Feeling fed up

[Sarah16]

I'm feeling really fed up today, I just can't stop crying. I have just been trying to comb Mollies ears as they have become a bit matted with grass and she just wont let me comb them. Mollie has always hated her feet and ears touched, we have over the last few months been working on it, now i can trim the fur around  her feet, brush her all over, but she wont let me touch her ears. Maybe its wrong but I have been leaving her ears and working on the rest of her and only doing her ears every couple of weeks. I noticed this morning she had a big mat behind her ear, I feel awlful I have let it get like that, I have tried clicking and treating her if she lets me touch her ears but she still wont let me touch them she just wants to snap and bite me. Do you think I should try a muzzle while I do her ears? I think I might have to cut some of the mat away as I think it will be too stressful for her if not.

We went out this morning for a couple of hours and Mollie was awful, first of all she ran off after another dog and refused to come back, so I had to put her back on her lead and find a secure field for her to run. Then her harness got twisted and her leg got caught in it, so I tried to release her and she kept trying to bite me. Then on the way home she started biting the lead and caught my hand. By the time I got home I felt really fed up, went to take the lead off and she wouldn't let me, so I just led her into the kitchen, shut her in and left her for half an hour. I feel a really bad owner today as I can't seem to stop her from biting/nipping and she is now nearly 15 months old. It has got a lot better but I just can't stop her completely, I know I have mentioned quite a lot about the problems we have had and I feel I always seem to be moaning about her. I do love her and we will sort it out, but today I just don't seem to be coping.

[Claire83]

Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. Please don't blame yourself you aren't a bad owner at all, what you have done with Molly is fantastic.....She is a wonderful dog.

I'm afraid i've no advice but i'm sure someone will be along soon.

xx

[LouiseAS]

Sarah, you're doing a great job with Mollie.  It is really hard when there are problems to deal with, I have lots of days when I feel like crying (and often do).

I can't give any advice about the ears as we ahve to muzzle Jakey to do his because he bites.

Hopefully someone will be along with good advice.  Looking forward to seeing you on the 24th Feb xxx

[HeatherandBenjy]

Sorry to hear you're having a hard day.. don't beat yourself up about it, you're not a bad owner (otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help 

If you're having a difficult day, I wouldn't try to do something that is almost certain to be even more difficult like Molly's ears. Leave her ears til you're having a better day with her, having a mat in her ears isn't going to be as bad as trying to comb them today. 

Take it easy.   

Heather

[cdpops]

Hello Sarah
 Sorry to see you are feeling bad.  As everybody has said don't give yourself such a hard time, you're doing great look at how well you've done with Mollies feet.
I would leave her ears to you feel better and Molly is calmer. I have had similar issues with Charlie, some things that may help you both! wear leather gloves with the scissor finger ends chopped off, bites don't hurt as much, and try to do it in the garden, Charlie seems much calmer if he is outside.
Good luck, if you can't manage there may be a groomer in your area who will help.
Claire

[clairep4]

Hi Sarah,

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day. With the grooming thing you could try a bit of T Touch on her (there's a very good book by Sarah Fisher), just gentle massages before you go into the actual grooming. I've been doing some on Bella's front legs and feet as she absolutely hates me doing the feathering on her front legs - everything else she's pretty okay with but her front legs are a real no-no - same with clipping them, she can't bear it. But the T Touch seems to be helping slightly, if nothing else it gets her in a more relaxed state before I do anything with her. I also just do really short grooming sessions if her matts are bad, one little bit at a time so she doesn't get too fed up.

You could try taking her to a different room (or outside as someone has suggested) and do it as if you're training her a new thing from scratch, so you've not got the old associations of "this table = horrible things" - not sure if that would help but I know with Zorro, I've just started T Touch on him and I can't do it to him on the table he gets groomed on as he just can't relax at all, he gets all worried and just sits there panting and stressing out, so I have to do the T Touch on the dining room table instead and then he's fine with it.

Don't beat yourself up about the matts behind her ears, Bella gets them no matter how often I do her and I do end up cutting them out half the time (I use thinning scissors on that bit as well to try and keep it down).

