What Would You Do?

[tobycat]

she was very helpful with the financial support which I'm grateful for

So was my MIL!  

She told us when we said we couldn't afford a honeymoon that she would give us £500 as a wedding present to be spent on a little holiday. So we booked one and went. That was ten years ago and we're still waiting for the money    

[taniac]

she was very helpful with the financial support which I'm grateful for

So was my MIL!  

She told us when we said we couldn't afford a honeymoon that she would give us £500 as a wedding present to be spent on a little holiday. So we booked one and went. That was ten years ago and we're still waiting for the money  

Oh dear Tobycat that's no good.. My MIL sent me cheques up front!!!  I am still waiting for an engagement and wedding present from my parents... My MIL sent us a cheque for our engagement, hubby put it in his account and I never saw it again    

[tobycat]

I'm going to tell you all one last thing about my MIL and then I am not going to talk about her again as it just makes me start to fume  

Last Christmas she gave me a book entitled "The most evil women in the world" and it was all about murderers and stuff like that Rosemary West and Myra Hindley.

Anyone think she was trying to tell me something

 

[lizzy]

Liz, that's terrible, but must admit, I've just spat my tea all over the keyboard through laughing!

Wrap it up and give it her back! I can't get over that!  

[Pammy]

I'm now gonna put the cat among the pigeons or Cockers among the MIL's   by adding a different slant to this.

Not excusing rude, nasty or spiteful behaviour by anybody - my view is that a person has the right to refuse to accept any animal into their home. I have seen it from both sides. Often people with dogs take it for granted that their dog can come along too. It often just happens without asking first and that's where some of the trouble stems from, in my experience.

Both before and afer we had the boys certain visitors with dogs(sadly - always the in-laws ) would assume they could just bring them - they never asked - until I blew a wobbler one day when my nicely scrubbed house, carpets and bedding were trashed within half an hour of one person and their dog arriving. My mum always asked if they could bring their dog.

Since having the boys we have always made a point of asking before any visit if it's OK to bring them - and if the other end says well it might be difficult - they rarely say an outright "no" if you are speaking to them, but then you go on to talk about where the difficulties lie and how you can remedy them. I've often offered to put the boys in kennels which in turn usually gets a no it's OK bring them response.

I wouldn't say it's all plain sailing - there are places we know ppl would rather they don't go - so they don't and we tailor our visits accordingly. Similarly there are places we know they are very very welcome and enjoy those visits immensely

It's that being seen to want to meet someone half-way!

just my two penn'orth

[subeeloo]

I'm going to tell you all one last thing about my MIL and then I am not going to talk about her again as it just makes me start to fume 

Last Christmas she gave me a book entitled "The most evil women in the world" and it was all about murderers and stuff like that Rosemary West and Myra Hindley.

Anyone think she was trying to tell me something

   

My MIL gave me a pot of anti-wrinkle cream for my Xmas present last year, and she has tons more wrinkles than me  !!!!

[taniac]

Pammy I couldn't agree more, before we had the dogs I had a friend whose collie always ended up going whereever they did.  I never complained (love dogs) but thought it could be a bit of an imposition for some people.

I always check with my parents if we can take the dogs with us (even if we're just going for dinner), would not assume that I could take them round my friends houses (esp. as Neo cocked his leg up my friend's TV unit after a bit of a rumble with her male cocker), and would probably hire a dog friendly cottage near my MILs if she didn't love cockers as much as she does (pity cos sometimes I'm the one who could do with the space).  

I don't think it's wrong for people not to want dogs in their homes, especially if they don't have dogs or have cats themselves, although I can understand it makes it harder amongst the family.  

[tobycat]

My MIL gave me a pot of anti-wrinkle cream for my Xmas present last year, and she has tons more wrinkles than me   !!!!

             

[subeeloo]

................my OH works away most of the spring and summer and he missed his birthday, so my MIL suggested we go for a meal to compensate, her treat. We get to where  SHE has suggested, which I booked, and we had a nice meal, a bit strained, but ok.....when the bill comes, she just sits there for a minute or two, didn't look at it, so my OH  got his wallet out, then she made a sort of attempt to get her purse out saying it was her treat, whereupon my OH said he'll pay, and b4 you could say another word, her bag shut fast and that was that!!
 HE PAID FOR HIS OWN BIRTHDAY MEAL that was supposed to be her treat!!!! My blood was boiling I can tell you       !!!!!!!!!  How I didn't say anything was a miracle!!  She took me for lunch for my birthday in March when my OH was away and the kids were in school, as she couldn't think what to get me, the thing is, I have to say thankyou for a meal that is free, if you have proof it's your birthday, i.e. d.licence or b. cert., it's a free meal, drink and dessert. Whooppee!! She pays for hers, but not mine and I have to say, thankyou that was lovely!! When I really want to say is, you tight-ar**d old bag!!  
Is it me, or am really that ungrateful??  Like with the anti-wrinkle cream....if i'd have got it for her, she would have moaned to anyone who would listen, can you imagine it?? Same with this free meal deal!! I think long and hard what to get her, (it's on the 26th Nov. )  so if i suggest a free lunch, will she be grateful too, somehow don't think so...    

[Cob-Web]

my view is that a person has the right to refuse to accept any animal into their home. I have seen it from both sides. Often people with dogs take it for granted that their dog can come along too. It often just happens without asking first and that's where some of the trouble stems from, in my experience.

I agree Pam, I would never expect hosts to accomodate either Molo or (when she was younger) our into-everything toddler - close family included.

However, if they are invited, I do expect them to be welcome, and not resented, and at least some effort made to accomodate them!

[subeeloo]

..........anymore MIL stories???
I've got thousands of 'em   .............

[Bellbellsmum]

Can I just say that Whilst this is rather upsetting, some people really dont like the idea of dogs in their house however nice and well trained they are .  If a friend of mine (or family) had asked if they could bring their dog before I had Bella, I would have asked if they could not find alternative arrangements for them.

I'm horrified by this now and suddenly all dogs are welcome.   I think the problem is not that they dont want your doggy staying, than the way they informed you of this which was rude and insensitive.  They must just see dogs as dogs and not members of the family.  Ask them if they would feel the same about their grandchildren coming to stay as they can be just as messy loud and annoying  

I would ask them why they feel like this and tell them how you would not be able to visit them so often if your pup cant come too.  Surely there is room for compromise.

Good luck with this awkward problem. Hope its resolved