Separation Anxiety

[coralee]

Hi Everyone

I'm new to COL but not to Cockers! My beautiful Riker, a black cocker, left us after 14 years of pure joy in November. 

On Saturday we bought our new Cocker home, a gorgeous black cocker boy called Harvey. He's 8 weeks old and almost perfect!

He's sooo intelligent, really social, loads of fun, but already he's displaying signs of separation anxiety. I can't leave the room without him literally going bonkers! Howling (how can a puppy this tiny make such a HUGE noise!) barking peeing and pooing.

We have been using his crate and he's fine in that at night. But will have none of it during the day. So we bought a puppy pen which we've set up in the front room. I'm sitting at my desk right now which is no more that 5 foot away from the pen (which has the crate, all his toys, including a worn t-shirt of my OH and an old fluffy slipper of mine) his bed, water and puppy pad in) and he's going mental...quite literally.

I'm trying to ignore him - not looking at him - just letting him bark and whine whilst I'm here, so he can see me. When he's quiet, I give hime some attention and a treat. Then go back to my desk again, as soon as I do, he starts whining and barking again doing all he can to actually climb the pen to get out - as I'm typing right now, he's in his crate scratching at his bedding like he's trying to dig a hole...

I have taken the week off work to settle him in - I've been taking him out in my arms to socialise him, and leaving the room as much as possible, closing doors, coming back in...having a bath, coming back in - making the bed, coming back in and every time I'm out of the room he goes off on one like a firework.

I have to be back at work on Monday for 4 hours. I'm very lucky that I am able to take him into work with me if I have to be in the office for more that four hours a day - but he needs to be left alone for the four hours...I'm so worried about leaving him so alone in such a state...I'm also worried that my neighbours will knock on the door and poke my eyes out because of the noise!!

Do I just bite the bullet and leave the house and let him bark himself tired? I will be taking him to my nieghbours later to introduce him - and generally they are very good and patient...but, people can only stand so much noise can't they...am very worried - any advice you can offer would be gratefully received.

I will post a couple of pics of the almost perfect Harvey in the puppy pics section )

Thank you in advance

[Nelly]

Hi
I am also new to cockers and got our little nell at christmas. She is 16 weeks now. She too, is not very brave when left alone. We do spoil her i must admit and with 3 young children she does get carried around such a lot.  She has improved hugely from those first few weeks. I did just leave her in her crate when we had to pop out for a few hours, and she did cry quite a lot at first (my neighbours told me!!!), but, she has slowly got much better and now cries only a little and then settles down to play with her toys and then sleep.
She still cries , like your little one, when we arent touching her, even though she can see us. I think its just the gentle nature of some little ones. We do leave nell alone occasionally and she is getting better and better, but it hasnt been instant and i must admit, we are very very soft when it comes to always wanting her with us. Dont fret about leaving your little one, she will get used to it, im sure. My neighbours are very good, and realise she is just a baby. Im sure yours are too.
Enjoy your little one, have a lovely week.
xx

[supergirl]

Welcome to COL - hope you enjoy the forum.

You have my sympathies, it isn't fun when they do this.  Roly my 2nd cocker spaniel was a bit like this (sounds like you have it much worse).  I swear the dog never slept just so that he could keep tabs on me .

I remember being just a yard away from him but separated by a child gate so that I could do the dishes and he did exactly the same as yours all because he couldn't get to me.  Thankfully he was very food motivated and would do anything for a treat.  I used to give him a big treat like chew of some sort that would take him a while to get through, and then while he was busy (but still keeping his beady eye on me ) I would back out of the room, shut the child gate and just stand and watch him (he could still see me as I was only just on the other side of the gate) and then if he was quiet and calm go back in and make a big fuss of him.  Gradually I would remove myself from view, but he would still be able to see a part of me, a leg or an arm and I would waggle it so that he still knew I was there.  It did take some time but we eventually got there.  Kongs stuffed with cream cheese and frozen seemed to work quite well, as well as a very dog friendly cat that baby sat for me and leaving the radio or tv on.

