stop nipping it went in the kitchen.I also seperated the pup from the children during hectic times to avoid the pup getting hyper. But in all honesty it really wasn't much of a problem , it all depends on the Pup some are lucky and some get little crocodiles that will bite no matter what you seem to do. But they do grow out of it and it is a short space of time in the scheme of things, the relationship the kids have with the dogs is priceless. Just lay down the ground rules before you bring home the pup, all the family have to be reading off the same page with regards to training and rules. Tell the children to expect chewing of their toys and feet, it is natural. If they feel they can cope and are willing to stick to the rules then you will be fine. Get them involved in the training too, its builds bonds and gives the children a sense of responsibility, achievement and of course fun. As long as they are calm they can teach the pup to sit (they do this almost immediately when they come home) give paw etc.
Kids and dogs do work it just takes, time, patience and rules, its hard work but oh so worth it

[sallyb]

My youngest boy was 3 when we got our first dog, a black lab
He did a lot of play biting and sadly my son was the one he picked on most - for general playing and also biting.
I understand that this is not unusual.
I vividly remember my son sobbing and asking me to send the dog back.

And then the nipping stopped.
From then on, they have been good friends. Toby would lie on the floor and my son would lie with him or on him and they would watch TV together 

Ten years on, my son is the one with the strongest bond to Toby but also the one devastated by his recent illness.
For him my cockers are a very poor substitute.

Sorry - a long way of saying that it can be difficult but the playbiting is a short lived stage for most dogs