If it's any consolation, Bella was mouthing up to about 18 months and it was actually only when a friend came to look after her for a week and we told her not to let her mouth her, that she got the point (my friend is great at being strict in a very different way to me!). We came back from holiday to find Bella had stopped mouthing.

[ali]

hi sarah, i hope you are feeling a bit better this evening. <hug>

i've had lots of days like the one you've had today.

it took barkley quite a while to get used to having his ears brushed. i wondered if the brush i had was too harsh (it had metal bristles) so i used a much softer (almost too soft) brush for a time and he quickly relaxed and started to enjoy it. now i use that one unless he really has bits that need to be tackled with the wire brush and he is much better. mats are another story- he currently gets very snappy when we go near him with scissors so i have twice had to get the vet to sort them out. i'm working on it though. t-touch is definitely worth trying. along with the suggestion of making it a completely new routine, like teaching a new trick.

re. mollie being a little wotsit whilst out walking, we had days like this was barkley right through his first 18 months or so. there were some days when he was just hopeless- completely lacking in recall, or good manners whilst onlead. grabbing hold of it and getting bitey was a favourite trick. we learnt that responding only made it worse, so we calmly ask him to sit down, reward him by making a big fuss and lots of cuddles because he's actually done something we've asked of him and then wait a moment or two before calmly walking on. if he jumps about again, we repeat. eventually he calms down and walks on happily.

barkley is now just over 2 and there has definitely been a huge change in him in just the last few months. his recall is now pretty good- he can still go amazingly deaf when it suits him but he is much more predictable and really does stop and come back far more than he would have done 6 months ago. he is a lot calmer in general. crazy phases and biteness only last for moments and normally a 'barkley, stop being a muppet and calm down' from me is enough to sort him out. 

i think more than anything else, we now know each other pretty well. consistency is still vital as he is smart enough to quickly work out how to bend things to suit him. he is a stubborn wotsit who will always have a few issues but we know much better how to deal with him now (he's our first dog and it's been a real learning curve). i am more relaxed and he is more relaxed. we live together much more harmoniously and i'm sure that's how it will be for you and mollie too.

sorry for waffling on! it's just that your original post really struck a chord with me.

[speedyjaney]

I would begin to muzzle train her.....feed her whilst letting her sniff it etc and keep it in the treat jar, she will associate nice things with the muzzle then

Take it slowly - Dunton4 recetly posted about her experience muzzle training Tilly - search that thead out as some great advice was given......

Cheers

jane

[Sheryl]

I know exactly how you feel.  Until not so recently, Kali was terrible when I tried to brush her ears   We would start off ok but then she would air snap, throw herself backwards, roll on her sides, anything to keep me away.  I am ashamed to say that I usually ended up with her in a Boston Stranglehold   I did persevere with the click treat and eventually she settled down.  I had to start with a gentle brush at first and then on to a comb.  I am like Claire though, no matter how much I comb, I usually end up cutting the matts out   Even now Kali will swing her head round quickly when I hit a matt under her belly but bless her, she doesn't snap, just whines like I am killing her.  I am sure you will get there in the end.  I just wanted you to know that I have also sat crying over the grooming situation so don't feel too bad!

[Sarah16]

Thanks for all your advice,I decided to leave Mollies ears yesterday as you all suggested because I think she was getting stressed because I was!!
                               
I feel a lot happier today, I think yesterday was a bad day and everything felt impossible because of how I felt. We went for a long walk today and spent a good hour on an enclosed field doing training and throwing a ball and teaching her to bring it back to me. We came back and she went sleep for a while and then as she seemed happy and relaxed we had a go of her ears in the garden. I found she feels more secure being to solid ground rather than on the table. The matt is still there but she tolerated me touching her ears with a soft brush for a few seconds, I am going to wait unitl my daughter gets home and then get her to do a bit of training with her while I have a go of her ears, I think it might be easier and quicker to just cut the mat out and then daily just touching her ears for a few seconds slowly building up to longer - hopefully they wont get so matted.                                      I