Unfortunately I found that there wasn't a quick fix for this and when leaving the house I had to ignore him completely, not say anything or make any eye contact, just put my coat on, give him his stuffed kong and leave.  His about 20months old now and is very good about being left as long as I remain very calm.

I'm sure someone will be along with a alternative suggestion - thats the great thing about COL, lots of different experience.

Hope you find something that works for you and Harvey.

Looking forward to seeing piccies of the pup.

[EmmaA]

Hello and welcome  
I remember those days clearly and it is such hard work isn't it   Firstly hun take a deep breath (I know how stressed you will be right now). Have you tried giving the little guy a yummy stuffed Kong to keep him entertained? Hopefully if he is distracted with one of those he will forget to get so stressed.
Other than that you are doing everything right already by rewarding Harvey when he is being quiet and ignoring him when he isn't. It is very early days yet and i am sure he will settle with time.
I would start practising going out and leaving him now. I did a little routine when my rescue girl came home. I would get ready to go out and go out for 20 seconds, then back in, out for 10 seconds back in, out and to the end of the road and back in, out for 10 seconds again and back in. You get the idea   Don't increase the time you go out each time, try to vary it otherwise harvey will get wise and think everytime you go it will be for longer and longer. Also go through the getting ready routine and going nowhere so he doesn't associate you getting ready to go out with you leaving him every time.

I hope that makes sense. I am sure someone will be along soon who will have more advise and explain it so much better to you.

Good Luck

[coralee]

Thank you everyone for your welcomes, reassuring words and advice  - I think these things seem so much better when there's someone to talk about them with...

I've tried the stuffed (unfrozen) Kong thing - which kept him busy for about a nanosecond! hehe - but I'll definately try the frozen version, might give him more to do.

Will try all suggestions, thank you xx

[debbiedaywalker]

Hiya and welcome,

Harvey sounds like my Dexter's twin! Apart from, Dexter wouldn't settle at night either. I couldn't just let him bark as we then lived in a terrace, I slept on the couch for four months, until we finally gave in and OH built him a pen in our bedroom.  
We now live in a detached and Dex sleeps in the room next to ours, which he accepted straight away! He is now 18 mths.  I work part-time, so he is left for 1-3 hrs once or twice a day.  
I am building up his 'alone time' too, I have got him to tolerate half an hour, with me varying the time to longer then shorter (2mins, 5 mins, 3 mins, 10 mins, 8mins etc).  When I go back to him I don't make a fuss of him, I just say 'good boy' and give him a high value treat (chicken, cheese or ham). He has chews, kong filled with cream cheese, ham etc, and the radio on.
He is definitely improving, it's just going to take a long time for him to feel totally confident and relaxed in his own company, I would love to get another dog, but can't take the chance of Dexter 'passing' his SA onto another dog.
As for neighbours, if you explain to them that he is a pup and you are working with him, so please be patient!
Best of luck with Harvey, and enjoy him! At times like this, it is good to know that you are not alone!

[louis mum]

Another thing to get is a DAP diffuser, we used this as Lenny was a little stress head when he lost sight of us 

Good luck 

[supergirl]

Another thing to get is a DAP diffuser, we used this as Lenny was a little stress head when he lost sight of us 

Good luck 

Oh yes, we did this as well.  If you do get one, buy online, anywhere like PAH costs a fortune.

[coralee]

Will definately get the diffuser! (have emailed OH to get one immediately!!  )

He's barked for 3 hours solid - and is now asleep in his crate...and I'm in tears! A friend who also has a cocker puppy has suggested that I take him up there to hers (detached house with doggy neighbours) so, if he needs to he can bark his head off as much as he wants...do you think this is a good idea? Or would I be doing more harm?

Oh dear...

[EmmaA]

Will definately get the diffuser! (have emailed OH to get one immediately!!  )

He's barked for 3 hours solid - and is now asleep in his crate...and I'm in tears! A friend who also has a cocker puppy has suggested that I take him up there to hers (detached house with doggy neighbours) so, if he needs to he can bark his head off as much as he wants...do you think this is a good idea? Or would I be doing more harm?

Oh dear...

get yourself a cup of coffee and sit staring at him while he's asleep and you'll remember why you love him  It might be an idea to take him to your friends for a bit of socialisation with the other puppy, it might tire him out too 

[Poppypuppy09]

I feel for you on this one....everyone has given you fantastic advice (COL is brilliant isn't it) but just one thing that helped me with my current Pup....I always cover her crate over with a blanket...then she knows its quiet time  I really hope things improve for you soon

[AnnieA]

Hi and welcome to COL 

I have a little clingy pupster too, he is called Ted and is 14 weeks old today.    We have now had him for nearly 4 weeks, and had similar issues to you at the start.  I can really say that he has come a long way, and is getting much happier on his own now.  I was reading up on this on COL, and found the following thread useful:

http://www.cockersonline.co.uk/discuss/index.php?topic=64824.0

The bits about varying the length of time you leave them for, and being unpredictable were particularly helpful - cue me walking in/out/in/out like a mad woman!    I also try to stay as calm and relaxed as possible, I think he was really picking up on the fact that I was worried about leaving him.  It has also got better since he has been allowed out for walks, as I can tire him out before I have to leave him.  I'm lucky in that the longest I've had to leave him for was about an hour and a quarter.  I have found that he actually settles better if I leave the house - if he knows I'm just upstairs, that's when the barking/whining tends to start. 

Enjoy your new pupster and try not to worry too much, it will get better, even if it really doesn't seem like it at the moment!

[black taz]

i would try the blanket over the crate/playpen.  My 13 week old lab whined for nearly an hour a couple of weeks ago (despite settling down quite well previous nights).  I have started to cover her at bedtime and when i leave for work (my sons are usually still in bed!) and she hardly makes a noise at all.

[coralee]

Morning everyone - thank you so much for your advice - very much appreciated.

After my tears (what a wooss I am!) yesterday a friend of mine came around. I hadn't even been able to leave the room to have a shower, and was so worried about the neighbours. So my friend said for me to go and have a shower and not worry...I did. Harvey barked and whined, but, with one very short sharp "No" from my friend, Harvey settled down and waited for me to come back.

I left him in the pen (which has his crate and toys, etc in) with blanky over most of the day, with "getting out" to wander around intermittently, and he seems really happy to be in the pen..and in fact sat and waited to be put back in there in the evening. With that in mind, I thought maybe I could get him to sleep overnight in the pen (in the front room) as opposed to in the bedroom. At 10:30pm I put him to bed in his crate...I snuggled up on the sofa (he can't see me from the crate) and I went to sleep - he got up whined a little at 12:30 so I put him straight back to bed in the crate (door open) and he slept right through to 6:30am....(when OH got up) yipeeeeeee!! 

Yesterday evening we took Harvey to visit the neighbours and I asked them if they would be patient if they hear him yapping and whining - they were both very lovely and told me not to worry. Sooooo...today is the day to leave him alone (I have 3 more days to try and get him happy!) - one of the things we did do was get the DAP diffuser, and it seemed to calm him instantly (or could that could just be me wishful thinking?!!)

So I shall be walking in and out and in and out all day long today...now I have the blessing of my neighbours I feel much more confident  plus having a good sleep has made things so much better!

Thank you again for all your fab advice -  all has been heeded - we'll get there 

[supergirl]

Glad you've had a better time - sometimes its just case of trying a few things (puppies can be very different).  My first cocker Indie and Misha (both girls) were text book and were very easy to settle and train.  Roly on the other hand came with his own rule book   as does Lexi my most recent dog.

Hope Harvey keeps up the good work